Modeling Behaviors for Children

By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC, CATP, CFTP

Modeling behaviors for children is a fancy term for showing kids how to do something. For mental health, children do not come hard-wired to know how to calm their emotions. Parents must show children how to do that.

This blog will detail how to model healthy ways for children to calm their emotions. First, we will discuss how to help yourself calm your emotions. Then, we will discuss how to show children how to do the same.

Modeling Behaviors for children: Calm Behaviors

First, parents must know how to calm their emotions. This sounds simple enough, but if you struggle with some big feelings, that just tells me you are human. Humans learn how to handle their emotions by experiencing them and seeing what works for them.

Not all emotions are the same. So, not all emotions will be calmed the same. Healthy coping skills are ways we calm our emotions. Check out this blog to learn more about healthy coping skills. (https://cincoranchcounseling.com/what-is-a-coping-skill/) 

Examples of Healthy Coping Skills That are Kid Friendly:

• Going for a walk
• Drawing
• Listening/Singing/Dancing to music
• Hugging a stuffed animal
• Pushing the wall
• Using a fidget
• Yelling into a pillow
• Jumping jacks

Once you have discovered which coping skills work best for you, make sure you have them available. If they are kid-friendly, place the coping skills in an easy-to-reach place for you and your children. If you are feeling big feelings, you want to have a healthy coping skill available so you can show your child how and when to use it.

Implementing Modeling Behaviors for Children

Once you know which coping skills work best for you, use them in front of your child. I know that in many cultures and media, it can feel like showing your child feelings is “wrong” or “bad.” The problem with this notion is that your children will feel feelings, too.  

They need help learning what emotions are and how to deal with them properly. Showing your child emotions will help them feel like they are not alone. And this will teach them how to deal with these emotions when they have them. 

To model calming behaviors means to show your child what to do when they have big feelings.  For instance, if you are feeling mad, tell your child I am feeling mad.  Or feel free to check out the labeling blog to learn more about how to tell your child when you are feeling emotions (INSERT LABELING BLOG HERE). Once you label the emotion, show them to use the healthy coping skill that actually calms you. 

Children are very observant. They can tell if a coping skill does not work or if you are putting on a show. So, if hugging a stuffed toy animal does not work for you, do not use that coping skill to model healthy calming behaviors.  If your healthy coping skill is dancing to music, do that.  If your healthy coping skill is walking, do that.

Modeling healthy ways to calm your emotions will also help your child learn how to handle their big feelings.  Remember, children do not inherently know how to calm their emotions.  They need someone to show them how.

Conclusions

I genuinely mean it when I say that parenting is the hardest job. Showing or modeling behaviors for children in a healthy way can be humbling and challenging. The first step is learning more about yourself and reflecting on how you calm your emotions. Then, remembering to model healthy, calming behaviors is also tricky. Call today to learn more about modeling behaviors for your child!

Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!

If you are ready to start working on bettering your parenting skills, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide counseling for kids and parents, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

• Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more information
• Meet with one of our understanding therapists
• Find ways to thrive through therapy today!

Other Therapy Services We Offer: 

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!