Parenting for Elementary School Age
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC, CATP, CFTP
Parenting for elementary school age children comes with many challenges. This age range can be complex because children want to feel like “big kids,” but they do not necessarily have the skills to be big kids.
This blog will focus on ways to help parents of children ages five to eleven. We will discuss what to expect and how to help them with big feelings. Furthermore, we will look at behaviors and how to help guide them as they grow.
Parenting for Elementary School Age: What to expect
Parenting kids in elementary school changes from when they were little. They can do more things independently, like eating, dressing, and talking. This does not mean that they are experts by any means.
The guardian must still work to help them in many areas. In this blog, we will discuss how to help them regulate their emotions in an age-appropriate way. We will specifically discuss rewards and consequences so the parents have an action plan for getting the kids to cooperate.
Parenting for Elementary School Age: Healthy Coping
Helping elementary school children with big feelings can be challenging. When kids have big feelings, they can push their parents’ buttons. A big part of helping children calm their big feelings is staying calm.
A great way to do this is to help them calm their bodies with healthy coping skills. In the prior blog discussing self-soothing for preschool-aged children, we stated that we should label the emotion and attuning with the child.
Depending on your child’s needs, you might need to label the emotion for them or help them identify them. However, as children grow and develop, they typically start to label their feelings or correct you if you label them wrong.
As children develop and grow, self-soothing will change and evolve into healthy emotion regulation. As your child ages, they will use healthy coping skills to make their big feelings smaller. But at these ages, kids might still need help choosing a healthy coping skill.
Modeling or showing the child what a healthy coping skill is needed for many. This means that when your child has big feelings, show them a healthy way to calm their body. A healthy coping skill can be anything that is:
- Safe for them
- Safe for others
- Easily accessible
- Actually helps them calm
At the end of the blog, check out the video showing one example of a healthy coping skill, rollercoaster. This can easily be turned into a game so that the child is more inclined to choose the deep breath rather than the big feel.
Parenting for Elementary School Age: Rewards
Sometimes, we need to change behaviors in elementary school-aged children. For example, a child may need help following directions or doing chores/homework. Getting kids to change their behavior sometimes requires more than just a simple reminder.
Rewards can help children change their behaviors. Remember, healthy rewards need to be something other than food or hold monetary value. This means that just because little Sally took the trash out, she does not need to be rewarded with a cupcake or a new toy from the store.
A healthy reward can look like:
- A high five
- A “Good Job!”
- Movie Night
- Building a Fort
- Extra Screen Time
A reward is given when a desired behavior is completed. For example, if little Johnny completes his homework promptly and without dispute, then a reward is given. This is what we call positive reinforcement. Many studies show that positive reinforcement is the most effective way to change behavior in children.
Parenting for Elementary School Age: Consequences
Yes, positive reinforcement is a powerful way to change behavior in children. But don’t get me wrong—sometimes, healthy consequences are needed to change behavior. Healthy consequences come after a behavior that negatively impacts the child.
Some examples of healthy consequences are:
- Losing Screen Time
- Removing a Toy
- Time Out
- Losing Privileges (time with friends, less after-school activities)
Some general rule about consequences is that the duration of punishment should not be longer than the child’s age. Also, taking a caregiver’s affection away is not a healthy consequence. Love and affection need to be constant for children. Also, make sure the behavior you are looking for is age-appropriate and realistic.
In Conclusion
Parenting is tough, and it can be confusing and stressful. Hopefully, this blog has helped you find some things to make it a little easier.
Remember to check out the video below to learn one way to help your child make big feelings smaller with roller coaster. We will soon start a parenting boot camp to address parenting further for this age group (Starts August 2nd). Check out our other blogs for parenting of other age groups. Call today for more information or to book individual sessions to help your specific family.
Begin Counseling at Our Center in Katy, TX!
If you would like more help with parenting for elementary school age child, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! To begin counseling in Katy Texas, follow these three steps:
- Contact our office to set up an appointment about parenting.
- Meet with one of our understanding therapists
- Discover ways to parent elementary school aged kids.
We will be hosting a parenting workshop this summer on August 2nd. For more information please click here.
Other Therapy Services We Offer:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
