Parenting for Middle School Age

By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC, CATP, CFTP

Parenting for middle school age kids is a rough job.  I have heard this statement more times than I can count because it is.  Preteens have a hard time adjusting and finding new ways to cope.

Middle school is a new world for many kids. Not only has their school schedule been turned upside down, but the social game has completely changed. These many changes can cause many preteens to struggle with their emotions, too.

Parenting for Middle School Age:  What to expect

Again, change is a big theme that middle school students experience.  As parents, we want to help them navigate how to handle social and educational changes.  Also, we are working against many things, including their bodies with puberty.

All of these changes impact their emotions and how they deal with them. Parents tend to see a big influx of attitude. This can be an opportunity to adjust parenting to help them cope in healthy ways as preteens rather than as little kids.  

Remember what it was like being a teen and needing some empathy/compassion.  Empathy can be a tricky thing with preteens. It’s important to remember that they are going through a lot of changes and challenges, and they need your understanding and support.  Remember experiencing all of this change and putting yourself in their shoes can be helpful and allow you to take a minute/breath.

Many parents feel that as their kids turn into teens, it becomes easier. I tend to agree that they still need their parents. Parent involvement just looks different for preteens.  

Parenting for Middle School Age: Healthy Coping

Healthy coping for middle school kids again might look different from when they were younger.  Again, they might begin at this age to pull away from the family to try to be more independent.  But remember parents we want to keep taking an interest in their lives.

This can look like learning about things they like (i.e., music, games, friends, slang).  Doing things like this can help create an emotionally safe space for middle school kids.  Kids can often feel like their parents are giving lectures or constantly having “teachable moments.”  And many times, parents do a little too much.

Creating a safe space does not always have to look like that. It can also be simply validating their feelings. For example, “Man, you are right, school is hard.”  Period, not further parenting moment. Allowing kids to have space to have their feelings is very important to help them learn to trust their emotions and not feel like they are shameful.

Healthy coping for middle school students also comes in the form of healthy boundaries.  This means that parents can express their expectations, like having a clean room or an effort to improve grades. It’s important to set clear and reasonable expectations, and to be consistent in enforcing them.  Parents must work towards expressing their expectations to be supported with rewards if they are met and consequences if they are not.

Forms of Rewards for Middle School Kids

• “Good Job”
• Extra Screen Time
• Family Movie Night
• Family Game Night
• Typically not monetary or food-related
• Remember, quality time is a constant, not just a reward.

Forms of Consequences for Middle School Kids

• Less Time with Friends
• Less Screen Time
• No Phone
• No Electronics

Also, with healthy coping skills they will change and evolve as kids develop.  I try to remember that all a healthy coping skill is:

• Something That is Safe for Them
• Something That is Safe for Others
• They Have to Like It
• They Have Access to it

For instance, I love roller coasters. But I do not have access to them at school. That one is out.  However, I love the memory of a family trip at the theme park. Thinking of that memory is safe, I like it, and I have access to it.

Parenting for Middle School Age:  Parenting Involvement

Quality time for middle school kids is essential.  Kids often naturally pull away from their parents at this age.  That can be expected.  Check out the video below to learn more about quality time with middle school kids.

However, parents must stay engaged in their kid’s lives.  This will again look different as they are older.  Main topics to stay aware of:

• Friend Groups
• Healthy Coping Skills
• Grades at School
• Behaviors at School
• Social Media
• Screen Time
• Changes in Eating/Sleeping Habits

Starting conversations with preteens can be difficult. However, if we work to keep them feeling safe with you and spend fun and quality time with them, they are more likely to come to you when things feel big, which is what we want as parents.

In Conclusion

Parenting for middle school age kids is hard.  Middle school preteens are especially challenging due to all of the changes they are experiencing.  Hopefully, this blog has helped you find some things to make it a little easier.

Remember to check out the video below to help you intentionally spend quality time with middle school kids. We will soon start a parenting boot camp to address parenting further for this age group and more. Check out our other blogs for parenting for other age groups. Call today for more information or to book individual sessions to help your specific family.

Begin Counseling at Our Center in Katy, TX!

If you would like more help with parenting for middle school age kids, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! To begin counseling in Katy Texas, follow these three steps:

1. Contact our office to set up an appointment about parenting.
2. Meet with one of our empathetic therapists
3. Discover ways to parent middle school aged kids.

Other Therapy Services We Offer:

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!