Parenting for Preschool Age
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC, CATP, CFTP
Parenting for preschool age kids is difficult! They do not have the skills to put into words what they are feeling or needing. Kids tend to have big feelings, and parents become the solution.
This blog will address parenting for preschool age children from newborn to age five. We will discuss specifically what they need at this age level to best help them with their emotions. Check out the video at the end to see specific ways to help!
Parenting for Preschool Age: What to expect
Children from infancy to age five have a limited understanding of emotions. Let’s be honest here. Kids at this age are learning to walk, talk, and potty train.
So, for their emotions, they mainly know how to either make a lot of noise or demand to have their emotional needs met. This is what we expect at this age. If a child says at age five, “I am crying because I am mad,” that is asking a little too much.
Setting realistic expectations for parents is key at this age. We must help the child learn what big feelings are and what to do with them. This age range will require a lot of labeling their emotions and modeling healthy behaviors.
Parenting for Preschool Age: Attunement
For example, at this age we work towards children matching their emotions with the caregiver. Attunement is a way that we do this. Attunement is a fancy word that means we want the child to match your energy.
Fellow parent here, I know it can be hard to stay calm when your child is having a meltdown. I am not saying that you have to be perfect as a parent. I am saying that if you have big feelings, your child will probably do what they see.
For instance, if a child is having a meltdown because they cannot have a toy, do not get louder over the child. Instead, try getting smaller and quieter. Say, “Man, you are big (insert mad or sad depending on the emotion).”
I am not saying this is a magic cure. Many kids might still follow old patterns the first time you use this technique. With repetition and patience, the child will see your reaction of not engaging with the chaos and adapt.
As humans, we have an innate drive to seek attachment from our caregivers. Imagine an infant. When they are crying because they need food, a diaper change, or love, the first thing we do is pick them up and comfort them. The calm voice, gentle movements, and soft touch help the infant feel safe and physiologically calm in their body.
Attunement involves showing the child how to stay calm and reach for you. Many times, we see children then want to climb into your lap and seek comfort. This helps set the child up for working towards self-soothing and, eventually, healthy emotional regulation.
Parenting for Preschool Age: Self-Soothing
Children can work towards self-soothing to help them calm their bodies. Parents can really help their children by labeling the emotion and modeling or showing them how to react. Fair warning: This takes time, repetition, and a ton of patience.
Labeling the emotion means that the parent will say what the emotion is and help the child make that feeling smaller. For example, if a child is having big feelings because they cannot color on the wall, tell them, “You are big mad.” This teaches the child what mad is.
Then, we move towards helping them self-soothe. This is where the parent shows the child healthy coping skills, like coloring on paper instead of the wall. The parent will follow up after the statement labeling the feeling with, “Here is a paper. What should we draw?”
Again, this is not a one-and-done situation. Preschool-age kids need reminders. They are still children. So, as the caregiver, keep showing them how to have big feelings but do something healthy with them.
In Conclusion
Y’all, parenting is the toughest job! This is especially true when children have big feelings. As caregivers, we can work towards showing them what healthy emotion regulation looks like and hopefully set them up for success.
Remember to check out the video below to see how attunement works in action.
Begin Counseling at Our Center in Katy, TX!
If you would like more help with parenting a preschool age child, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! To begin counseling in Katy Texas, follow these three steps:
- Contact our office to set up an appointment about parenting.
- Meet with one of our empathetic therapists
- Discover ways to parent a preschool aged kid.
We will be hosting a parenting workshop this summer on August 2nd. For more information please click here.
Other Therapy Services We Offer:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
