Connecting With Your Son
Posted: September 6, 2023
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC-Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Do you know how to connect with your son? Raising my two children, including my 15-year-old son and a nine-year-old daughter, brings me both a lot of joy and, at times, a lot of stress. When my son was young, I always heard parents of older children saying, “Just wait until he’s a teenager.” When we entered the teen years a few years ago, I wasn’t sure what to expect and felt some trepidation. Now that we are a few years in, I can say that parenting a teenage son is challenging, unpredictable, and can be a rewarding experience. My son likes to talk to me just before I’m about to go to sleep. He’ll come into my room and ask if I want to come out and talk to him. Even though I am usually exhausted, I get up and make the time to go out and have a conversation with my son. And yes, it is 100% worth it.
Here are some things I learned about raising a teenage son from experience and from reading teen parenting blogs.
Make Time to Connect with Your Son
The times when it seems like they are more independent and need you less are actually the times they need their parents more. Research shows we need to spend more time with them during the teenage years. Find something they enjoy and engage with them. It can be playing a video game, playing a sport, or even talking about a subject they find interesting. These years are important and matter. Make the most of the time you have with your kids.
Connecting With Your Teenage Son- Important Lessons to Learn
Here are 8 Ways to Connect With Your Son
1. Understand They Need You to Listen
As parents, we often feel it is our job to impart wisdom, help them make choices, and guide our children down the correct path. But sometimes they just need us to listen, really listen to them. It’s a different world than the one we grew up in, and there’s a lot we can learn from our children by simply allowing them a safe space to talk.2. Teach Them It’s Not All About Them
Teaching our children that the world does not revolve around them is important and can be hard because they are the center of our universe. When kids demand or expect more than our love, that is when it becomes a problem. You’re not doing your child any favors by teaching them it is ok to have an attitude of entitlement. Yes, we want them to fit in and feel good and happy, but the desire for instant gratification and the demand to get something simply because we want it is not teaching an attitude of gratitude. Research has evidence that there is a direct link between low self-esteem and materialism. We often give our kids more because we think it will make us all feel better, but what it actually does is place a higher priority on stuff instead of on relationships. Kids don’t need more stuff or more freedom; they need more of you.3. Show Them How You Have Diversity in Your Life
Help your teenage son understand it’s important to have friends of different color, sex, religion, and backgrounds. It is essential that you also follow this advice because if your kids see you only hang out with people who are just like you, they may question if you really mean what you say.4. Teach Empathy
Ask and discuss with your children how they think others may be feeling in different situations. It can be real-life situations or fictional ones. For example, if you watch a movie or television show, ask your child who she or he relates to most and why. Be sure to model empathy in your own life and discuss it with your children. Tell about a time you noticed a friend or family member who was hurting and what you did to try and comfort them or support them.5. Take Accountability
Take accountability for the successes as well as the failures in your life. If you are unhappy with something in life, don’t place the blame on someone else. Make a change and work hard to fix what you don’t like. Don’t wait for someone else to change or circumstances to be perfect before doing what you can to help the situation.6. Teach Them That Not Everyone Will Like You
It is important for children to know that they will not be liked by everyone they come across. On the other hand, they may not like everyone they come across. No matter what you do, there will still be people who don’t like you for one reason or another. When my son had a teacher he didn’t like, we used it as a learning experience that sometimes in life, you have to work with people who you don’t like. Be kind and respectful, and move on.7. Teach No Means No
Help your children understand that no means no. It does not mean trying harder. It is important for teenage boys and girls to understand consent and what it fully means. It is also important to teach them they have the right to say no or change their minds.8. Delay Gratification
The Marshmallow Experiment of 1972 showed that delayed gratification has many benefits. The experiment involved giving a marshmallow to a young child with the promise of giving a second marshmallow if the child could wait 15 minutes. Follow-up studies over the next 40 years showed that the children who were able to wait to get the second marshmallow grew up to have better social skills, higher test scores, and a lower incidence of substance abuse. They were in better physical shape and handled stress better than those who did not wait.Make Time to Connect with Your Son
The times when it seems like they are more independent and need you less are actually the times they need their parents more. Research shows we need to spend more time with them during the teenage years. Find something they enjoy and engage with them. It can be playing a video game, playing a sport, or even talking about a subject they find interesting. These years are important and matter. Make the most of the time you have with your kids.
Begin Connecting with Your Teenage Son in Katy, TX!
If you are ready to start connecting better with your teenage son, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:- Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more information
- Meet with one of our compassionate therapists
- Find ways to thrive through therapy today!