By Natasha Cooke, Practicum Student Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S

Do you want to learn how to overcome your fear of confrontation?

Learning the right skills to confront someone can help you avoid arguments and communicate more effectively. Here are four simple steps to effective confrontation.

4 Steps to Effective Confrontation

Step 1: Decide what your goal for confrontation is

What result do you want from confronting someone? Having a conversation with someone about their behavior should have an end goal in mind. For example, if you are confronting your co-worker about them calling you a hurtful nickname, your goal is for them to stop calling you that name. This is different than just wanting to tell your co-worker they are mean and hurtful. Having a goal in mind – the change in behavior you want to see – is key to effective confrontation.

Step 2: Decide what to say in your confrontation

The next step is to decide what to say. First, you need to include your goal. Let the person you are confronting know the harmful behavior and what specific change you are looking for. You may want to write down what you are going to say or practice out loud on your own or with a trusted friend. It may also be helpful to decide what you are not going to say. For example, you can tell yourself; I will not call them a hurtful nickname back. I will say that I'm not too fond of that nickname, and I don't want to be called that anymore.

Step 3: Choose the right time to confront

What is the right time to have this difficult conversation? Should it be said when the other person is angry or when you are mad? No, it shouldn't. The best time to confront someone is when you are both in a calm situation. Remember, the goal of confrontation is not to make someone feel bad or hurt the other person. The goal is for the harmful behavior to change.

Step 4: Use "I" Statements in your confrontation

Okay, so it's time to put it together using "I" statements, following this formula: "I feel (insert feeling word), when… (insert situation) because… (why this act/statement provoked the feeling) and I’d like…(state your want/need).” For example, "I feel hurt when that nickname is used because it makes me feel small, and I'd like not to be called that nickname from now on." Reframing your confrontation to include "I" statements is key to effectiveness. In addition to this formula, getting help from professionals is highly recommended. Learning how to have effective confrontation is just one skill in your journey to be an effective communicator. Our counselors can help you gain skills to become more assertive, increase your confidence, strengthen your relationships and more.

Begin Therapy To Learn Confrontation Skills in Katy, TX!

If you are ready to learn confrontation skills, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

• Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about emotionally focused therapy
• Meet with one of our compassionate therapists
• Find ways to thrive in your relationship!

Other Therapy Services We Offer: 

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men's issues, women's issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!