By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC, NCC

How to Forgive Yourself

We are all familiar with forgiveness- the act of letting go of anger and resentment when we feel we have been wronged. Though one might be able to forgive others, you may find it hard to work on forgiving yourself, especially when we have been the ones to do something wrong. Many clients often confide in me about struggling to move on with actions they have done that have caused harm. It can be hard to recognize what went wrong and accept responsibility but letting go of guilt and shame are important parts of being able to move forward from mistakes and work towards healing. Self-forgiveness is an important part of mental health and well-being.

What to Consider

 Emotions serve a purpose, so when we are feeling bad about something, it is probably because it went against our values or beliefs. That feeling of guilt signals that our behavior is in conflict with our values. Noticing this is the start of moving on. However, there is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt serves a purpose in helping us recognize our wrongdoing, reflect on what happened, and try to resolve or repair the issue. Guilt helps us avoid repeating mistakes because we are able to feel that something went wrong. Shame, on the other hand, keeps us feeling smothered, overwhelmed, and embarrassed. Making a mistake does not make one a bad person; don’t let shame take over and attack the image you have of yourself. We need to have compassion for ourselves- we make mistakes; we are human, so try forgiving yourself!

Fight the Urge the Avoid

Self-forgiveness is not about ignoring our emotions or the events that happened. Something that often gets in the way of self-forgiveness is denial. Yes- it is hard to admit we have done something wrong, but it can be quite relieving to accept responsibility, work towards change, and try to move forward. This is a crucial step; as we have all heard before, ignoring the problem does not make it go away. We cannot avoid these negative feelings; take a chance to acknowledge the situation and increase awareness of what led to that action in the first place. The next difficult thing to do- is apologizing. If you have wronged a person, take the time to offer a heartfelt apology and make amends. When apologizing, be mindful of managing expectations and being open to how they may respond. Forgiveness on their part may not come immediately or at all, but their forgiveness is not a necessary part of your moving on. As long as you have done what you can to make amends, you can work toward peace. There is no need to dwell on if you could have done more if you have done all you can do to fix things.

Moving On

 When working on forgiving ourselves, it is important to try and learn from our mistakes. Really try to understand where behaviors are coming from. Are there other things you need to be working on? When we look for ways to learn from past mistakes, we can work towards making better and healthier choices in the future. We need to take care of ourselves emotionally, physically, and mentally. Part of this includes alleviating the stress and painful feelings associated with guilt and shame. Be patient with yourself; we cannot rush our feelings, and though we may want things to go back to normal, things take time. We also don’t want to ruminate over past events we cannot change. If you continue to have trouble moving forward, therapy can help. Remind yourself of what you have learned from your experience, and try to do better. For more guidance, come see me for individual therapy. I can help you process your feelings, teach you how to challenge negative thoughts, and introduce useful coping skills.

Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!

If you are ready to work on forgiving yourself, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

• Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about emotionally focused therapy
• Meet with one of our compassionate therapists
• Find ways to thrive in your relationship!

Other Therapy Services We Offer: 

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men's issues, women's issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!