Grief: Understanding and Processing It
Posted: June 9, 2023
By Natasha Cooke, MS
Supervised by: Melissa Barton, MA, MPC-S
Are you struggling with grief? Have you ever experienced the death of a person or pet? What about a difficult loss of a job, relationship or experience with a diagnosis of a severe or terminal illness? If so, chances are you have experienced grief. When people think of grief, they think of extreme sadness or depression. You may be envisioning someone that has trouble getting out of bed, attending to daily hygiene, or is just not the same person as they once were.
Grief is a universal emotion felt by individuals all over the world. Grief is so common, yet it is hardly ever discussed. Did you know that anger, numbness, and even experiencing guilt are common when someone is grieving? It’s true. Not every moment of grief is filled with sadness and despair. As a matter of fact, guilt is common when it comes to grieving the loss of a loved one.
Don’t Bottle in Emotions
While it may be tempting, don’t bottle in all your emotions or try to keep them to yourself.
Do write down feelings or thoughts in a journal. You can even write a letter to the deceased person, pet, or situation.
Do let loved one knows what you are going through. Let them know how they can best support you. For example, “Could you sit with me outside for a while,” or “Can you listen to some stories?”
Do seek out professional support from a licensed professional counselor if you would like more support with your grief.
Do ask your loved ones to check in on you from time to time if you feel that it will be helpful.
Common Emotions of Grief
While the most typical symptom of grief is sadness, often, there is a range and mix of emotions. People may feel angry that their loved one is gone. They could feel angry with God or their higher power. Someone may also feel angry at the deceased for being gone. While feeling very sad and feeling angry are common, someone who is grieving could be experiencing what we call “numbness.” They may be lacking the ability to feel their emotions. For example, someone may be unable to cry even though they are grieving. Individuals may also feel guilty during this time of grief. Guilt can come from a variety of reasons. Maybe you feel bad that you didn’t spend more time with the deceased while they were alive. Guilt could also stem from not feeling like you did enough to help. You may even feel guilty that you are feeling relieved. While these emotions may seem strange or taboo to discuss, they are all very much part of the grieving process.Is There a Right or Wrong Way to Grieve?
Simply put, the answer is no. There is not one “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. You may be thinking, “What about the stages of grief?” Don’t we all go through the same stages when we grieve? Surprisingly, while there are established stages of grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, not everybody goes through the same cycle. Some people begin the grieving process at stage 2 or 3. At the same time, others may go back and forth between stages or never enter a particular stage at all. Now that you’ve learned grieving is not a straightforward process, you may be feeling overwhelmed. It’s normal to want to know what you will go through while you grieve and how long it will take. However, it’s important to remember that each person is grieving a different situation. And each person has their own unique way they process hardships. During this difficult time, remember that doing what helps you is what is most important. Feel free to grieve in the way that comforts you. This could include watching old episodes of your favorite show on re-run, seeking out a friend to just stay in and have dinner with, or taking a long bubble bath. So, now that you know it’s up to you to find what will help you during your grief, what now? How do you go about finding a way to grieve in a healthy way? In the following sections, there are some tips on how to process grief.Tips to Process Grief: Do’s and Don’ts
Don’t Bottle in Emotions
While it may be tempting, don’t bottle in all your emotions or try to keep them to yourself.
Do write down feelings or thoughts in a journal. You can even write a letter to the deceased person, pet, or situation.
Do let loved one knows what you are going through. Let them know how they can best support you. For example, “Could you sit with me outside for a while,” or “Can you listen to some stories?”
Do seek out professional support from a licensed professional counselor if you would like more support with your grief.
Do ask your loved ones to check in on you from time to time if you feel that it will be helpful.
Do Grieve at Your Own Pace
Even if other people around you seem to be grieving at a different pace, stay true to what feels right for you. Don’t try to jump ahead and skip the grieving process. Do give things away or move on only when you feel ready.Don’t Believe Your Situation Will Never Get Better
It may be a cliché, but it is true that time is healing. While you may never completely rid yourself of grief, as time goes on, you will find acceptance and peace. Do honor their memory by telling stories you enjoy or any other way you can.Begin Counseling for Grief in Katy, TX!
If you are ready to start processing your grief, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:- Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more information
- Meet with one of our compassionate therapists
- Find healthy ways to process grief today!