Healthy Parenting Versus Being Their Friend
Posted: June 26, 2023
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Parenting can be hard! Many times we have people telling us to be gentle with kids or strict. But is there a way to do both? Can parenting be kind and have limits?
Of course, there can be extremes to each side. But if we find a middle ground, this can help children flourish and learn how to have healthy relationships. Parenting relationships can be healthy when we create healthy boundaries and have effective communication skills.
Which words we use to communicate with kids is very important too. Remember, kids do not have the vocabulary that adults have. Keep the communication direct and use words they know.
What I mean by this is to try to avoid over-explaining. I agree that we need to explain why to children so they can begin to understand. But keep the explanation at the level they are at.
For instance, to explain why we do not speak when adults are talking, state, “because we want to be kind to the adult.” Depending on their age and understanding, they might not understand because it is respectful. And “because I said so” can teach children to cooperate due to fear, not the actual social cue.
Empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. This does not mean comparing childhoods. Comparing can lead to irrational thoughts and emotions. What I mean is we are not necessarily comparing apples to apples. Different children at different times and different parents.
As a parent, yes, we have all been children before. So we can understand what it means to not always know the right thing to do. Having the understanding and compassion for them can be helpful.
Having empathy for your child is reminding yourself that they are a child. This is a time in their lives that they are supposed to make mistakes and learn.
Healthy Parenting: Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are a way for parents to tell children where to stop. For example, we often need to tell children where to stop when it comes to talking. A specific example is, “Don’t talk when an adult is talking.” The boundary tells the child not to speak with an adult who is speaking. That tells the child where they need to stop. Remember that sometimes children might need to be reminded more than once. They are children and learning.
Healthy Parenting: Communication
Which words we use to communicate with kids is very important too. Remember, kids do not have the vocabulary that adults have. Keep the communication direct and use words they know.
What I mean by this is to try to avoid over-explaining. I agree that we need to explain why to children so they can begin to understand. But keep the explanation at the level they are at.
For instance, to explain why we do not speak when adults are talking, state, “because we want to be kind to the adult.” Depending on their age and understanding, they might not understand because it is respectful. And “because I said so” can teach children to cooperate due to fear, not the actual social cue.
Healthy Parenting: Empathy
Empathy is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. This does not mean comparing childhoods. Comparing can lead to irrational thoughts and emotions. What I mean is we are not necessarily comparing apples to apples. Different children at different times and different parents.
As a parent, yes, we have all been children before. So we can understand what it means to not always know the right thing to do. Having the understanding and compassion for them can be helpful.
Having empathy for your child is reminding yourself that they are a child. This is a time in their lives that they are supposed to make mistakes and learn.
Healthy Parenting: Realistic Expectations
Empathy and realistic expectations go hand in hand. Just as we want to understand how they feel, giving ourselves realistic expectations can be helpful. To illustrate, when your child makes a mistake and speaks over an adult, allow for some grace. Your child is a child and learning. And you are a parent trying to do your best. It is ok for kids to make mistakes. And it is ok to be the parent of a child who makes mistakes. Neither is expected to be perfect.Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!
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