Help Kids Calm Down
Posted: September 13, 2023
By Margie Frisco, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Teaching Kids to Calm Down - Labeling Emotions
Teaching children how to calm down has two parts to it. First, kids need to learn what emotions are. And then, we can address what to do with the big feeling after.
So to help them learn what emotions are, we can label the emotion for them. For example, if your child is stomping their feet and yelling, you can say, “Hey, kiddo, I see you are mad because you are stomping your feet and yelling.”
Remember that I am referring to younger children under the age of five or so. I say so because each child is different. And once your child understands the emotions and can verbally express their feelings, let them define the emotion.
For older children, feel free to ask them if they are struggling to communicate how they are feeling verbally. For instance, if your child/teen is crying, ask them, “Hey, I see you are crying. How are you feeling?” This open-ended question allows your child to fill in the blank with emotion.
Teaching Kids to Calm Down - Modeling Healthy Coping Skills
The second part addresses what to do with a big emotion. After labeling the emotion, we want to create a habit of turning to a healthy coping skill to make that big feeling smaller. See the link below to another blog explaining what a healthy coping skill is.
https://cincoranchcounseling.com/what-is-a-coping-skill/
Taking into account a healthy coping skill does not take the problem away. It just makes the big feeling smaller. So, we might have to do a couple of coping skills if the feelings are really big.
The important part of teaching healthy coping skills is to model it. What I mean by modeling is physically showing children how to do that. Try something like this when it is all together. “Hey, kiddo. You look mad because you are throwing things, and your facial expression is. Let’s try blowing bubbles to help make the anger smaller.” And then blow bubbles with them.
An example for an older child or teen could look like this. “Hey, child of mine. How are you feeling?” Give the child time to respond. Maybe they start pouring their heart out, or maybe they say nothing is wrong.
If you feel the child/teen is shutting down or ignoring their feelings, ask them if you can help with a conversation or a gentle reminder about healthy coping skills (assuming you have had a conversation explaining what they are and how to use them).
Furthermore, the best way to show your child how to calm down is to do what you preach. When you have big feelings, it is ok to say how you are feeling and that you need to do something to change it. Like, if you get some bad news from work, say, “I am feeling bummed about work. I am going to read for a little bit to get my mind off of it.”
I know this can feel silly, saying what you might be thinking. But remember, your children cannot read your thoughts. They might need you to explain what is going on in your mind when you have big feelings to help them know what to do when they have big feelings.
Why is it Important to Help Kids Calm Down
Children are not born with the skills to help themselves calm down. They do not even have the knowledge to know what emotions are. As adults, it is our job to explain these situations and what to do.
Again, I know it can feel silly saying your feelings out loud. But If we want our children to do this, we need to be able to show them how to do it.
Help Kids Calm Down
Learning how to calm down can be challenging. It is not something that humans are born with. That would make life so much easier. But unfortunately, it’s not that way. Also, for children, it can be tough to calm down. Many times they do not know details about emotions. They can often act like they have big feelings but do not know how or what to tell you. And kids typically do not know how to calm down once they have noticed they are in some big feelings.Teaching Kids to Calm Down - Labeling Emotions 
Teaching children how to calm down has two parts to it. First, kids need to learn what emotions are. And then, we can address what to do with the big feeling after.
So to help them learn what emotions are, we can label the emotion for them. For example, if your child is stomping their feet and yelling, you can say, “Hey, kiddo, I see you are mad because you are stomping your feet and yelling.”
Remember that I am referring to younger children under the age of five or so. I say so because each child is different. And once your child understands the emotions and can verbally express their feelings, let them define the emotion.
For older children, feel free to ask them if they are struggling to communicate how they are feeling verbally. For instance, if your child/teen is crying, ask them, “Hey, I see you are crying. How are you feeling?” This open-ended question allows your child to fill in the blank with emotion.
Teaching Kids to Calm Down - Modeling Healthy Coping Skills 
The second part addresses what to do with a big emotion. After labeling the emotion, we want to create a habit of turning to a healthy coping skill to make that big feeling smaller. See the link below to another blog explaining what a healthy coping skill is.
https://cincoranchcounseling.com/what-is-a-coping-skill/
Taking into account a healthy coping skill does not take the problem away. It just makes the big feeling smaller. So, we might have to do a couple of coping skills if the feelings are really big.
The important part of teaching healthy coping skills is to model it. What I mean by modeling is physically showing children how to do that. Try something like this when it is all together. “Hey, kiddo. You look mad because you are throwing things, and your facial expression is. Let’s try blowing bubbles to help make the anger smaller.” And then blow bubbles with them.
An example for an older child or teen could look like this. “Hey, child of mine. How are you feeling?” Give the child time to respond. Maybe they start pouring their heart out, or maybe they say nothing is wrong.
If you feel the child/teen is shutting down or ignoring their feelings, ask them if you can help with a conversation or a gentle reminder about healthy coping skills (assuming you have had a conversation explaining what they are and how to use them).
Furthermore, the best way to show your child how to calm down is to do what you preach. When you have big feelings, it is ok to say how you are feeling and that you need to do something to change it. Like, if you get some bad news from work, say, “I am feeling bummed about work. I am going to read for a little bit to get my mind off of it.”
I know this can feel silly, saying what you might be thinking. But remember, your children cannot read your thoughts. They might need you to explain what is going on in your mind when you have big feelings to help them know what to do when they have big feelings.
Why is it Important to Help Kids Calm Down 
Children are not born with the skills to help themselves calm down. They do not even have the knowledge to know what emotions are. As adults, it is our job to explain these situations and what to do.
Again, I know it can feel silly saying your feelings out loud. But If we want our children to do this, we need to be able to show them how to do it.
Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!
If you need more help with your child, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:- Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more information about therapy for children, as a parent, or as a family.
- Meet with one of our kind therapists
- Find other ways to help your child gain skills to help them calm down with therapy today!