By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC- Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S

Infidelity Betrayal Phase 3: Attach

The third and final part of  infidelity betrayal concerns attachment and sex. It is essential to talk about sex after a physical affair has occurred. This topic can bring up negative feelings, anger, and resentment for the betrayed partner when sexual intercourse is brought up. The betrayed partner often feels as if their partner is contaminated. It can be challenging to engage in sex when an image of their partner being with someone else keeps popping into their mind. The idea of their partner with another person can cause hate and pain.

Infidelity Betrayal: Talk About Sex

Sexual intimacy satisfying both partners is essential for the relationship to flourish. To move past the trauma of imagining one’s partner with another person, Gottman recommends that couples have intimate conversations and spend time talking about sex. In the second phase, couples discuss very personal and personal subjects. In this last phase, partners can bring sex into the discussions to discover their partner’s feelings and likes and dislikes in the bedroom.

Infidelity Betrayal: Communicate

Good communication is required for both partners to have enjoyable, satisfying sex. Partners will not have much satisfying sex if they cannot talk about their desires and needs in the sexual relationship. If it feels uncomfortable to talk about sex, start practicing by asking the partner what they like the most during lovemaking. Some sample questions can be: Where do you want to be kissed? How can I make sex more romantic for you? Where can I touch you? Your favorite position? What is one of your sexual fantasies? What turns you on the most? Gottman gives many examples to use in his book What Makes Love Last?

Infidelity Betrayal: Practice Talking About Intimacy

Learning how to talk about sex is an important skill to have to make progress for couples trying to recover from infidelity Betrayal. It can be easier to accomplish these talks by getting comfortable. Bring sexual discussions into everyday conversations and ask lots of questions. Remember that it’s normal for the betrayed partner to have a difficult time with this, as the cheating can cloud their head and make it difficult to want to connect with the person who betrayed them. Having conversations about sex will lead to knowing your partner on a more intimate level and deepen the emotional connection. By talking about sexual desires, the couple can begin to find joy in sex again.

Begin Couples Counseling in Katy, TX!

If you are ready to work through Infidelity Betrayal, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

• Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about emotionally focused therapy
• Meet with one of our compassionate therapists
• Find ways to thrive in your relationship!

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Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men's issues, women's issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!