Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch
My WordPress Blog
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC- Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S Infidelity Betrayal Phase 3: Attach The third and final part of infidelity betrayal concerns attachment and sex. It is essential to talk about sex after a physical affair has occurred. This topic can bring up negative feelings, anger, and resentment for the betrayed partner […]
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC- Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
The third and final part of infidelity betrayal concerns attachment and sex. It is essential to talk about sex after a physical affair has occurred. This topic can bring up negative feelings, anger, and resentment for the betrayed partner when sexual intercourse is brought up. The betrayed partner often feels as if their partner is contaminated. It can be challenging to engage in sex when an image of their partner being with someone else keeps popping into their mind. The idea of their partner with another person can cause hate and pain.
Sexual intimacy satisfying both partners is essential for the relationship to flourish. To move past the trauma of imagining one’s partner with another person, Gottman recommends that couples have intimate conversations and spend time talking about sex. In the second phase, couples discuss very personal and personal subjects. In this last phase, partners can bring sex into the discussions to discover their partner’s feelings and likes and dislikes in the bedroom.
Good communication is required for both partners to have enjoyable, satisfying sex. Partners will not have much satisfying sex if they cannot talk about their desires and needs in the sexual relationship. If it feels uncomfortable to talk about sex, start practicing by asking the partner what they like the most during lovemaking. Some sample questions can be: Where do you want to be kissed? How can I make sex more romantic for you? Where can I touch you? Your favorite position? What is one of your sexual fantasies? What turns you on the most? Gottman gives many examples to use in his book What Makes Love Last?
Learning how to talk about sex is an important skill to have to make progress for couples trying to recover from infidelity Betrayal. It can be easier to accomplish these talks by getting comfortable. Bring sexual discussions into everyday conversations and ask lots of questions. Remember that it’s normal for the betrayed partner to have a difficult time with this, as the cheating can cloud their head and make it difficult to want to connect with the person who betrayed them. Having conversations about sex will lead to knowing your partner on a more intimate level and deepen the emotional connection. By talking about sexual desires, the couple can begin to find joy in sex again.
If you are ready to work through Infidelity Betrayal, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC-Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S Facts. It’s the new word all the kids are saying. As an adult, I understand the term the way the kids say it to say I agree. But facts can be so helpful for all people of all ages. We use facts in therapy to […]
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC-Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
Facts. It’s the new word all the kids are saying. As an adult, I understand the term the way the kids say it to say I agree. But facts can be so helpful for all people of all ages.
We use facts in therapy to help better analyze our thoughts. Sometimes our emotions can get so overwhelming. It can feel like our emotions take over rational thought. What I mean by that is that emotions can impact our thoughts and blur the lines of truth.
Factual-based thinking can be constructive in understanding your feelings. Now, before you read further, it is essential to say you are allowed to feel your feelings. I take the view that emotions are like opinions. They typically are not wrong. They just are.
So, when you are experiencing big feelings, it is ok. To make your feelings smaller, you can use healthy coping skills. What is a coping skill, you might ask? A healthy coping skill is something that is healthy for you, healthy for others and makes you feel better. You can discover which ones feel the best for you.
After your feelings are smaller or you feel calm, you can begin to process your thoughts. Using facts to analyze our thoughts is genuinely looking at the thought to see what is factual. For instance, what parts are facts versus not? Many times we have thoughts that come into our heads.
For example, if you walk into a room and people turn to look at you. People often feel like, “oh my gosh, they are staring.” It can lead to other thoughts like, “I must have done something.” Or we can think they are thinking about us.
But when we look at the thought with facts, we can see something totally different. Do we really know what they are thinking? No. Furthermore, what are other options for them looking at us? It could be they heard a noise and checked it out. Maybe they were waiting for someone and checking to see who it was. The options are many!
Furthermore, finding the truth in our thoughts can help us see which thoughts are helpful versus hurtful. If we find ourselves repeatedly using painful thoughts, we can discover the route to some of our pain. Also, we can find ways to correct hurtful behaviors to improve our overall well-being.
Factual-based thinking helps review your thoughts. It can be beneficial in discerning whether a thought is helpful or hurtful. And it can aid in discovering how our thoughts can impact our behaviors.
This can be one of those times where it can be easier said than done. Keep in mind change is possible. Practicing reviewing your thoughts at the end of the day can be very helpful. Time and compassion can also help make changes and implement factual-based thinking in your daily life.
If you would like more help with processing with facts, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! To begin counseling in Katy, Texas, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC- Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S Infidelity Betrayal Phase 2: Attunement Welcome to the continued part of my blog on infidelity betrayal. In this phase of recovery, the couple has already gone through a lot of atonement and is in a place where forgiveness can start to take place. […]
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC- Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
Welcome to the continued part of my blog on infidelity betrayal. In this phase of recovery, the couple has already gone through a lot of atonement and is in a place where forgiveness can start to take place. This allows the couple to begin to look towards moving forward and building a new relationship. Both partners need to realize that there were some needs not being met and problems in the old relationship. The couple must now turn their focus to finding solutions and coming up with a new game plan for getting one another’s needs met.
Be vulnerable
John Gottman describes attunement as the desire and ability to understand and respect your partner’s inner world. Gottman states it is important that the couple share vulnerabilities with one another and be fully transparent. This prevents the partner from feeling isolated or unseen in the relationship. Gottman has many recommendations in his book What Makes Love Last? One of the suggestions is to have a set time each day to ask each other how their day went. This helps build trust by knowing the details of each other’s day and having that connection.
When talking with your partner about feelings, it is helpful to eliminate “you” statements and replace them with statements that begin with “I feel.” Instead of saying, “You act like a jerk,” say, “I feel frustrated and angry when you leave dirty clothes on the floor.” Another beneficial tip is to ask open-ended questions. This allows the speaker to talk more freely and not give a one-word answer as a reply. This helps open discussion and continues the conversation. It is easy to start attacking one another in discussions following cheating because the hurt is real, and feelings are still raw. Using these suggestions helps promote a calm atmosphere from getting out of control. Sharing emotions and being aware of the other person’s feelings is useful. This also helps the couple to feel more connected.
The goal is not to solve problems when someone is sharing how they feel but to be an active listener and support their partner, not fix all the problems. Of course, it can be good to help problem solve, but sometimes it is most important to be there after infidelity betrayal. Using this technique helps in communicating feelings and improves confidence in communication. Being transparent and vulnerable takes a lot of bravery. A counselor can help couples be able to express their emotions healthily. Being open requires a person to express their innermost thoughts. By being willing to be vulnerable, trust can be rebuilt. Being honest about insecurities and fears helps foster connection and knowing the other person more deeply.
Stay tuned for the third and final part of this series on how to recover from infidelity.
If you are ready to work through infidelity betrayal, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: M. Katherine Lickteig, MA, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S What is mindset? Mindset is a set of beliefs that help you make sense of your world. Beliefs are pivotal in setting goals and whether you reach your goals. Types of mindsets Studies have shown two types of mindsets: fixed vs. growth. […]
By: M. Katherine Lickteig, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Mindset is a set of beliefs that help you make sense of your world. Beliefs are pivotal in setting goals and whether you reach your goals.
Studies have shown two types of mindsets: fixed vs. growth.
People with a fixed mindset tend to believe that their abilities are fixed traits and, therefore, can’t be changed. This person also believes that their talent and intelligence alone lead to their success. They often feel that effort is not a factor in becoming successful.
On the other hand, a person with a growth mindset believes that their talents and abilities can be developed over time through effort and persistence. They know that they cannot necessarily be Albert Einstein, but they can improve their abilities with work.
Either I’m good at it, or I’m not.
I am who I am; I can’t change it.
If I don’t try, I will not fail.
I can learn anything
I am a work in progress
Failure is an opportunity to learn.
While it is not easy to change a fixed mindset, studies have shown that it is possible. Here’s how.
A person’s mindset plays a critical role in coping with life’s challenges. When problems happen, adults with a growth mindset view a problem as an opportunity to learn and grow. A person with a growth mindset is hungry to learn and discover new things. These same people are more likely to persevere when there are setbacks in life. People with fixed mindsets tend to give up when life does not go their way.
If you are looking to improve your mindset, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Ally Hoffman, MA, LPC-Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S At the start of each new year, we begin considering making thoughtful resolutions. Sometimes we even do an overhaul of something we did not feel worked out well this past year. We start evaluating our performance from the year before. Finally, we end up focusing […]
By: Ally Hoffman, MA, LPC-Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
At the start of each new year, we begin considering making thoughtful resolutions. Sometimes we even do an overhaul of something we did not feel worked out well this past year. We start evaluating our performance from the year before.
Finally, we end up focusing on one (or a few) of the main parts of wellness. For instance, we can focus on emotional health, physical health, occupational health, social well-being, spiritual health, intellectual wherewithal, environmental wellness, and financial health in the new year.
Ultimately, we are all looking to see whether or not we measured up to our expectations for the new year. This new year instead of listing out all of the things that had been accomplished, we take inventory of what we would like more of. We can even start formulating plans on how we can get to that end goal – whatever it may be.
Whether you want to “loose some weight” or something a bit less obvious to the naked eye, we all
have areas in which we could improve. For this new year try a new way to figure out what that might look like. It is important to consider the system you are operating and benchmarking.
Many times, we are inspired by others and set out to duplicate their success or efforts. For example, if I celebrate the success of a loved one eating healthier, it may not be as feasible for me to do the same. Given the differences in circumstances such as geographical location, financial means, dietary restrictions, etcetera.
So often we find ourselves, benchmarking based on other people’s systems. That makes it so much more difficult to measure up. Instead this new year, I encourage you to create your own system of measurement. This can help to determine whether or not you are meeting your goals.
So, you might be asking yourself, “where do I start?” The answer to that is, by looking at the system of which you are using! By helping set ourselves up to meet our goals, we are able to find more peace in our day-to-day activities. If we want to operate more efficiently as human beings, it is critical to accept that we are all very different!
Based on the differences of our upbringing and experiences, our systems are going to operate a little differently. Each might require different tools/resources. I like to offer a few ways of thinking about getting organized. Personally, I like incorporating a little bit of each of the following:
When many of us think about routine, it can sound very monotonous. Even so, we are pre-programmed to get a sense of accomplishment or relief when we complete a task. Additionally, the mere acknowledgment of the fact that you were capable of completing the task can act as an expression of gratitude!
In turn, this can increase motivation to continue completing tasks and our overall mental well-being. Specifically, you can start by considering the things you are naturally doing in your everyday life. For example, hygiene practices, wake-up/wind-down routines, meals, or other daily activities.
The idea here is to start small with things you notice you are already doing! I like to think of routines more like a checklist. It does not matter the order in which we complete the things on the routine list. However, they are likely to get done each and every day!
For those of us that work well knowing what is going to pan out from one hour to the next, it can be helpful to keep a record of these list items. Having an idea of all of the things that need to be get done is the starting point of any great system!
This new year consider starting by gathering a list of all of the things you would ideally like to complete over a period of time (typically a week’s time with the potential to add more long-term goals). From here, you are able to prioritize and categorize the various items in a way that makes sense for you! For instance, if I have items for work, home, and personal well-being, I might even color coordinate these items. Therefore, they stick out more clearly to me in my visual representation: digital/print calendar or time blocking sheet.
With this new year, incorporate a visual aid or reference that shows specific references to the categorization can help to designate time blocks and develop a plan for the order in which you care to go about them. Many times, I have clients consider adding the following categories: morning routine, travel times, productivity/work time, self-care, night- time routine, social hours, meal times, and more.
Now, if all of that sounds too overwhelming, let’s try starting even smaller – habit- building. According to Oxford Languages, habits are, “a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up,” so, let’s not give them up!
Instead, start thinking of the various things that you typically do in your day naturally and pair it with one additional task item that you would like to incorporate into your life. This new year start small with something like adding a glass of water right when you wake up.
Remember, for this method you have a cue, routine, and reward. So, for the example listed the cue would be getting out of bed, the routine is going to the bathroom and adding a glass of water, then the reward is feeling better after having started your metabolism. Now, the rewards can be plentiful if you’d like them to be. Even so, as we go into this new year, we are reminded of the importance of simplicity.
Looking to learn more about feeling better in the new year? One of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide individual and family counseling and other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC- Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S Infidelity Betrayal in Couples is hard! One of the biggest questions I get asked after an affair has been discovered is: how can I ever trust my partner again? Trust is such an important part of any relationship. To have it broken leads […]
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC- Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
Infidelity Betrayal in Couples is hard! One of the biggest questions I get asked after an affair has been discovered is: how can I ever trust my partner again?
Trust is such an important part of any relationship. To have it broken leads to a lot of heartaches, pain, and questions about the future.
John Gottman is a leader in couples counseling. He has a three-phase process to help heal from infidelity betrayal. To begin, this will be part one of a three-part series on recovering from an affair.
First, allow the partner who was betrayed to express all feelings fully. This can include anger, sadness, disappointment, and criticism of their partner. This phase can last for many months.
According to the Gottman Method, it is the responsibility of the person who cheated to take full responsibility for their actions and make amends. The person who cheated needs to have a lot of patience when dealing with the fallout of their infidelity betrayal while being non-defensive. Therefore, making repair attempts cannot happen if the person who cheated is blaming the other person for their mistakes, making excuses, or seeking revenge for why they cheated.
If you are betrayed you will have issues trusting your partner again and will often be triggered. Moreover, the cheating will come up. During this phase, the betrayed person gets caught up in the hurt and anger towards you and the infidelity betrayal. This can be the hardest phase for a couple to get through together.
If you are the partner who cheated, you may feel like the situation will never get better. For instance, cheating might even end up being the topic of conversation in arguments or disagreements. Instead of defending yourself whenever angry outbursts occur, it is best to take full responsibility and apologizes for the hurt that was caused. Despite taking full responsibility for the infidelity betrayal, the person who was betrayed has an important role. Being able to forgive!
If you are the wounded partner, to move on, you may need to get the answers to why and how it happened. Your partner needs to be 100% honest and open, even if it feels uncomfortable and awkward. It can seem counterproductive to include full details, and though it can cause a lot of heartache, it can be needed to reach forgiveness for the infidelity betrayal. Having these conversations with a therapist is helpful as both partners can become overwhelmed if there is no mediator.
If you cheated, you can tell your partner it will never happen again. However, unless the words are backed up with actions, they will be meaningless. Infidelity betrayal needs to have action to implement change.
Gottman states trust can be rebuilt by being fully transparent and allowing the partner to know where and what they are doing at all times. This includes allowing access to credit card records, texts, and calendars. This can seem like a lot. Many are against this at first, but the payoff is worth the sacrifice.
If you cheated, you need to make an effort to keep their word on all things, big and small. This can be discouraging because it can feel like a lack of freedom and independence. Keep in mind, infidelity betrayal can take some time to heal.
Importantly, the hurt partner needs to feel a sense of security and safety. They need to receive constant proof of their partner being truthful and honest. Moreover, the person who cheated will need to sacrifice some of their privacy and any activities that lead to the cheating. For example, going to bars or secretive behaviors. Until the trust is rebuilt in the relationship, those places and people are off limits.
Alternatively, some of these activities may be good to stop completely as to not put their partner in a vulnerable place for cheating to happen again. If the couple has decided to stay together, the hurt partner must be open to forgiving and being and patient. Yes, the cheating was wrong, but they are doing their best to change and move forward for the better.
Stay tuned for next week’s part two!
If you are ready to work through Infidelity Betrayal, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By Natasha Cooke, Practicum Student Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S Do you want to learn how to overcome your fear of confrontation? Learning the right skills to confront someone can help you avoid arguments and communicate more effectively. Here are four simple steps to effective confrontation. 4 Steps to Effective Confrontation Step 1: Decide what […]
By Natasha Cooke, Practicum Student
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
Learning the right skills to confront someone can help you avoid arguments and communicate more effectively. Here are four simple steps to effective confrontation.
What result do you want from confronting someone? Having a conversation with someone about their behavior should have an end goal in mind. For example, if you are confronting your co-worker about them calling you a hurtful nickname, your goal is for them to stop calling you that name. This is different than just wanting to tell your co-worker they are mean and hurtful. Having a goal in mind – the change in behavior you want to see – is key to effective confrontation.
The next step is to decide what to say. First, you need to include your goal. Let the person you are confronting know the harmful behavior and what specific change you are looking for. You may want to write down what you are going to say or practice out loud on your own or with a trusted friend. It may also be helpful to decide what you are not going to say. For example, you can tell yourself; I will not call them a hurtful nickname back. I will say that I’m not too fond of that nickname, and I don’t want to be called that anymore.
What is the right time to have this difficult conversation? Should it be said when the other person is angry or when you are mad? No, it shouldn’t. The best time to confront someone is when you are both in a calm situation. Remember, the goal of confrontation is not to make someone feel bad or hurt the other person. The goal is for the harmful behavior to change.
Okay, so it’s time to put it together using “I” statements, following this formula:
“I feel (insert feeling word),
when… (insert situation)
because… (why this act/statement provoked the feeling)
and I’d like…(state your want/need).”
For example,
“I feel hurt when that nickname is used because it makes me feel small, and I’d like not to be called that nickname from now on.”
Reframing your confrontation to include “I” statements is key to effectiveness.
In addition to this formula, getting help from professionals is highly recommended. Learning how to have effective confrontation is just one skill in your journey to be an effective communicator. Our counselors can help you gain skills to become more assertive, increase your confidence, strengthen your relationships and more.
If you are ready to learn confrontation skills, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Natasha Cooke, Practicum Student Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S Do you struggle with confrontation? Many of us do. Many of us even fear confrontation. We dread conversations that make us feel uneasy. We avoid conflict at all costs. Sometimes, we even go out of our way to confront the people we need to confront. […]
By: Natasha Cooke, Practicum Student
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
Many of us do. Many of us even fear confrontation. We dread conversations that make us feel uneasy. We avoid conflict at all costs. Sometimes, we even go out of our way to confront the people we need to confront. Confronting someone you care about can be especially difficult. You may be afraid that you come off as “needy” or “demanding.” You may not know how to approach the conversation. Many of us wonder if confrontation is worth it or if we would rather “keep the peace.”
Often, people believe that confrontation is something negative. Even Webster’s dictionary describes confrontation as a bad thing. In truth, confrontation can bring people closer together, strengthens relationship, and helps set healthy boundaries. In mental health, confrontation is defined as describing another person’s behavior so that that person can understand the consequences of their actions. The goal of confrontation is for the person being confronted to change their behavior.
It is normal to be afraid of having a difficult conversation with someone. For example, it may seem complicated to confront your coworkers and ask them not to call you that hurtful nickname anymore. You may feel like they may want to stop being your friend or think less of you. So, what is the harm in avoiding that conversation? You may think that not speaking up is the best thing to do. But, in truth, you are letting others cross boundaries that hurt you.
Avoiding confrontation can also lead to lower self-esteem. When we keep ignoring others’ harmful behavior, we are telling ourselves that we are not worth being treated fairly. For example, let’s say you have a friend who keeps canceling on you last minute or often forgets to meet you for a hangout. This likely hurts your feelings. You want to confront them, but it seems too hard. Letting them continue this behavior means that your time is not worth as much as theirs. This can lead you to believe you are less important than others, a sign of low self-esteem.
Other dangers of avoiding confrontation include broken relationships, low confidence, feelings of uneasiness, unhappiness, fear in relationships, social anxiety, and stressful environments, among many more. In sum, it’s best to learn how to overcome your fear of confrontation and become more assertive in your everyday life.
There are many ways counselors can help people who fear confrontation. Cognitive-behavior therapy, talk therapy, communication skills, role-playing, assertiveness training, and confidence building are just a few ways counselors help people become more comfortable with confrontation.
If you are ready to learn confrontation skills, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: M. Katherine Lickteig, MA, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Nacho Parenting! Blending a family can be very difficult. You might find yourself at odds with your new partner. You have your parenting style, and your new spouse has their parenting style. Couples who have struggled to find peace in their blended […]
By: M. Katherine Lickteig, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Blending a family can be very difficult. You might find yourself at odds with your new partner. You have your parenting style, and your new spouse has their parenting style.
Couples who have struggled to find peace in their blended family home have stumbled upon a parenting style called “Nacho Parenting.”
The Nacho parenting style has the central tenant that since they are not your children, they are not your responsibility. This does not mean that the stepparent will not stop loving their stepchildren. You treat the children the same way that you would treat a friend’s child. No one would discipline their friend’s child.
Children go through the bonding process with their biological parents from the time of their birth. There is a history between your spouse and their child. It is a bond that a new person and the child do not share. Discipline without connection can be disastrous.
Also, they are not your children, so they are not your responsibility. You have an unusual relationship that you cannot have with your children. You can be their friend or even a mentor. This relationship may develop and even be as important as being their parents.
You, Nacho, because it’s the easy way out.
Wrong! Nacho-style parenting is anything but easy! Learning to respond and not react takes time and practice.
This style of parenting will teach your partner a lesson. You don’t use this parenting style to dump everything on your partner to cause them more stress.
You hand back the parenting responsibilities to lower stress and improve your relationship with the child.
You are hurting the kids by using this style of parenting.
If you are doing the technique correctly, the kids will benefit also. Taking some of the stress out of the relationship allows you to build relationships with the children. You get the advantage of being a great role model, confidant, and friend to the children.
Once you use this style of parenting, you must do this forever.
This style of parenting is fluid. Over time some of the things you took a step back on, you will not have to Nacho anymore because you’ve learned how to better handle the situations through personal development. And there may be new things you do need to Nacho. People change, and circumstances change. I must say that I still chose this parenting style with my stepkids because it’s what’s best for my stress and our blend.
If I Nacho, I have to Nacho everything!
Fact: You do not have to Nacho everything. You, Nacho, the things that cause you stress. If you enjoy taking the stepkids to school and you are implementing the Nacho method, keep taking them to school. Don’t stop doing the things you want!
Nachoing is ignoring!
Fact: Nachoing is not ignoring. Instead, it’s not engaging in any negative interaction with the kids.
If I Nacho, I would need to re-engage with the kids at some point.
Fact: The goal of this parenting style is to lower your stress and re-engage with your spouse’s kids in a role that works best for your Family. There will still be situations in that you might not feel comfortable re-engaging.
You can’t say anything to your stepkids, ever!
Fact: Yes, the first rule of Nacho parenting is trying not to say anything negative to your spouses’ kids. If you are told to shut up, then you will ask them not to speak to you in that manner. It does not mean that you cannot express your boundaries.
Your partner will hate you for Nachoing.
Fact: Your partner may not be too happy, to begin with. They will get used to this parenting style and may grow to appreciate it. It will allow your spouse to build their identity as a parent. It will allow for a more peaceful dynamic in the household.
You can’t help your significant other with stuff related to their kids if you are Nachoing.
Fact: You can always help your partner with anything you desire. The point of this style of parenting is that it is very fluid and will change as your relationships grow.
If you are looking for parenting help, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: M. Katherine Lickteig, MA, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S What can be the culprit for Holiday Depression? Holiday depression can occur during November and December due to increased stress and anxiety. Even content people may experience loneliness and lack fulfillment during this time of year. What is the main reason for […]
By: M. Katherine Lickteig, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Holiday depression can occur during November and December due to increased stress and anxiety. Even content people may experience loneliness and lack fulfillment during this time of year.
While there are several reasons that a person could develop depression, the main predictor is social isolation and grief during the holidays.
Social isolation is one of the most significant predictors of depression, especially during the holidays. Some people may have a small social circle or lack opportunities for socialization. People who have feelings of disconnectedness often avoid social interactions during holiday time. Unfortunately, withdrawing often makes the feelings of loneliness and symptoms of depression worse.
Holidays tend to intensify most people’s emotions. This is the time of the year when many are made aware of losing a loved one.
Eat a healthy diet
Maintain a regular sleep pattern
Exercise 30 minutes a day
Get as much sunlight as possible
Talk to your doctor if your sadness continues for a long time. They will refer you to a mental health specialist to help you work through your sadness. Do the following If your feelings of sadness overwhelm you and is accompanied by suicidal thoughts:
The holidays can be overwhelming. However, there is a difference between being overwhelmed and having holiday depression. If your sadness has become chronic and you are sinking into depression. The main thing is to get help. You can join a support group, or you can seek out a therapist so that you can talk out your triggers. Talking to people that understand what you are experiencing can also help.
If you are looking for parenting help, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!