Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch
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By Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC-A Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S There is so much to like about Thanksgiving! Getting to enjoy delicious food, spending time with people you love, and sharing what you are feeling thankful for. But did you know there are also mental health benefits? Begin With Thankfulness There have been many […]
By Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC-A
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
There is so much to like about Thanksgiving! Getting to enjoy delicious food, spending time with people you love, and sharing what you are feeling thankful for. But did you know there are also mental health benefits?
There have been many studies done that show people who take time out of their day to think about what they are grateful for experience more optimism, more positivity, greater moods, and a sense of belonging compared to people who do not stop and consider what they are thankful for. Research also shows that gratitude has a positive effect on relationships. Couples who take time to express and show gratitude for one another feel more positive towards their partner and are more comfortable sharing concerns. Expressing gratitude also has a positive effect on other relationships, such as friendships, bosses, and family members. Those who express gratitude have been shown to have better relationships than those who do not.
There are many people who enjoy cooking and baking as a way to be creative and also as a way to relax. Cooking and baking classes are becoming more popular in mental health settings for helping to lower depression and anxiety. Some people find cooking to be a calming experience and a distraction from their life stressors. Others feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when they see their family or friends enjoying a meal they worked hard to prepare. One study found that baking classes increased confidence, boosted concentration, and provided people with feeling a sense of purpose. This Thanksgiving, when you see a loved one preparing a meal, offer to lend a hand and let them know how much you appreciate their efforts and hard work.
Quality Time with Loved Ones During ThanksgivingBeing able to spend time with people you care about is another way Thanksgiving helps with your mental health. Social relationships are important to our well-being and mental health. People who report having satisfying relationships with family and friends are more likely to be happier, experience fewer health problems, and live a longer life. On the opposite side, a lack of social relationships is associated with depression, later-in-life cognitive decline, and increased mortality. Relationships need to provide emotional support and empathy to have a positive effect. Unhappy relationships can do damage to your mental health and are considered the same as having no relationships at all. Close relationships are helpful because they can reduce stress, provide purpose and meaning, and increase life satisfaction. Lab studies have shown that when participants are exposed to stress, emotional support helps lower blood pressure and increases the secretion of damaging stress-related hormones.
Although holidays can be stressful, having close and supportive friends can have a positive effect! Thanksgiving is a great time to share a meal and have quality time with friends and family! Having a delicious meal with friends and family is something that can be done throughout the year, not just at Thanksgiving. Planning to spend meals with people who support and encourage you will also add benefits to your mental health as well as feeling a sense of warmth and belonging.
If you are ready to begin counseling to improve your mental health, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Ally Hoffman, MA, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Perspective Taking to Problem-Solve We have all been there, uncomfortable and frustrated because we aren’t quite seeing eye-to-eye with someone we are conversing with. While both parties might’ve been involved in the original situation, we find ourselves having to face the inevitable fact […]
By: Ally Hoffman, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
We have all been there, uncomfortable and frustrated because we aren’t quite seeing eye-to-eye with someone we are conversing with. While both parties might’ve been involved in the original situation, we find ourselves having to face the inevitable fact that there are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and what truly happened. Ideally, it would be the responsibility of both individuals to assess their feelings and articulate their perspectives with the hopes that the other will find compassion for their experience and vice versa. In practice, while both parties might not agree on how everything played out, they are able to find common ground in the experience. This ultimately leads to more compassion and even resolution.
Unfortunately, here in the United States, we are not set up for success in this endeavor. Our culture encourages individualism which is great for developing identity and a strong sense of self. However, the same idea lends itself to divisiveness – drawing us further apart rather than working to collaborate and compromise to meet both parties’ needs, even if that does not include one hundred percent agreement on the matter.
In both my professional and personal life, I have found that agreeing to disagree is somewhat of a lost art. A lot of times, I think most of us really enjoy the simplicity that comes with being right – no arguments, no drama, no discourse, just solace and peace knowing you were, in fact, correct. As a result, others are left feeling wrong or rejected when in fact, maybe the truth is somewhere in between. It may be easier to make sense of the world and black and white, but the world truly operates in shades of gray. If we focus less on our ego and the fact of being right, we could possibly connect more to one another with growing compassion for the experiences each of us is having. Even offering yourself a moment to learn something new or see things in a different light.
The problem lies in the fact that we get defensive when we feel we need protection. Whether the protection is for our physical self, emotional self, or otherwise. As a society, we tend to write off opposing viewpoints instead of taking them into consideration. I speculate this is because the opposition acts as a potential threat to our need for belonging and acceptance. So, as a result, we become very protective even over our intellectual property.
In other words, we become very protective over our own experiences. Thus, encouraging the polarity between the two people. Being protective and sharing our perspective is more than okay so long as we try to refrain from defensiveness to the best of our ability. Defensiveness itself can work to deflect attention from the original issue or even act as a buffer for the shame and other negative emotions that arise in moments of discourse.
Knowing that defensiveness is likely to happen, we are offered an opportunity to open our minds and hearts up to be curious about the defensiveness and use it as a chance to understand our own and the other person’s internal world a bit better. Inherently, this requires trust. Trust in ourselves to ensure we are upholding boundaries that hold us steady and keep us feeling safe and secure. While, at the same time, trusting others to hold the information we share and not using it to retaliate while both are holding a vulnerable position. Having a clear understanding of that position prior to moving forward can be the antidote that irradiates the need for unhealthy conflict.
Instead, both parties can approach the situation by practicing compassion and understanding with the idea that both hold the need for resolve and both have the need to feel seen, heard, and understood. Offering that space for them to explain themselves without judgment or preconceived notions allows us, the receivers of the information, to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes for a moment and consider what it might have been like on their end.
While it may not be easy to accept responsibility and have someone hold us accountable, it is important that we take responsibility for our part as a means to connect better and build a relationship with the person on the other end. When reciprocated, we also have that same opportunity to hold them accountable and have the same recognition and reprieve they might have felt in their share. Ultimately, it takes an incredible amount of courage to do this! Courage to trust, courage to share, courage to accept rejection, courage to accept responsibility. It is EVERYONE’s job to find that courage and channel it into positive outcomes rather than divisive attitudes and defensiveness.
Looking to learn more about how better understand others’ perspectives? One of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S What is Emotional Support? Emotional support is so important to a relationship. Before I start talking about ways to improve emotional support, I want to define what emotional support is. Emotional support is showing care and compassion for another person. This is […]
By Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Emotional support is so important to a relationship. Before I start talking about ways to improve emotional support, I want to define what emotional support is. Emotional support is showing care and compassion for another person. This is done with verbal and non-verbal actions. Emotional support connects people and makes them feel they are not alone. Feeling emotionally supported increases intimacy and feelings of trust in a relationship. It is easier to share feelings and be vulnerable with someone who you feel cares for you and has your best interests at heart. There is a connection between relationship satisfaction and emotional support. The higher the emotional support, the greater the relationship satisfaction.
When giving emotional support, it can be easy to try and fix the problem or find a solution. Unless specifically asked for, try to focus on asking open-ended questions to gain more understanding and give your undivided attention. Use non-verbal cues to show you are taking in what they are saying. This can be done by maintaining eye contact, facing them, or touching their hand. Let them know you understand and reassure them it is normal to feel the way they are feeling. Be attentive to what they are saying and be responsive instead of reactive.
There are many opportunities throughout the day to turn toward your partner. Who is the first person you go to when sharing good news? If you are having a bad day, are you able to turn towards your partner for comfort and security? It is important to be a safe place for your partner to come to when the outside world feels out of control. Your partner needs to know that when they’re upset, you will stop and listen.
A supportive partner is someone who is your biggest fan and cheers you on. When you or your partner feel sad, unmotivated, or afraid, do you help lift one another up? Being a supportive partner means you’re both there to help one another if the other one falls or stumbles. It also means you keep their spirits up and celebrate when they are successful.
If you feel you lack the confidence to share your feelings with your partner, this could be a sign of lacking emotional intimacy. When you have a true, emotionally supportive partner, you know you can trust your emotions and feelings with that person. Talking about how you are feeling and being validated is essential. It is also important not to dismiss your partner’s feelings or minimize them. Even if it seems like they are being irrational, their feelings are real to them and deserve to be respected and validated.
When out with friends or family, show respect to your partner. If you put them down or criticize them in front of others, this will take away trust from your relationship. If you feel something needs to be said, wait until you are somewhere private with just your partner and discuss it then. How you treat your partner in front of others can strengthen their confidence. Recognizing their strengths and capabilities helps to build them up and increase their sense of self-worth.
Anytime you are trying to add a new skill, it is important to schedule it, plan a reminder, or write it down. Why? It has not become a habit yet, and reminding yourself about checking in with your partner, paying them a compliment, or doing something nice for them is a way to show support every day and not forget to do it.
There is no one way to show emotional support. It can come in a variety of ways and look different to different people. If you feel like your relationship is lacking emotional support, it is never too late to start. Showing gratitude, being an active listener, showing affection, or taking something off their to-do list are only a few examples. Also, check in with them for feedback on if they are getting what they need. Showing support in the way your partner needs it is another part of the equation. Communicate often and never give up.
If you are ready to start working on building a stronger emotional connection, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Ally Hoffman, MA, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Finding The Support You Really Want Have you ever been confiding in someone and just felt like they didn’t quite understand what kind of support you were looking for at that moment? Those times when you are just left feeling like you want […]
By: Ally Hoffman, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Have you ever been confiding in someone and just felt like they didn’t quite understand what kind of support you were looking for at that moment? Those times when you are just left feeling like you want more from your support system or that what you were sharing didn’t land correctly? Well, because of all of our nuanced experiences, it can be difficult for our loved ones to truly know what we want or need in those moments of confidence. As a result, you might sometimes be left feeling misunderstood, unseen, or unheard. Let’s talk about how to find the support you really want.
Sometimes when working with clients, it becomes apparent that the safe space we hold for them is simply not enough. This is because no matter how comfortable we feel with someone, it does not fill the void of being truly seen and understood. It is important that we recognize the level of trust required to know that someone will be able to fulfill our requests for connection. Not to mention the contingency of a person understanding that even though they may not have felt attended to before, it is possible. A therapist once told me that we sometimes have to “teach people how to treat us.” Offering the idea that even if we are not feeling as though someone is truly attending to us, there is still a possibility for that to happen, given the right circumstances. While it is important that our loved ones pick up on our cues, occasionally, it takes the courage of the individual seeking help to really guide their support system on how to do so in a way that feels right for them.
So, I am sure you are wondering at this point – what exactly does it mean to “teach people how to treat us”? For starters, it is important that we look inside ourselves and consider what we really want or need. The reality is, we have to be able to identify those things within ourselves before we can ask others to play their part in helping us.
I ask you to consider the following options when looking for emotional support from others. Are you looking for comfort, advice, or simply for space to be held for you? Each of these manners of attendance offers different levels of involvement and input from the person offering. By letting our support system know what we are looking for and offering guidance throughout the conversation to help support your needs, clients often feel much more seen, heard, and understood. It is important to practice compassion for the support person’s experience and understand that others cannot read our minds. This is how we can cultivate the supportive experience we were hoping for! At the end of the day, we are all looking for support. The context of each of our trials and tribulations can absolutely change the way we care to be attended to. No situation has a foolproof answer!
When we are looking for comfort, we ask our support system to empathize with our experience and offer some supportive reassurance that we are going to be able to manage what it is that life is throwing our way! Comfort can help to give us strength in moments of adversity and can look different depending on the situation.
Ultimately, the idea is to provide a console and help free the person from physical or emotional pain as best we can. For example, this could look like offering physical comfort with something like a hug. It could also be more emotional or mental comfort through interpersonal conversation or even spending time immersing themselves in a movie or related works. Other times, this can look more spiritual in nature, offering comfort through the use of worship or attuning to our higher power. Finally, one of the other ways we can create comfort for those in distress would be by addressing the environmental aspects of the situation and all of the sensory input that entails. This includes sounds, smells, lighting, textures, and general atmosphere.
Alternatively, when we are looking for specific ways to help address the situations at hand, we typically seek some advice. A huge piece of this particular type of comfort is whether or not the supportive person is offering suggestions based on request or in an unsolicited manner. This is often the make-or-break factor for this particular type of support. It is also important to consider whether the advice offered is something that you truly wish to do. Even if we ask others for their input, that inquiry does not require that we follow what it is that they suggest.
So, if this is the type of support you are looking for, consider what kinds of advice you might be searching for. It could be recommendations for or against a topic or coaching for specific skill-building or mindset. Alternatively, it could be for objectivity in finding creative solutions or understanding. It could also be more mentorship that entails a longstanding relationship in that you will often seek counsel. Each of these offers guidance to the supporter on what specifically you are looking for at any given moment. They also help to indicate the time commitment and overall involvement.
Finally, one of the simplest ways of showing support is having others offer us a safe space to simply just be. That space we are looking to have held for us does have a few general requirements, though. Typically, we are looking for a judgment-free zone where our supporters feel like they are truly paying attention and grounded in the present moment.
That space is intentionally focused on the person needing the support. Those seeking help are looking for compassion and to be fully embraced and understood when sharing their truth. The space is for the person needing the support and is free of any opinions or input from the supporters. This type of support can greatly impact those who have not felt as though they might be able to share their thoughts, feelings, and opinions in the past.
Looking to learn more about how to garner the support you really want? One of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S How to Help a Child Self-Soothe Children have big emotions and it can be hard for them to self-soothe. It can feel like there is nothing else but this big emotion. For them to see a resolution like deep breathing can feel, as […]
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Children have big emotions and it can be hard for them to self-soothe. It can feel like there is nothing else but this big emotion. For them to see a resolution like deep breathing can feel, as the parent, out of reach.
Children are like adults when it comes to emotions. Parents can feel all of the feelings. Kids can feel them too. But they do not always have the best ways to manage their emotions.
Self-soothing is anything someone does to help regulate their emotions on their own. It can also be a healthy way to help your child make the big feeling smaller. Specifically for younger kiddos, this can be taking a deep breath or asking for help from an adult.
For older children and teens, this can look different. Since they are more advanced in thought processes, self-soothing can also be more complex. For instance, they might walk away from a stressful situation or think of other options for reacting to the situation at hand.
What I mean by modeling is showing a child how to do something. Children are not born with skills to self-soothe. We must teach them. Studies have shown that children learn social/emotional skills by repeating what they see.
As the parent, you can model how to self-soothe. As much as we wish and hope your children have a carefree life without stress, that might not be a realistic expectation. Showing them what to do if they have big feelings can be helpful.
To show them it is ok to talk through what you are experiencing. This might feel silly, but children do not know what we are thinking. For example, if you get some sad news, saying, “I feel sad,” is ok.” You can then show them how to self-soothe by taking a deep breath or asking for a hug.
I know sometimes, the big feelings can feel overwhelming. Sometimes it can feel like the child is “past the point of no return.” Here are a few techniques to help you and your child bring the big emotions down.
Try making deep breathing into a game. To use deep breathing to calm your body, we need to breathe in a specific way. We need the exhale to be longer than the inhale. To help a child ensure that deep breathing is longer, make it a competition.
If the child is not interested in a game, try whispering to them. I know this can sound counter-intuitive. But often, children will be intrigued by what the parent is telling them, so they quiet down to hear what you are saying.
It can be difficult being a parent. Helping your child learn how to self-soothe early can help set them up for emotional stability as an adult. Call today to learn more about how to help your child self-soothe when they have big feelings.
If you would like more help with helping your child self-soothe, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Alexia Cabreras, MS, Life Coach Supervised by: Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Fall is a time when many go through a “funk”. September starts to feel different, but at the same time… it doesn’t. I think we can all agree that when the season starts to change, we experience feelings that feel a bit outside […]
By: Alexia Cabreras, MS, Life Coach
Supervised by: Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Fall is a time when many go through a “funk”. September starts to feel different, but at the same time… it doesn’t. I think we can all agree that when the season starts to change, we experience feelings that feel a bit outside of the ordinary. For many, it’s the excitement of the holidays coming up and the year coming to an end. For others, it’s a difficult time filled with distant memories, hardships, increased anxiety, and many other battles being fought day to day.
The leaves change colors, the breeze is cool, and yet, some of our problems are still the same. It’s easy to become a victim of the “funky fall disorder” (as I like to call it) when we must physically and mentally adjust to new routines that come with seasonal changes. Avoiding the funk isn’t easy, but let me help you come up with a few tactics that may help you within the coming months.
Don’t stay cooped up in your home! The days are shorter, so don’t let time pass you by. Use the nice weather as an excuse to get out and enjoy a good ol’ nature walk. You don’t even have to go for a walk; just sit outside and enjoy doing something outside of the ordinary.
Don’t let the seasonal changes get the best of you by isolating yourself from social events. Spend time with people who enhance your mood. When you surround yourself with people who make you happy, you’re likely to experience the same emotion.
Getting vitamin D directly from the sun helps your body maintain higher levels of serotonin. Not only does it enhance your mental well-being, but the production of vitamin D maintains your physical health just as balanced.
Come up with a system that works for you! Every day won’t always be the same, but having an idea of what you’d like to accomplish and setting goals for your days can enhance your well-being and encourage you to get through the funk.
The funk is temporary; not every day will be a difficult day. Some days will be hard, but others may be easier and will help to make it through the feeling that much quicker. As I mentioned earlier, the seasons change, but what we go through doesn’t change as quickly. During this funky time, you have the power to control how best to deal with the situation. You are strong enough to know how to cope with the seasonal changes. Start by thinking about all the good things yet to come and how to make the best out of every situation.
If you need help getting out of a seasonal funk, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Natasha Cooke, MS Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S What is Social Anxiety? Is meeting new people your worst fear? Do you tremor or suffer from anxiety when faced with social situations? You may be suffering from social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety disorder is determined by meeting several criteria from the DSM-5 TR (one of […]
By: Natasha Cooke, MS
Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
Is meeting new people your worst fear? Do you tremor or suffer from anxiety when faced with social situations? You may be suffering from social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety disorder is determined by meeting several criteria from the DSM-5 TR (one of the main mental disorder categorization systems). Some criteria include fear or anxiety in social situations in which one is exposed to possible scrutiny or feels negatively evaluated by others. Additionally, social situations nearly always provoke fear. The person in question avoids social situations due to fear, and one or more areas of the person’s life are significantly impaired.
How will you know if you have social anxiety disorder? You will meet all the criteria for the disorder and likely be diagnosed by a mental health practitioner.
So, what’s not social anxiety disorder? Feeling a bit or moderately uncomfy when you meet new people, forgetting people’s names immediately after hearing them for the first time, or being an introvert is not cause for alarm, nor do they indicate social anxiety disorder is present. It’s natural for individuals to feel a bit nervous when they meet someone new or attempt to make a new friend. Even if you do have social anxiety, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have social anxiety disorder! So that’s the good news.
Now that we know the difference between having some occasional social anxiety and having social anxiety disorder, what’s next? Is it possible to make new friends? Absolutely. It may be a bit tough, but here are some general ideas on how you can make friends.
Mental health therapy is a wonderful tool for navigating social anxiety, whether you have a diagnosis or not. A common type of therapy that is helpful for social anxiety is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Therapists that use CBT with their clients help them work through irrational thoughts and gain insight into thought patterns. In addition, if your therapist uses CBT, they may use techniques such as role-playing to help guide you through social anxiety.
What is the best way to get good at something, even making friends? Practice! Role-playing in therapy is a tool or strategy that therapists use to help clients become desensitized to situations, confrontations, or even prepare for job interviews. Role-playing helps clients by practicing an “attempt at making a new friend” scenario. It might sound silly, but thankfully, therapists are not here to judge. They won’t make you feel silly or embarrassed and genuinely want you to succeed. In other words, in therapy, you will role-play likely situations in a place where you feel safe and comfortable. From there, you take steps to utilize your new skills in real life.
Maybe role-playing doesn’t feel like enough to help you navigate your anxiety through social situations. So, what else can you do? Building your confidence and self-esteem is certainly the way to go, and you can also look to therapy to help with this! One way to build confidence is to make a list of things you are good at. Be proud of the talents that you have, no matter how large or small. Utilize positive self-talk and hype yourself up about these skills as often as possible! Spend time with like-minded people that also offer positivity. Some ways to build self-esteem are being kind to yourself, learning to say “no,” becoming more assertive, building positive relationships, detaching yourself from people that tear you down, and journaling.
Overall, nearly everyone deals with some social anxiety at one point or another. If you happen to be someone who deals with it constantly or maybe even has social anxiety disorder, you are not alone. Remember that getting a formal diagnosis may be helpful for severe cases. Other helpful tools are seeking counseling, learning skills for making friends, building confidence, and increasing self-esteem. While it may seem impossible now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can acquire the skills and tools needed to make friends and manage social anxiety. And no, you don’t have to become an extrovert either! You’ve got this!
If you are ready to feel like your best self, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By Margie Frisco, MA, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Help Kids Calm Down Learning how to calm down can be challenging. It is not something that humans are born with. That would make life so much easier. But unfortunately, it’s not that way. Also, for children, it can be tough to calm […]
By Margie Frisco, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Learning how to calm down can be challenging. It is not something that humans are born with. That would make life so much easier. But unfortunately, it’s not that way.
Also, for children, it can be tough to calm down. Many times they do not know details about emotions. They can often act like they have big feelings but do not know how or what to tell you. And kids typically do not know how to calm down once they have noticed they are in some big feelings.
Teaching children how to calm down has two parts to it. First, kids need to learn what emotions are. And then, we can address what to do with the big feeling after.
So to help them learn what emotions are, we can label the emotion for them. For example, if your child is stomping their feet and yelling, you can say, “Hey, kiddo, I see you are mad because you are stomping your feet and yelling.”
Remember that I am referring to younger children under the age of five or so. I say so because each child is different. And once your child understands the emotions and can verbally express their feelings, let them define the emotion.
For older children, feel free to ask them if they are struggling to communicate how they are feeling verbally. For instance, if your child/teen is crying, ask them, “Hey, I see you are crying. How are you feeling?” This open-ended question allows your child to fill in the blank with emotion.
The second part addresses what to do with a big emotion. After labeling the emotion, we want to create a habit of turning to a healthy coping skill to make that big feeling smaller. See the link below to another blog explaining what a healthy coping skill is.
https://cincoranchcounseling.com/what-is-a-coping-skill/
Taking into account a healthy coping skill does not take the problem away. It just makes the big feeling smaller. So, we might have to do a couple of coping skills if the feelings are really big.
The important part of teaching healthy coping skills is to model it. What I mean by modeling is physically showing children how to do that. Try something like this when it is all together. “Hey, kiddo. You look mad because you are throwing things, and your facial expression is. Let’s try blowing bubbles to help make the anger smaller.” And then blow bubbles with them.
An example for an older child or teen could look like this. “Hey, child of mine. How are you feeling?” Give the child time to respond. Maybe they start pouring their heart out, or maybe they say nothing is wrong.
If you feel the child/teen is shutting down or ignoring their feelings, ask them if you can help with a conversation or a gentle reminder about healthy coping skills (assuming you have had a conversation explaining what they are and how to use them).
Furthermore, the best way to show your child how to calm down is to do what you preach. When you have big feelings, it is ok to say how you are feeling and that you need to do something to change it. Like, if you get some bad news from work, say, “I am feeling bummed about work. I am going to read for a little bit to get my mind off of it.”
I know this can feel silly, saying what you might be thinking. But remember, your children cannot read your thoughts. They might need you to explain what is going on in your mind when you have big feelings to help them know what to do when they have big feelings.
Children are not born with the skills to help themselves calm down. They do not even have the knowledge to know what emotions are. As adults, it is our job to explain these situations and what to do.
Again, I know it can feel silly saying your feelings out loud. But If we want our children to do this, we need to be able to show them how to do it.
If you need more help with your child, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC-Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Do you know how to connect with your son? Raising my two children, including my 15-year-old son and a nine-year-old daughter, brings me both a lot of joy and, at times, a lot of stress. When my son was young, I always heard […]
By: Tara Kong, MS, NCC, LPC-Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Do you know how to connect with your son? Raising my two children, including my 15-year-old son and a nine-year-old daughter, brings me both a lot of joy and, at times, a lot of stress. When my son was young, I always heard parents of older children saying, “Just wait until he’s a teenager.” When we entered the teen years a few years ago, I wasn’t sure what to expect and felt some trepidation. Now that we are a few years in, I can say that parenting a teenage son is challenging, unpredictable, and can be a rewarding experience. My son likes to talk to me just before I’m about to go to sleep. He’ll come into my room and ask if I want to come out and talk to him. Even though I am usually exhausted, I get up and make the time to go out and have a conversation with my son. And yes, it is 100% worth it.
Here are some things I learned about raising a teenage son from experience and from reading teen parenting blogs.
As parents, we often feel it is our job to impart wisdom, help them make choices, and guide our children down the correct path. But sometimes they just need us to listen, really listen to them. It’s a different world than the one we grew up in, and there’s a lot we can learn from our children by simply allowing them a safe space to talk.
Teaching our children that the world does not revolve around them is important and can be hard because they are the center of our universe. When kids demand or expect more than our love, that is when it becomes a problem. You’re not doing your child any favors by teaching them it is ok to have an attitude of entitlement. Yes, we want them to fit in and feel good and happy, but the desire for instant gratification and the demand to get something simply because we want it is not teaching an attitude of gratitude.
Research has evidence that there is a direct link between low self-esteem and materialism. We often give our kids more because we think it will make us all feel better, but what it actually does is place a higher priority on stuff instead of on relationships. Kids don’t need more stuff or more freedom; they need more of you.
Help your teenage son understand it’s important to have friends of different color, sex, religion, and backgrounds. It is essential that you also follow this advice because if your kids see you only hang out with people who are just like you, they may question if you really mean what you say.
Ask and discuss with your children how they think others may be feeling in different situations. It can be real-life situations or fictional ones. For example, if you watch a movie or television show, ask your child who she or he relates to most and why. Be sure to model empathy in your own life and discuss it with your children. Tell about a time you noticed a friend or family member who was hurting and what you did to try and comfort them or support them.
Take accountability for the successes as well as the failures in your life. If you are unhappy with something in life, don’t place the blame on someone else. Make a change and work hard to fix what you don’t like. Don’t wait for someone else to change or circumstances to be perfect before doing what you can to help the situation.
It is important for children to know that they will not be liked by everyone they come across. On the other hand, they may not like everyone they come across. No matter what you do, there will still be people who don’t like you for one reason or another. When my son had a teacher he didn’t like, we used it as a learning experience that sometimes in life, you have to work with people who you don’t like. Be kind and respectful, and move on.
Help your children understand that no means no. It does not mean trying harder. It is important for teenage boys and girls to understand consent and what it fully means. It is also important to teach them they have the right to say no or change their minds.
The Marshmallow Experiment of 1972 showed that delayed gratification has many benefits. The experiment involved giving a marshmallow to a young child with the promise of giving a second marshmallow if the child could wait 15 minutes. Follow-up studies over the next 40 years showed that the children who were able to wait to get the second marshmallow grew up to have better social skills, higher test scores, and a lower incidence of substance abuse. They were in better physical shape and handled stress better than those who did not wait.
The times when it seems like they are more independent and need you less are actually the times they need their parents more. Research shows we need to spend more time with them during the teenage years. Find something they enjoy and engage with them. It can be playing a video game, playing a sport, or even talking about a subject they find interesting. These years are important and matter. Make the most of the time you have with your kids.
If you are ready to start connecting better with your teenage son, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC, NCC Take a Break: Here’s Why and How Are you taking enough breaks? If the answer is “yes,”- great! Keep reading to make sure you are using those breaks wisely. If the answer is “no,”- read on to remind yourself why you deserve and may need time to recharge. Taking […]
By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC, NCC
Are you taking enough breaks? If the answer is “yes,”- great! Keep reading to make sure you are using those breaks wisely. If the answer is “no,”- read on to remind yourself why you deserve and may need time to recharge. Taking breaks is an essential part of mental health. Breaks allow our body and mind to keep going; the recharge we get from taking a step back lowers our stress and increases our overall health.
Life can be demanding, and the more we stay on the grind and don’t take the necessary time for rest, the more opportunity we create for increased stress and burnout. Not only does this affect our productivity, but it negatively impacts our self-care and mental and physical health. The need for breaks varies from person to person, and the type of break can change based on your needs. Sometimes we might be considering taking more little breaks throughout our day; other times, the need for longer breaks may be necessary. Maybe we need a mental health day, or maybe we need to take a few days off, or maybe just an hour here or there. Taking breaks can be a reset; they can increase our understanding of ourselves, allowing us to have a greater awareness of where and when we need to take breaks and what kind of break we really need.
Utilizing breaks to do things that bring comfort or relaxation is a great place to start. Try to avoid getting into another monotonous task and allow yourself space and time to recharge. Sometimes though, we are able to simply switch tasks, and that allows us enough room to feel less stressed. Changing your surroundings can also be a great way to take a break, sit outside or go somewhere new for something different. You may want to engage in an activity you enjoy or simply read or take a nap. On a nice day, maybe you want to sit outside, close your eyes, and think happy thoughts. Think of engaging in meditation or some light physical activity. The options are endless. The point is to listen to your body and mind, check in with yourself daily, and see what you may need for that day or week.
You are the only one who needs to give yourself permission to take a break. Remember that even a few minutes can do a lot to refresh and reboot our bodies and minds. If you feel that you need more time, plan ahead to make that a reality. Clear your schedule so that you only have to really be accountable to yourself, but don’t wait to give yourself a little break in the meantime. Taking breaks allows us to clear our minds, increase positive and healthy habits, promote wellness and relaxation, and reduce stress. If you need more reasons why you deserve a break, come see me for therapy! I would love to assist you in prioritizing your self-care needs and guiding you to a place of peace and happiness.
If you are ready to start taking breaks for your well-being, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!