Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch
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By: Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Being a parent can be one of the most exciting and rewarding jobs out there. Yet, it comes with its challenges. Parenting a teenager may bring even more struggles to the table. I am a mom of two middle school girls, and a therapist to teens and their parents by […]
Being a parent can be one of the most exciting and rewarding jobs out there. Yet, it comes with its challenges. Parenting a teenager may bring even more struggles to the table. I am a mom of two middle school girls, and a therapist to teens and their parents by trade. So, I get it.
As parents, we want to do the best job possible. We want our kids to be kind to others, have high self-esteem, succeed in school, be active, participate in extra-curricular activities, and the list goes on. It’s hard to keep up. So, maybe there are some things we can let go of. Below are my ideas on what those things could be. (I do believe these things are important, just maybe less important than healthy relationships and decreased conflict.)
#1. Choice of clothing or hairstyle. Teenagers are figuring themselves out. They want to be unique and express themselves. Sometimes they do this by choosing a style that is “a little out there,” or a hair color that makes us question their judgment. I say; as long as they are covering the parts that need covering, let them try things on for size. It’s not worth the battle.
#2. Checking Homework and Grades. I will admit to becoming obsessive about logging in and checking my kids’ grades at times. Obsessing, then nagging them is not helpful. I DO think we need to be aware of how our teens are doing in school. I also think we need to be there to help them. But, checking grades every day, and asking the same questions every day leads to conflict. Make a plan to check their grades weekly, or even better, mid-grading period. Then ask if they need help. Teenagers learn best through experience. Let them miss an assignment, and learn how it affects their grade. 
#3. Messy Rooms. OK, I am not saying we need to allow moldy towels to pile up or bugs to be crawling around. But, within reason, let your teenager be messy. Teens have a lot on their minds. Their minds are not fully developed. Being tidy and organized might not be a priority to them at the moment. It doesn’t mean they will grow up to be slobs.
#4. Being Cranky. As we all know, teenagers can be moody. They may give you the silent treatment, or answer you gruffly in the morning. Don’t take it personally. Hormones, social media, school stress, and even a pandemic may be on their minds. Be ready to listen when they are ready to talk, but don’t force it.
***Side Note: If you notice significant changes in mood, signs of depression & anxiety, or evidence of self-harm, please reach out to professionals.
If you are looking for support or help for your teenager, counseling may the answer. Family counseling, group and individual therapy for teens, or parental coaching are great options. Learning to let go of some things can be helpful, but difficult to implement on our own. Also, trained professionals best address mental health issues.
If you are ready to find help with parenting a teen, or find support for your teenager, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
Authored by: Jason Drake, a Licensed Clinical Worker-Supervisor (LCSW-S). Group therapy is a powerful counseling approach for both adults and teens. We have found and studies support our findings that group therapy for teens can be more impactful for teens. When teens take part in group therapy, it tends to be fertile ground for growth […]
Group therapy is a powerful counseling approach for both adults and teens. We have found and studies support our findings that group therapy for teens can be more impactful for teens.
When teens take part in group therapy, it tends to be fertile ground for growth and development. A teen therapist who specializes in teen counseling facilitates the group. This teen therapist provides the rules and structure of the group to ensure emotional and physical safety.
Once the structure is understood, the teen therapist who specializes in teen counseling, facilitates conversation and exploration of issue that teens may not have otherwise addressed. Below are three reasons how group therapy for teens can help your teen.
Teen depression has increased 59% since 2007. A survey from the American Psychological Association found that teens today report stress levels as high as those that adults report. When school is in, teens report higher stress levels than adults report.
Group therapy allows teens to meet with other teens who experience similar life situations. Often, teens feel like they are all alone battling their internal struggles. It’s not that others in their lives aren’t trying to help, but they simply may not be able to understand. Unless you yourself have experienced the internal struggles that the teen experiences, it can be hard to relate.
With group therapy, a teen can find such relief talking with other teens who are experiencing the same internal struggles. It can normalize what the teen is struggling with once they know they are not alone.
When teens can see that they are not alone, it seems to lift a weight from their shoulders. It also opens them up to feedback from those teens who are or have experienced what they are going through.
As a parent, you can provide the most significant piece of wisdom to help your teen. If your teen could follow that piece of wisdom it would probably help. But, since it’s coming from their parent, it may not carry the weight needed to get through to the teen.
A teen in group therapy who is or has experienced similar things to your teen can provide the same piece of wisdom. Now this piece of wisdom is accepted as amazing by the teen and they may now internalize the feedback. That is the power of group therapy for teens!
The above hypothetical example is one experience in one moment in time for the teen in group therapy. Now, imagine the power of your teen attending weekly group therapy for teens over the course of weeks or months.
The Hope That Can be Instilled Seeing Other Teens SucceedTeens find relief and hope in talking with other teens who are experiencing the same internal battles. Whether it be teen depression, anxiety, ADHD/ADD, trauma, etc., knowing that they are not alone provides comfort.
In group therapy, teens also get to see other teens who have experienced what they are experiencing. Yet, the other teen has overcome the struggle.
When teens are able to see other teens, who they can relate to succeed and overcome their struggles, the hope and motivation in the teen skyrockets.
Individual teen therapy and family therapy can take on a whole new meaning as they take part in group therapy for teens. When they know that there is a way, a path forward, often they tend to work harder.
Teens know they have the support of their peers in group therapy. They know they also have a specialist to guide them in teen therapy. Oftentimes, they view family therapy in a new light. And it all started with your teen working with other teens in group therapy.
If your teen is struggling with teen depression, anxiety, ADHD/ADD, trauma, PTSD or any other internal battle, start the healing journey today. Group therapy can be that missing link that can help your teen make meaning out of their internal battle. There is hope and a pathway forward. If you are ready to let the healing begin, you can follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages including: eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, women’s issues, treatment for anxiety, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, family therapy, men’s issues, trauma counseling, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Janelle Schlueter, MS, LPC, NCC, CCTP Happy New Year! It’s that time of year when most people are setting some goals. Are you setting a New Year’s Resolution for yourself? Or are you like many others in that you already set a resolution and failed (fell off the diet wagon on day three). One […]
Happy New Year! It’s that time of year when most people are setting some goals. Are you setting a New Year’s Resolution for yourself? Or are you like many others in that you already set a resolution and failed (fell off the diet wagon on day three). One thing is for sure, the pressure of a New Year’s Resolution is more intense than setting a goal any other time of year. Let’s talk about how to set a healthy New Year’s Resolution that will make it more likely to be successful. Ready? Get Set. Let’s Go!
Reduce the Pressure of Goals with One Word!Change the word from ‘resolution’ to ‘goal’. The word ‘resolution’ implies something absolute, concrete, all or nothing. There is no room for error or acknowledgement that there is work to achieve it. The word ‘goal’ implies that there are things we have to do to make this goal achievable. The goal is not going to achieve itself. New Year’s is just another day, you can set a goal on January 1st just the same as any other day!
Both people who work in business and therapists would agree that using SMART goals results in a higher rate of success. When setting a goal, keep SMART in mind:
Keep in mind the outcome you are looking for and use numbers to keep your goal specific. For instance, your goal may be to decrease the number of panic attacks you experience by 50% in 6 weeks.
Making your goal measurable you will know if you are on track throughout the process. For example, if you average 10 panic attacks per week, at the end of the 6 weeks you should be experiencing around 5 panic attacks or less per week.
Goals need to be achievable and realistic. Make sure you do not set yourself up for failure. Setting a goal of having 0 panic attacks in 2 weeks would be unrealistic and may put too much pressure on you. Therefore, setting you further back in treatment.
Is this goal something you really want to achieve or is it someone else’s goal for you? Do you have the emotional or physical energy to give to this goal and the activities that you will need to do? Is this the best time to work on this goal or should you wait until you are better prepared?
How long are you willing to work on this goal? How often are you willing on doing what needs to be done in order to achieve this goal? When is the due date for this goal?
Once you have made your goal SMART you can see it will be much easier to achieve!
Make Sure Your Goals Are Emotionally HealthyIn order to make sure your goals are emotionally healthy you must take time to ask yourself why you are setting these goals. If the answer is 100% for you and not for anyone else, it is probably healthy. Is setting the goal going to improve your quality of life, it is probably healthy.
If you follow the SMART goal method and are choosing goals that are for you and to benefit your quality of life, your goals are much more likely to be emotionally healthy. If you are unsure on what goals to set, how to set them, or feel that you may need to do to be better prepared emotionally before working on goals….
Counseling can help with many issues that you may find yourself struggling with, such as: anxiety, depression, lack of coping skills, communication issues, relationship struggles, history of trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder, sleep issues, addiction, and so much more. Seeing a counselor can help you identify areas that you would like to work on and set SMART goals with you.
As a counselor who specializes in trauma, I see a lot of clients who try to push away traumatic memories for so many years until they cannot function anymore. Don’t let that be you. If you are struggling emotionally, get help! You have one life, make it one where your mind is a safe place to be.
If you are ready to find help in identifying and working on SMART goals for your mental health, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Cheri Locke, MA, LPC, CCTP Sex. We are officially in 2021 and sex can still be a taboo topic. So let’s take a minute and talk about sex baby, let’s talk about…(Salt-N-Pepa anyone?) For many couples sex can be a source of great pleasure or great dissatisfaction. There are many factors that can play […]
Sex. We are officially in 2021 and sex can still be a taboo topic. So let’s take a minute and talk about sex baby, let’s talk about…(Salt-N-Pepa anyone?) For many couples sex can be a source of great pleasure or great dissatisfaction. There are many factors that can play a role for couples that experience displeasure in the “bedroom”. Firstly, if there are issues in your sexual relationship, rule out any medical issues. This article is not intended to help with any medical issues. Seek help from your medical provider if you believe any medical issues are present. This blog is intended to help you find ways to understand yourself a little better and hopefully spark a little fun or pleasure back into your sex life! You’re welcome.
Okay so this does not mean that you need to have sex daily. What is does mean is that you need to have a healthy understanding of what you and your partner’s level of needs are when it comes to sex. Couples that experience a strong sexual connection over a long period of time are friends (more about that later) that are able to make sex a priority in their life.
I often hear from couples in my practice that they are busy with life. They forget to make time for one another, whether it is dating, spending quality time, or having sex. An easy exercise to try is to schedule time for sex. Scheduling time for sex allows partners to take a break from life and remember their relationship. Sound unspontaneous? There are ways to make it more spontaneous. For example, you and your partner can fill a jar with “sex” ideas. On the scheduled day pull from the jar and have some fun. There are also many sex coupon books or cards that you can purchase to add mix things up.
When couples first come to see me I ask two questions, “do you feel emotionally connected” and “do you spend intentional time together.” Some couples may answer they feel emotionally connected, but the majority of couples respond they do not spend intentional time together. So what is being intentional? At the most basic level, it is responding to your partner’s needs while being wholly present.
For instance, many couples spend time watching television together. Are you together? Check. But, are you being intentional? My guess is probably not. So while there is not a one answer fits all, I encourage you and your partner to find time in your day, even if it is for 20 minutes, to be present with one another. Talk, hold hands, laugh, create memories. This will not only help create a stronger emotional connection, it will strengthen the friendship bond. In turn, this helps to create a stronger context in your relationship that promotes a healthy sexual relationship.
Red Light, Green Light, Yes To SexMany women enter into therapy explaining they love and desire their partner’s; however, it all adds up to a big zero when it comes to sex. Does this mean they have changed over time into a nonsexual being? My guess is no. What it does mean is there can be a variety of reasons sex has changed over the years. Firstly, the context of how you feel about the relationship or sex may have changed. Figuring out your emotional state in a relationship is very important to figuring out your sexual relationship.
Secondly, people have red lights and green lights to sex. Red lights are what prohibit a person from fully engaging in a sexual experience which can be an internal or external factor. For example, some women have issues with their body image that may prohibit them from being free during sex. This is considered a red light. A red light for men may be performance anxiety. When we are thinking about our bodies or our performance rather than focused on the pleasure of sex, we miss out and lose that connection. At times, we are not even aware of our red lights. However, when we can be fully present during sex, arousal and desire changes.
Furthermore, green lights are the “go” signal for sex. Many people learn about sex through their culture, experiences, and environment. Sex is a learned behavior and some of our first experiences can shape our entire sex life. Some people may be turned on by their partners putting the children to bed, while others are turned on by gently kisses on their neck. Whatever your “go” button(s) are, you need to understand yourself and direct your partner.
The answer is yes, if both partners are willing to assess the issues and make changes to the context of their relationship that are causing sexual difficulties. Both partners need to understand that rarely is the issue just about sex. There are often other components, either in the relationship or with an individual that is prohibiting a strong sexual connection. And, more often than not, I find that people are just not that aware of their needs, which often leaves their partners clueless as well.
If you are ready to improve your relationship and sex life, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couples counseling as well as counseling services to all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages including: eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, women’s issues, treatment for anxiety, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, family therapy, men’s issues, trauma counseling, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Denise Servin, M. Ed., LPC Associate Does your teen engage in self-harm? Teenagers are facing many difficult setbacks right now. Living though a pandemic has changed how they are educated. It has also affected the way they socialize. They do not get to see their friends as often as they are used to. Many […]
Does your teen engage in self-harm? Teenagers are facing many difficult setbacks right now. Living though a pandemic has changed how they are educated. It has also affected the way they socialize. They do not get to see their friends as often as they are used to. Many of them are dealing with loss. It may be the loss of a family member or friendship. There is also the loss of most chances to be social.
Depression can sometimes be a result of these experiences. Depression can lead to self-harm behaviors. But, what is self-harm? What does it look like? What are some of the warning signs you can look for? How do you give them support through it? It can be a very scary topic to deal with. It can also be uncomfortable to talk about.
What Is Self-Harm?Self-harm can be described as self-injury. Self-harm is the act of inflicting harm on oneself. But, the intention of self-harm is not to die. For example, you may see cutting, burning, hitting themselves, or even picking at the skin. Why do teens self-harm? The reasons can be different for everyone. But, the reasons and emotions behind self-harm are key to understanding the behavior. These core feelings must be addressed in order to help your teen heal. Healing is necessary to make these behaviors stop.
The reasons that teens engage in self-harm behaviors are not reasons that need to make sense to you. It is enough that they are real to your teen.
Communication is very important. Self-harm can be very scary to talk about. But, opening that door is one of the most supportive things you can do. When you ask you are showing that you care. Talking about it gives them the space to talk about their feelings. Also, it shows that you are not afraid to hear what they have to say. In some cases, teens fear opening up. They worry that might be punished for their feelings.
If you’re dealing with a teen who is self-harming, there is already enough punishment happening. They are already feeling guilt and shame. So, it’s best to avoid adding to those feelings. It’s important to ask open-ended questions and really listen to what they have to say. At this point, you may decide it’s time to seek help.
Therapy can be very effective for people who want to stop self-harm behaviors. Furthermore, therapy can help your teen address and process the feelings that led to these behaviors. Also, they can learn new coping skills to help deal with strong emotions. A therapist can also work with your teen to come up with a plan of safety. These resources can be used if the urge to self-harm comes up.
If you are ready to learn how to help your teen deal with self-harming behaviors, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC Have holiday stress this season? It may be the most wonderful time of the year, but no matter what you’re celebrating, holidays can be hectic! This year especially, it is important to be mindful of our stress levels so that we can enjoy all that this wonderful time has to […]
Have holiday stress this season? It may be the most wonderful time of the year, but no matter what you’re celebrating, holidays can be hectic! This year especially, it is important to be mindful of our stress levels so that we can enjoy all that this wonderful time has to offer.
Though things will be different this year, we can still find ways to have fun, spend time with family, and relax. Thankfully, because we know that the holidays are coming, we can plan ahead on how to manage any challenges that may come along so we can reduce any negative impact.
Before you get too overwhelmed, set your priorities and make sure you are doing the things most meaningful to you. For example, pick a few of your favorite activities and consider how to enjoy them in a way that is safe and as stress-free as possible. If you are having a hard time choosing between things, try including activities on a smaller scale and don’t forget you can ask for help!
The holidays are a time we usually spend with others, and while that may be limited this year, think of other ways you can practice togetherness. For example, try video calling over dinner or desserts, bake together over Zoom, send out holiday cards, or do a festive drive-by to see decorations! Be realistic in your expectations. We can still have a great time, but remember to not let the stress of doing too much or having unreasonably high goals interfere with your joy!
When times get a little crazy, remember to breathe. Be sure to schedule in some “me time” to practice self-care. For instance, maybe take a walk in nature, read a book, watch a holiday movie, or practice a meditation.
There may be moments during this season when things aren’t quite ideal, and it’s in those moments one should practice gratitude. Times can be challenging, but try and remember the positives. Think about what is going right in your life and things you are grateful for.
Sometimes we forget simple coping skills, but remember- it is okay to take ten minutes to yourself to release emotion and reduce any of that negative stress. Although the holiday season is often busy, don’t forget to also make time for therapy. Give yourself the space to process any stress or difficult emotions that may come up. The holidays are a wonderful time to focus on others, but don’t forget to make time for you! Take care of yourself. I wish you a happy and peaceful holiday season!
If you are ready to find relief from stress due to the holiday season, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer treatment for depression and anxiety for adults, teens, and kids. We also offer counseling services in other areas including anxiety treatment, trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, and family therapy. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Jessica Johns-Green, LPC Mindfulness has been gaining attention in the field of mental health for a couple decades now. If you’re investigating ways to treat anxiety, depression and other mental health struggles, mindfulness may be something you’ve come across. Building mindfulness skills is also helpful for obsessive compulsive disorder, self injurious behaviors and eating […]
Mindfulness has been gaining attention in the field of mental health for a couple decades now. If you’re investigating ways to treat anxiety, depression and other mental health struggles, mindfulness may be something you’ve come across. Building mindfulness skills is also helpful for obsessive compulsive disorder, self injurious behaviors and eating disorders. The idea of it might make you think of meditation or yoga, but you don’t have to spend hours in silence or start bulk buying incense to take advantage of the benefits of mindfulness.
What is Mindfulness?Mindfulness is an approach to ourselves where we aim to be aware and present in the moment with an open, accepting attitude. Our minds are typically full of thoughts – random and purposeful. Ones that we tend to focus on as important. Others that are there in the background. There are also waves of emotion – some that grab our attention and flood our experience. Others simmer in the background, affecting our bodies and behavior almost without us realizing. Being present in the moment – being mindful – is not a natural ability, but a skill we can learn. Building the skill of mindfulness takes short, but consistent practice in noticing emotions, thoughts, self talk and feelings in our bodies. Over time, we can learn to direct our attention, tolerate emotion and choose more effective responses to our situation.
How Mindfulness Can Improve Mental HealthWhen we get depression or struggle with anxiety, there is a felt sense that something in us is wired up wrong. That somehow our brains have become hijacked by this faulty wiring so that our negative self talk feels absolutely real, that we can’t survive a feeling of panic unless we escape, that we choose to do things even though those things don’t help in the long run. Much of the medications and therapies that treat anxiety, depression and other disorders are based on the idea that chemicals or structures in the brain are not doing their job the way they are supposed to. These treatments are about fixing the faulty ‘wiring’ so we can feel better again.
Research has been showing that we can also change the way our brains work with mindfulness https://observer.com/2017/06/neuroscience-mindfulness-brain-when-you-meditate-development/ . Although our brains are affected by our lives and genetics, our brain also has the ability to change with how we use it. Mindfulness is like a workout for your brain – a way of sort of strengthening certain areas as we use them. The parts that are involved in regulating emotion, storing memory and self awareness can all work together in healthier ways with the use of mindfulness. It is like re-wiring your brain to respond differently, allowing you to reduce fear responses and emotional pain.
A couple minutes a day is all you need to start practicing mindfulness. You can be anywhere, although beginners will do better with some quiet space and a comfortable place to sit.
A simple way to start is to use the STOP technique:
Slow down
Take a breath
Observe your body, thoughts and feelings
Process your possibilities, and proceed
An option is to use a timer to carve out your mindfulness time. Start with just a few minutes every day, and be ok if being mindful is tough. Our minds are busy places, and some days might feel tougher than others. Be patient and remember that your job isn’t to control your mind, but to observe.
Extra help is out there. There are mindfulness apps that aim to guide you through. Here is a list of mindfulness apps, rated and summarized https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/top-meditation-iphone-android-apps New York Times reviews of Headspace and Calm https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/reviews/best-meditation-apps/
There are also YouTube videos that guide you through mindfulness practice. Some of my 5 minute favorites are:
If you want to become more self-aware reach out for help. The counselors at the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch are trained in a range of treatment approaches, including mindfulness based therapies. We can help individuals and families dealing with stress, anxiety and depression. If you are ready to seek help, follow these steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages including: depression treatment, women’s issues, couples and marriage counseling, eating disorder treatment, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, men’s issues, trauma counseling, anxiety therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
Does your teenage son often seem overly emotional? Male teens have a difficult time managing their emotions. Parents often report their son’s react in an extreme manner when they fail an important quiz or are ghosted on social media. Like a snowball, these negative reactions to experiences at school, the sports field or relationships grow […]
Does your teenage son often seem overly emotional? Male teens have a difficult time managing their emotions. Parents often report their son’s react in an extreme manner when they fail an important quiz or are ghosted on social media. Like a snowball, these negative reactions to experiences at school, the sports field or relationships grow until there’s a real struggle with anxiety or depression. To understand why teens have these extreme emotions one has to understand the relationship between our emotions and our thoughts.
In a nutshell, the cognitive theory of emotions states that our emotional reactions are in large part influenced by the negative thoughts we entertain. Teenage boys need help identifying and reframing the negative thoughts that result in exaggerated emotional reactions. With the proper education and support, teenage boys become aware of the automatic negative thoughts that fill their mind and can utilize tools to help them manage their extreme emotions.
The ancient philosopher Epictetus once wrote, “it is not events that upset us, but our opinions about them.” Teen boys are not usually aware that their thoughts often get fused with their perception of external events. In others words, it is very common for teen boys to believe that their thoughts represent the world as it actually is.
When a teen gets a low score on an assignment or misses an important play, it is common that he’ll have a negative thought about his intelligence or ability. Maybe the teen will think something like, “I’m such an idiot”, or “I suck at sports!” If the teen conflates these thoughts with external reality, then it is likely he will start to feel terrible about himself. If he can recognize that his brain produces negative thoughts that do not reflect the way things really are, he can choose a healthier response to a negative experience. For example, instead of beating himself up for a low test score, he can remind himself that everyone makes mistakes and that he can do better next time.
Record negative thoughts It is easy for teen boys to get overwhelmed by their negative thoughts when these thoughts remain in their head. Writing down negative thoughts can be an effective strategy for two reasons.
First, writing down thoughts (or recording them on an iPhone) help teens identify patterns of negative thinking. After a few weeks of recording negative thoughts, a teen may realize that he keeps thinking that he’s unattractive, unintelligent or deficient in sports. Having a clear sense of the pattern of negative thoughts may help a teen understand why he’s been feeling so inferior to other guys around him. By correcting the negative thoughts, the teen has a greater chance of feeling better about himself.
Secondly, recording negative thoughts helps externalize the thoughts. Externalizing the thoughts gives the teen a better sense that while these thoughts are swirling around his mind, they are not necessarily true or reflective of reality.
Thoughts are like filters through which we view the world. Negative thoughts are like a cracked lens that distort how we view ourselves, other people and our environment. Teen boys need help recognizing that they are looking at the world through a distorted lens, not at the world as it really is. Therapists help teen boys create this distance from their thoughts by guiding them through various exercises. Here is a list of exercises that help teen boys create some distance from their thoughts:
Teens are prone to jump to the worst possible conclusion, usually with very little evidence to despair. In the world of therapy, this is known as catastrophizing. A relatively small mistake or social blunder gets blown out of proportion and interpreted as a catastrophe.
A teen likely imagines his girlfriend has moved on or found a better guy, if he sends a text and doesn’t receive a response. He goes down the rabbit hole and imagines that he’ll never date again. He then starts thinking that there is something fundamentally wrong with him!
One of the most effective ways to stop catastrophizing is to describe the situation in a calm, matter-of-fact way. Instead of interpreting the situation in a way that suggests personal offense (e.g., How could she not respond to me!”), try stating the facts in an impartial manner (e.g., She has not responded to this text in 30 minutes). Stating the facts in an objective manner helps the mind not jump to conclusions or rush to negative emotional associations.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help teenage boys manage their negative emotions. The main focus of using CBT is to help identify and address the distorted thoughts. These distorted thoughts often result in a negative self-image. Your therapist will help you set treatment goals. They will also teach you new ways to think about things that cause you to feel bad about yourself. Then they will teach you new behavioral skills to help you cope with these feelings in a more productive way. The therapists at the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch are trained in working with teenage boys and the mental health issues that may arise for this population.
There is nothing wrong with your teenage son. He is not too emotional. He simply hasn’t learned how to identify and manage the negative thoughts that are contributing to his anxiety or depression. Many teen guys find relief and build coping skills that can last a lifetime when they seek out professional help. Please do not hesitate to reach out today and call for help!
Contact us today to help your teen get started. The therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy for teenagers as well as other services for people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages including: women’s issues, men’s issues, treatment for anxiety, trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, couples counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, known as CBT, is becoming more widely used by counselors. Moreover, psychiatrists recommend it for a variety of mental health issues. These issues range from anxiety, depression, eating disorders, phobias, and substance use. CBT can also be helpful to people of most ages. Therapists can cater the treatment […]
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, known as CBT, is becoming more widely used by counselors. Moreover, psychiatrists recommend it for a variety of mental health issues. These issues range from anxiety, depression, eating disorders, phobias, and substance use. CBT can also be helpful to people of most ages. Therapists can cater the treatment to children, adults, and teens. So, if it can be used to assist with different issues and different populations, what exactly is CBT?
Helps identify negative thoughts and irrational ways of thinking. Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected. For example, a student may experience increased anxiety if they have the thought, “I am going to fail this test,” right before an exam. This can lead to trouble focusing or being overly distracted during the exam. This possibly may lead to poor performance. Negative thoughts can pop up at any time. We may be unaware of when it is happening until after the fact. However, we can learn to become aware of our thoughts.
In CBT, a trained counselor can assist individuals in becoming aware of negative thoughts. Next, the therapist can help the client challenge those thoughts and add in healthier ways of looking at certain situations. For example, “ I studied and prepared for this test, and am capable of doing well” is a new way of thinking about the exam from above.
Oftentimes, we rely on what we know or what we are used to cope. We may respond to our feelings and thoughts in ways that are not helpful. These unhealthy coping strategies may include:
In counseling, a therapist can help individuals recognize unhealthy behaviors. Unhealthy behaviors are ineffective and can possibly be harmful. CBT techniques can help people identify healthy coping skills. For example, individuals can learn and achieve healthy ways of dealing with feelings, negative thoughts, and stressful situations. Some healthy coping skills can include:
According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy works as effectively, or more effectively, as other forms of therapy and psychiatric medications (https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral).
Furthermore, CBT can be used to treat many mental health issues. Many studies have shown the effectiveness of CBT for anxiety, depression, eating disorders, relationship issues, self-harm, and substance abuse.
For instance, an individual can learn to identify negative ways of thinking and behaving. Then, can replace those patterns with new, healthier, and more positive thoughts and actions. This can help boost mood and decrease stress. CBT can be structured and short term, and useful for teens, adults, and children.
If you or a loved one are struggling, there is hope. The counselors at the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. We can help individuals and families dealing with stress and struggles. If you are ready to seek help, follow these steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages including: depression treatment, women’s issues, couples and marriage counseling, eating disorder treatment, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, men’s issues, trauma counseling, anxiety therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Janelle Schlueter, MS, LPC, CCTP Do you love someone that is experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, also known as PTSD? Relationships can often be hard to navigate. When you love someone that struggles with PTSD, “relationship issues” can often take on a whole new meaning. Three Tips On How To Help Your Loved One […]
Do you love someone that is experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, also known as PTSD? Relationships can often be hard to navigate. When you love someone that struggles with PTSD, “relationship issues” can often take on a whole new meaning.
One way to help your partner is to learn how PTSD impacts them. Although there are general criteria for PTSD, the symptoms that an individual experiences is very unique. If your loved one can identify their triggers and make you aware, then that is great. However, sometimes those suffering with PTSD are not aware of triggers or what they experience when triggered. When you help identify triggers or experiences, it not only makes you aware as well, but allows you both to communicate about issues that may arise. Asking questions can be very useful.
What are some specific triggers they can identify?
What do they experience physically and mentally when they are triggered? How could you recognize this as their loved one (would you see them shaking, rocking, excessively sweating…)?
How can you help them when they get triggered? Do they need medication, to breathe or practice a grounding technique or be left alone?
Is there something that would decrease their level of anxiety on a daily basis?
Effective CommunicationCommunication is important in any relationship. However, when you are in a relationship with someone diagnosed with PTSD, communication can be crucial. Extra consideration must be paid to tone, volume, and other unintentionally harmful ways of speaking which may be triggering.
It is also important that you choose an appropriate time to have a serious discussion. Let your partner know that you need to have a discussion and set a time that works for you both. It is best to wait until your loved one is not highly anxious or coping with a trigger before trying to accomplish serious concerns. Identifying when you or your partner are flooded and needing a break in communication is also helpful.
A person suffering from PTSD rarely feels safe. Most people can say they feel safe at home, but that is not always the case for someone with PTSD. For your loved one, it is important that they have a “safe” space. “Safe” means no physical danger, but it also means emotionally safe. Take time with your partner to identify where or what they need to feel safe. For example, some people can feel more safe as long as their backs are not to the door in a social setting. For others, they may need new locks or the room re-painted. Again, every individual experiencing PTSD is different and their needs will be unique to their trauma.
Furthermore, feeling “safe” is also creating some predictability or routines. When things are predictable, they are not as likely to cause an increase in stress.
When you love and care for someone with PTSD the stress can be overwhelming for you as well. A counselor can help you with identifying and implementing healthy boundaries, effective communication, and self-care strategies.
Sometimes loving someone with PTSD can be a struggle. There are support groups for those who love people with PTSD which may help in reassuring you that you are not alone.
Hopefully your loved one has seen or is currently seeing a counselor who specializes in PTSD. If not, encourage them to seek help as well. If the relationship between you and your loved one is struggling due to what you believe is a factor of PTSD, seek a couples counselor.
Above all, treat yourself and your loved one with love and respect.
If you are ready to learn how to help you or your loved one suffering from PTSD, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer treatment for trauma for adults, teens, and kids. We also offer counseling services in other areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!