What Is a Love Language?
Posted: June 14, 2024
By: Natasha Cooke, MS, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Most people have probably heard the term “love languages” by now. And if not, don’t fret; I’m here to break it down for you. As a couple and marriage counselor, I can tell you that knowing your partner’s love language is essential to a healthy relationship. Often, learning to speak each other’s love language can be a savior in a struggling relationship.
Why Do Love Languages Matter?
If we are showing our appreciation for our partner in our own love language rather than in theirs, while we may have the best intentions, our partner still may not feel loved. Expressing your affection in a love language that is not your partner’s is the same as speaking to them in a foreign language they don’t understand; you can be saying all the right things, but not be remotely close to getting your message across.
Steps to Learning Love Languages
You may be thinking that you already know what your love language is or even have an idea as to what love language your partner is. However, in my experience, I have found that it’s not uncommon for people to be under the wrong assumption as to what their love language is. As a relationship counselor myself, I suggest you begin your journey to understanding love languages by reading Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” book with your partner. After reading, I recommend taking the independent quizzes at the end of the book to find out what your love languages are.
However, I highly encourage couples to seek counseling in order to further their understanding of love languages and the implications they have on relationships. The book itself may not be enough to teach you how to learn to speak one another’s love language. However, it is a good start to understanding its significance. A marriage or relationship therapist such as a licensed professional counselor (LPC) or LPC Associate may be best equipped to help you and your partner in your journey towards building love, understanding, and acceptance in your relationship.
What Is a Love Language?
Love languages, as explained by Gary Chapman in his book, “The 5 Love Languages,” are the ways in which we feel loved by our partner and the way in which we show our love to one another. It’s important to note that the way we receive and give love can be different.What Are the Types of Love Languages?
Most experts agree that there are five love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, and acts of service. When couples walk into my office, it’s common for partners to speak different love languages than one another. People typically have one primary love language and sometimes a tied or close secondary love language (Gary Chapman). Problems in a marriage or relationship frequently include partners having different primary love languages than one another. For example, one partner may feel most loved by hearing words of affirmation, while the other partner may feel most loved by spending quality time together.Why Do Love Languages Matter?
If we are showing our appreciation for our partner in our own love language rather than in theirs, while we may have the best intentions, our partner still may not feel loved. Expressing your affection in a love language that is not your partner’s is the same as speaking to them in a foreign language they don’t understand; you can be saying all the right things, but not be remotely close to getting your message across.
Steps to Learning Love Languages
You may be thinking that you already know what your love language is or even have an idea as to what love language your partner is. However, in my experience, I have found that it’s not uncommon for people to be under the wrong assumption as to what their love language is. As a relationship counselor myself, I suggest you begin your journey to understanding love languages by reading Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” book with your partner. After reading, I recommend taking the independent quizzes at the end of the book to find out what your love languages are.
However, I highly encourage couples to seek counseling in order to further their understanding of love languages and the implications they have on relationships. The book itself may not be enough to teach you how to learn to speak one another’s love language. However, it is a good start to understanding its significance. A marriage or relationship therapist such as a licensed professional counselor (LPC) or LPC Associate may be best equipped to help you and your partner in your journey towards building love, understanding, and acceptance in your relationship.
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