Internal Boundaries: What Are They and How Can They Help?

By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC, NCC

Ever Heard of Internal Boundaries?

Many of us have heard of the word boundaries.  But many do not know about internal boundaries. Internal boundaries take it a step further.  First, let's define it.

Defining Internal Boundaries

Internal boundaries are boundaries that we set for ourselves. Think of these as choices we make. Choices about what we will accept or tolerate from others. Consider this as a way of protecting yourself. You can choose what you want or do not want to take in. They can also serve as a filter. They are a way for us to sort out our feelings and decide if and how we want to move forward. Many of our challenges regarding relationships or burnout can be resolved once we learn to build up stronger internal boundaries. It’s a way of setting limits and promises that help us better interact with ourselves. Furthermore, it can improve our well-being overall. While many of us are familiar with setting external boundaries, being able to say “no” is important regardless of if it’s to others or ourselves.

How Does Internal Boundaries Look in Action?

Internal Boundaries with Others

This might be as simple as saying no to an extra social outing one week or as difficult as having to take a step back from a friendship that isn’t serving you as well as it once was. Consider you have set a boundary with a friend about needing more quality time in your relationships. This friend might lean into this, or may not. If not, this leaves you with the choice to take a step back from that relationship if you feel it is causing more harm than good.

Internal Boundaries With What you Accept

Working on not taking in someone else’s mood or negative thinking is another way you can work on setting internal boundaries. Again, you can choose what you take in. Set limits for yourself on commitments you take on or activities you engage in. For example, don’t make plans if you are needing rest. Limit conversations with people or about things that make you uncomfortable. For instance, if someone is speaking on a subject you find difficult, you can politely change the subject. Though others have the right to express their opinion, you do not have to make yourself readily available to listen. Changing the subject or taking some space by leaving the area respects your boundary and protects your well-being. Don’t forget- we can respect our boundaries while still maintaining healthy relationships with others.

Internal Boundaries With Your Own Thoughts

Internal boundaries are also important in being able to challenge thoughts whether they are our own or someone else’s. With this, we can decide to interpret negative thinking as simply just thoughts. This allows us to question them and not take them as facts. It gives one the opportunity to come up with something more constructive or block the negative thought entirely.

Internal Boundaries With Self-Compassion

You can also learn to give yourself more compassion and grace. Negative thoughts can come from internal and external sources and leave us with difficult feelings. You can work on redirecting your mind and have self-compassion. In dealing with intense emotions, be sure you give yourself time to de-escalate before reacting. Allow yourself the space to acknowledge your feelings while controlling your reaction. With internal boundaries, we no longer have to wait for another person to change. By acknowledging and respecting these limits, we can change and work towards meeting our needs for ourselves. This puts the task on us to respect our boundaries. If we make a promise to ourselves, it is not on someone else to respect our boundary, but rather on us to be accountable. Oftentimes, we become resentful of the business in our lives or lack of commitment from others, but this is frequently because we have violated our own internal boundaries.

Summary

Be mindful not to overextend yourself and misplace blame. Take a look at what you can do to prevent burnout or resentment. By honoring your internal boundaries, you are taking steps to protect your well-being. Developing these boundaries can be empowering as we feel a greater ability to regulate emotions and thoughts, increase the ability to fulfill our own needs, and thus have more control of our life. For more tips on how to work on setting strong internal boundaries, as well as how to work on external boundaries, come see me for individual therapy. Together we can learn how to identify, set, and maintain boundaries to improve relationships and find greater peace and happiness.

Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!

If you are ready to learn more about internal boundaries, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide counseling and mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about internal boundaries.
2. Meet with one of our compassionate therapists.
3. Uncover ways to discover internal boundaries and how to set them.

Other Therapy Services We Offer:

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!