By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S

Why is My Kid Lying?

Many times children can be caught lying. They can do it for many different reasons. Sometimes they can try to hide something they did, help another person, or even for many reasons. Keep in mind, depending on your child's age, this can have a significant impact on why they are lying. The development of children's brains happens in stages according to their age. For example, see the chart below for each age range.

Stage One and Lying 

Stage one, this age is mainly focused on learning and gaining skills of basic needs like walking, talking, eating, etc. If a child is lying at this age, it could be because they do not understand. They are learning so much at this stage.

Stage Two and Lying

For stage two, children are centric and egocentric. This means that at this stage, they do not understand the world has many things that can impact a situation and other perspectives. They are learning how to understand from their eyes. Also, they tend to use symbols and images to understand problems. If they are lying in this stage, it could be that they do not know how that makes others feel, they are trying to get out of trouble (egocentric behaviors), or they could be looking for attention without understanding healthier ways to get it.

Stage Three and Lying

For stage three, here we start to see children see other perspectives. Furthermore, they begin to understand that items can remain the same but come in different packaging. For this, imagine pouring water from a tall, slender glass into a short wide glass. The water did not change in amount; it spread into different sizes/containers. In other words, they begin to utilize more mental operations, including increased problem-solving and thinking in a more abstract way. If children are lying in this stage, there could be many reasons. In the next section, we will discuss how to deal with lying.

Stage Four and Lying

In the final stage, children can use abstract thought, critical thinking, and reasoning skills more. Again, if a child is lying at this stage, there could be many reasons. Here there can be an opportunity to have a calm conversation about the why and address not only the why but the reasoning too.

When to Engage When a Child is Lying

When children lie, there could be many reasons why they are lying. But really, what parents do once a child is lying can also impact the frequency of lying. Sometimes children might need help understanding, but often giving the lying attention can be not helpful. Again, depending on the age and development of your child, this could be different for each child. For the younger kids (stages one and two), many times, explaining the basics as to why lying might not be the best way to go about what they need. If a parent sees an increase in the number of times the child is lying, try stating the reasoning and not giving additional attention. This can be true for the older stages too. Many times paying attention to the lying can be counterproductive. Parents should not engage in a power struggle during these stages (three and four). You, as the parent, have the authority to say, I know this is untrue, and I will not engage more on this topic. Furthermore, if we know the child has done something. For example, if you see a child take something from their sibling or peer, do not ask them did you do this? State facts like, I know you took the item, or I saw you.

Begin Therapy for Lying and Parenting in Katy, TX!

If you need more help with handling lying, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

• Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more information
• Meet with one of our compassionate therapists
• Find ways to thrive in your relationship with your child today!

Other Therapy Services We Offer: 

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men's issues, women's issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!