By: M. Katherine Lickteig, MA, LPC AssociateSupervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S

Nacho Parenting!

Blending a family can be very difficult. You might find yourself at odds with your new partner. You have your parenting style, and your new spouse has their parenting style. Couples who have struggled to find peace in their blended family home have stumbled upon a parenting style called “Nacho Parenting.”

What is Nacho Parenting?

The Nacho parenting style has the central tenant that since they are not your children, they are not your responsibility. This does not mean that the stepparent will not stop loving their stepchildren. You treat the children the same way that you would treat a friend’s child. No one would discipline their friend’s child.

Why is Nacho Parenting effective for stepparents?

Children go through the bonding process with their biological parents from the time of their birth. There is a history between your spouse and their child. It is a bond that a new person and the child do not share. Discipline without connection can be disastrous. Also, they are not your children, so they are not your responsibility. You have an unusual relationship that you cannot have with your children. You can be their friend or even a mentor. This relationship may develop and even be as important as being their parents.

Myths about Nacho style parenting:

 Myth 1:

You, Nacho, because it’s the easy way out. Wrong! Nacho-style parenting is anything but easy! Learning to respond and not react takes time and practice.

Myth 2:

This style of parenting will teach your partner a lesson. You don’t use this parenting style to dump everything on your partner to cause them more stress.You hand back the parenting responsibilities to lower stress and improve your relationship with the child. 

Myth 3:

You are hurting the kids by using this style of parenting.If you are doing the technique correctly, the kids will benefit also. Taking some of the stress out of the relationship allows you to build relationships with the children. You get the advantage of being a great role model, confidant, and friend to the children.

Myth 4:

Once you use this style of parenting, you must do this forever.This style of parenting is fluid. Over time some of the things you took a step back on, you will not have to Nacho anymore because you’ve learned how to better handle the situations through personal development. And there may be new things you do need to Nacho. People change, and circumstances change. I must say that I still chose this parenting style with my stepkids because it’s what’s best for my stress and our blend.

Myth 5:

If I Nacho, I have to Nacho everything!Fact: You do not have to Nacho everything. You, Nacho, the things that cause you stress. If you enjoy taking the stepkids to school and you are implementing the Nacho method, keep taking them to school. Don’t stop doing the things you want!

Myth 6:

Nachoing is ignoring!Fact: Nachoing is not ignoring. Instead, it’s not engaging in any negative interaction with the kids.

Myth 7:

If I Nacho, I would need to re-engage with the kids at some point.Fact: The goal of this parenting style is to lower your stress and re-engage with your spouse’s kids in a role that works best for your Family. There will still be situations in that you might not feel comfortable re-engaging.

Myth 8:

You can’t say anything to your stepkids, ever!Fact: Yes, the first rule of Nacho parenting is trying not to say anything negative to your spouses’ kids. If you are told to shut up, then you will ask them not to speak to you in that manner. It does not mean that you cannot express your boundaries. 

Myth 9:

Your partner will hate you for Nachoing.Fact: Your partner may not be too happy, to begin with. They will get used to this parenting style and may grow to appreciate it. It will allow your spouse to build their identity as a parent. It will allow for a more peaceful dynamic in the household.

Myth 10:

You can’t help your significant other with stuff related to their kids if you are Nachoing.Fact: You can always help your partner with anything you desire. The point of this style of parenting is that it is very fluid and will change as your relationships grow. 

If You Need Help With Parenting, Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!

If you are looking for parenting help, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

• Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about emotionally focused therapy
• Meet with one of our compassionate therapists
• Find ways to thrive in your relationship!

Other Therapy Services We Offer: 

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men's issues, women's issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!