Parenting With Consequences

Posted: October 27, 2024

By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC I truly cannot say it enough: Parenting is a hard job! Most parents want the best for their children. But that can be hard if children need help understanding or have difficulty following the rules. This blog is a continuation of our parenting series to help struggling parents. In the first section, we reviewed how to help motivate your kids with rewards. This portion will review when things do not go according to plan. Consequences can be beneficial in:

Setting Specific Limits
Creating Mutual Respect
Creating Consistency

Parenting with Consequences

What are consequences? Consequences are ways to show children what behaviors you are expecting. This also shows children that if they do not follow the rules, action will be taken to ensure their safety. A consequence is most effective if it is used after a behavior/action you do not want to see; that will deter them from wanting to do that action again. For example, like in school, if you do not turn in your homework, there is a consequence of a bad grade. Another example for smaller children is if a child plays with a toy rough, they could get hurt.

Consequences from Parents

Alright, now what are the consequences that work for your family? Again, as the parent, you get to customize the consequences that you feel fit your family's needs. It is imperative that you consider what you can realistically keep consistent. Some general guidelines for consequences:

Keep the Consequences Age-Appropriate
Keep the Consequence Something You Can Make Consistent
Do Not Make Food, Family Time, or Physical Contact the Consequence

To elaborate, for age-appropriateness, try to keep the length of time close to their age. For instance, if a child is five and needs time out, they go to time out for five minutes. The consequence has to have an end; otherwise, the child will learn to adapt without it, and the consequence will lose its effectiveness. And for keeping the consequences something the parent can stay consistent truly means that you can do it in most situations. As I said before, parents have limits, too. That's ok! Your human is showing. Some examples of consequences are:

Time Out
Lose Screen Time
Adding Extra Chores
Removing a Privilege
Delay of Reward

When Parents Use Consequences

Consequences are a great tool to have if we are looking to change a child's behavior. This is typically used when the behavior is detrimental to the child. For instance, if the child has disruptive behavior at school and/or home. Some things to consider when looking at a child's behavior. Is this behavior within what would be expected of a (fill in the blank age) child? Where is the child learning this behavior from? Why is the child acting like this? These questions will help a parent process their emotions, and help keep the consequences in balance with where the child is. Furthermore, it helps to understand where the child is coming from and if there is anything the parent can do outside of consequences to help model or show them healthy behavior. As a parent, sometimes it can be hard to remember that a child is a child. The parents are the ones to show them how to react when things get bumpy.

In Conclusion

Whew! Consequences can be challenging to do. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. But we can learn to change things to make things feel calmer at home. Call today to get help one-on-one setting up consequences for your family. In part 3, we look at how to connect and grow a meaningful relationship with your child.

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Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more information
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