Positive and Negative Self-Talk

By: Alexia Cabreras, Practicum Student Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S 

Do you have trouble with positive or negative self-talk? How we talk to ourselves, positively or negatively, plays a significant role in our lives. When we think of positive and negative self-talk, we think of the obvious, right? When we think of positive self-talk, we know this to be the cheery voice in our head, constantly looking toward the bright side of things. This voice makes you feel good about yourself and whatever other events in your life; I mean, who doesn't like that? Wouldn't it just be amazing if we could all experience constant positive self-talk? I mean, it would, but that's not realistic. Negative self-talk is very much present at any given moment. When we think of negative self-talk, we know this is the voice that puts a downer on anything, even the good things going on for us. Negative self-talk ultimately sucks because it makes it harder to see ourselves for all the good stuff we contribute to the world. 

How Does Negative Self-Talk Happen? 

Personalizing:

Before we can learn to practice self-talk, we must identify negative thinking. Negative thinking is broken down into four major categories, starting with personalizing. Personalizing refers to constantly blaming yourself for everything that happens, even things outside of your control. For example, if your partner had a bad day at work, they text you pretty dry with little to no emotion, and you take that personal. Though you know they had a bad day at work, you feel like the reason they dry texted you was because you did something wrong. It is difficult to feel like you did something wrong in that scenario because you know you had nothing to do with their bad day but still feel responsible.

Magnifying: 

When it comes to magnifying, this refers to focusing on negative aspects. In this case, you tend to ignore anything positive linked to whatever situation you face. You dive right into overanalyzing one particular thing, like actual magnifying glass. For example, it's finally the weekend, and you're done with work for the week. There are a couple of things you could do, but you choose to spend time with your family. Sounds great, right? It is great until you can't concentrate on the quality time spent with your loved ones because all you can think about is that bit of work you chose to put off until next week. Seeing things through a magnifying lens makes it hard to appreciate the things worth being grateful for, like family in this example. 

Catastrophizing: 

Catastrophizing means you expect the worse, and there's hardly anything that could potentially change that. Catastrophizing is most clearly seen when we are blowing things out of proportion. For example, you wake up craving some Starbucks, and as soon as you walk out the door, your drink happens to fall. Though it could have been a simple accident, now you assume the rest of your day will be as bad as your morning. It is so important to understand that we must put things into perspective and think with reason and logic when this happens. 

Polarizing: 

Last but not least, we understand polarizing as seeing the world in black and white or simply good and evil. We avoid any middle ground possible. For example, if you take a test and fail, you think of yourself as unprepared or not smart enough. Though there could have been multiple reasons you failed that test, you firmly believe there could only be one excuse and one excuse as to why that happened. 

How to Practice Positive Self-Talk:

Positive self-talk doesn't always come easy. It's a process, just like everything else. Talking to yourself with kindness requires hard work, and though it takes practice at times, it is ultimately crucial to our well-being. SO! There's a range of ways to practice positive self-talk! 

Counseling Can Help with Positive and Negative Self-Talk:

1. Avoid falling into negative self-talk traps (the ones we often give ourselves).
2. Treat yourself like you'd treat a friend or even a loved one.
3. Prioritize your self-care.
4. Reduce the negativity you surround yourself with.
5. Change your vocabulary. Replace those negative words with positive ones.
6. Treat yourself to some positive affirmations.

Begin Therapy and Improve your Self-Esteem and Mental Health in Katy, TX!

If you are ready to improve your mental health, your self-esteem, and confidence, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

• Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about emotionally focused therapy
• Meet with one of our compassionate therapists
• Find ways to thrive in your relationship!

Other Therapy Services We Offer: 

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men's issues, women's issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!