Positivity in Parenting
Posted: January 8, 2024
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC, CATP
What is Positive Reinforcement in Parenting?
Sometimes, as a parent, we can get wrapped up in things our children do wrong. Human behavior shows us this, too. Think of Yelp. How often do we remember to write a review when we had a good experience? But many times, we can recall a bad experience without breaking a sweat.
Again, everyone could answer this question differently, even in the parenting department. We often find ourselves commenting on every little mistake but forgetting to say good job for picking up after themselves or doing their homework.
Positive reinforcement is adding a reward when we see behaviors we want to see. For example, saying good job for completing your homework or thank you for completing a chore. The reinforcement does not need to be food or expensive. The reinforcement is an action or word(s) that can encourage the same behaviors.
If we think of how rules are at school or home, children are often told no throughout the day. And often, children are told what they are doing wrong repeatedly throughout the day. Yes, children need healthy boundaries at school and at home. Positive reinforcement is also necessary to help children develop positive self-esteem and increase healthy attachment.
When humans are told repeatedly how they have made a mistake or are wrong, it can impact the parent/child relationship. Not everything a child does is wrong. They do things right, too! Recognizing and stating what they did right will help them remember that they can do things right, even if they have big feelings.
Positive Reinforcement for Parenting for Elementary Kids
Okay, so how do you implement positive reinforcement for kids? Here, we want to say at least one thing they did right every day. I know this might sound simple. But it sometimes can be forgotten that kids are kids. They cannot always see past a parent's disappointment.
Some helpful suggestions surrounding what to say would be:
Positivity in Parenting
Parenting is hard! Many times, we might need to learn how to handle a situation best. Sometimes, we react first and then ask questions. Others might explode at times. Different parents parent differently. That is okay. In this blog, we will go over how to motivate your child with positive reinforcement versus excessive punishment.What is Positive Reinforcement in Parenting?
Sometimes, as a parent, we can get wrapped up in things our children do wrong. Human behavior shows us this, too. Think of Yelp. How often do we remember to write a review when we had a good experience? But many times, we can recall a bad experience without breaking a sweat.
Again, everyone could answer this question differently, even in the parenting department. We often find ourselves commenting on every little mistake but forgetting to say good job for picking up after themselves or doing their homework.
Positive reinforcement is adding a reward when we see behaviors we want to see. For example, saying good job for completing your homework or thank you for completing a chore. The reinforcement does not need to be food or expensive. The reinforcement is an action or word(s) that can encourage the same behaviors.
If we think of how rules are at school or home, children are often told no throughout the day. And often, children are told what they are doing wrong repeatedly throughout the day. Yes, children need healthy boundaries at school and at home. Positive reinforcement is also necessary to help children develop positive self-esteem and increase healthy attachment.
When humans are told repeatedly how they have made a mistake or are wrong, it can impact the parent/child relationship. Not everything a child does is wrong. They do things right, too! Recognizing and stating what they did right will help them remember that they can do things right, even if they have big feelings.
Positive Reinforcement for Parenting for Elementary Kids
Okay, so how do you implement positive reinforcement for kids? Here, we want to say at least one thing they did right every day. I know this might sound simple. But it sometimes can be forgotten that kids are kids. They cannot always see past a parent's disappointment.
Some helpful suggestions surrounding what to say would be:
- Thank you for helping.
- Great effort!
- I see you trying hard.
- You are amazing because (insert the action they did)
Positive Parenting for Teens
Parenting for teens looks different. They can understand much more than little kids. They also understand more about others and their perspectives. Saying something positive to a teen every day is crucial. Teens are, in some ways, like adults, but in many ways, they are not. Physically, teens are not fully developed in their prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain helps control planning, impulse control, thoughts, emotions, and actions. Not to mention, they are still human and can make errors. So, being held to an adult standard at a teen's development is not realistic. You can help develop motivation and healthy self-esteem by using positive reinforcement. Ways you can do this for a teen could be:- Repeating back (not word for word, but in a summary) what you heard. It helps teens show you are actively listening to them.
- Validate them! If they complain about homework or chores, say yep, it stinks sometimes. Nothing else. Not every moment needs to be a teaching moment. Sometimes, letting teens know we understand and that is it.
- Don't always jump to action. Sometimes, teens need time to figure things out for themselves. If you see them continually struggle with a specific thing, yes, please help them. But give them a chance to show off their skills.
- Show them compassion. The world, yes, can be difficult. Remember, home, including you, is intended to be the safe/soft place for them to land. They are learning.
In Conclusion
As a parent, it can be hard to remember that your child is not an adult. They do not honestly know how to control their emotions fully. Just like us adults don't always have our emotions in check, our children need a learning curve, too. They do not have the same level of experience that we do as adults. Holding them to the same standard might create more stress for you, the parent.Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!
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