Safe House: an Aid for Boundaries and Intimacy
Posted: August 18, 2023
By: Ally Hoffman, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Building Your Safe House Framework
When first mentioning the safe house, clients often think I am talking about the physical dwelling where we sleep at night. Oddly enough, we are speaking about something even closer to you – your physical, mental, and spiritual body (or home). While there are a few requirements for how the house may look, a couple of things are necessary to have in and around your house for the metaphor to work! For instance, on the interior of your home, you must have two floors, your bedroom must be upstairs, and a dresser (with drawers) must be in your bedroom. As for the home’s exterior, I advise that clients must have a front porch, a fence encompassing the entire property, a sidewalk outside of that fence, and a street for those passing by.
Moving from the outermost to the innermost part of the house, we have opportunities for boundaries at each entry point or doorway. At each of these metaphorical physical boundaries, clients can start being more specific with qualities and characteristics that others must possess to get further into their safe house. In other words, the closer they get to your underwear drawer, the more requirements they must meet. For example, it is unlikely that you would let someone off the sidewalk straight into your bedroom. Let alone have them take a peek at your underwear drawer! Right? By the same token, we do not often share the most intimate parts of ourselves with strangers right off the street. This tool gives us a more tangible understanding of how close people are to us and the varying degrees of information we share with these individuals within our support system.
Safe House: an Aid for Intimacy and Boundaries
In thinking about intimacy and boundaries, it becomes more apparent throughout time that privacy is very sincerely a privilege these days! So much of our information is available to the public through social media, and much of our lives are spent exchanging information digitally or otherwise. As a result, the lines between appropriate conversation, boundaries, and information sharing have been blurred. As a means to draw better distinctions and encourage more control over your environment, I typically encourage clients to follow along with the Safe House tool. It is a visual aid for developing boundaries and understanding intimacy.Building Your Safe House Framework
When first mentioning the safe house, clients often think I am talking about the physical dwelling where we sleep at night. Oddly enough, we are speaking about something even closer to you – your physical, mental, and spiritual body (or home). While there are a few requirements for how the house may look, a couple of things are necessary to have in and around your house for the metaphor to work! For instance, on the interior of your home, you must have two floors, your bedroom must be upstairs, and a dresser (with drawers) must be in your bedroom. As for the home’s exterior, I advise that clients must have a front porch, a fence encompassing the entire property, a sidewalk outside of that fence, and a street for those passing by.
Exploring Your Safe House
When guiding clients through this exercise, I have them close their eyes and visualize what the house looks like. To begin, we start upstairs. There you will find your bedroom with a dresser somewhere inside. Inside that dresser are all your intimates - experiences, thoughts, and feelings we keep closest to our chest. From there, we exit the bedroom and head out to the rest of the upstairs, where you can find other bedrooms, a game room, or whatever else you see fit. Now, we head downstairs, where you can find your kitchen, living room, and whatever else you'd like. Exiting through the front door, you will find a front porch and front yard encased by a picket fence. Outside that picket fence, you will find a sidewalk and your traditional street for driving.Working With Intimacy and Boundaries
Begin Counseling for Intimacy and Boundaries in Katy, TX!
Looking to learn more about intimacy and boundaries? One of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:- Contact our office to set up an appointment to learn more about intimacy
- Meet with one of our knowledgeable therapists
- Start putting your new tools into practice!