Title: How to Reignite a Dwindling Spark in Your Marriage
By: Natasha Cooke, MS, LPC Associate
Supervised by: Melissa Barton, MA, LPC Associate, LCDC, CCTP
No matter how hard we try, the spark just eventually dies out in a marriage, right? Wrong. Thriving marriages still feel the spark 5, 10, 20, or 30 years later. If your marriage is feeling more like a roommate or coparent situation, it’s time to reignite that flame.
Why Do Relationships Lose Their “Spark”
As a relationship counselor, I’ve heard numerous reasons why people believe the excitement in their marriage vanishes years after getting married (or sometimes a few months in). From careers to kids, household chores, finances, monotony, and simply believing “that is just what happens,” – people make excuses for why marriage because dull and seemingly lifeless. Well, if those are excuses, what’s the truth? In my experience as a couples therapist, the real reason why marriages begin to dull is often because partners stop prioritizing each other. So how do we fix it?
How to Reignite the Spark
Date Again!
If you must stop and think about when the last time was you and your spouse had an actual date night… it’s been too long. Couples lose their spark, because they stop dating one another. An ideal date night occurs when it’s just the two of you spending dedicated time to be together. Make it a priority to set aside time to go on dates with one another.
Couples need to try new things together, do activities they enjoy, get dressed up (or not), put their phones away, flirt again and put the entire focus on one another. Keep in mind that dates don’t always have to be dinner and a movie. Many of the couples I work with tell me that they are bored with the cliche dinner date night. If that’s the case, aim for experiences like going to a salsa class, a museum, thrifting, concerts, window shopping, a new coffee shop, a pumpkin patch or “inexpensive or free” dates such as a walk in a nice park together, playing sports or exercising together.
Increase Emotional Connection & Physical Intimacy
If the spark in your marriage has dwindled, it is likely that emotional and physical intimacy are significantly lacking. Emotional connection is about sharing more than the perfunctory habits of your day, finances, or the to-do list. When we share our emotions, laugh with one another, tell stories, and give our “hot takes” on current events with our partner, we connect on a deeper level.
Physical and sexual intimacy also tend to take a back seat in busy marriages. Prioritize “moments of touch” such as, longer kisses and hugs, hand holding, cuddling, touches across the face or through the hair, to make daily life feel more meaningful. Chances are, strengthening emotional connection will naturally lead to an increase in physical and sexual intimacy. Although, that’s not always the case. If intimacy is still lacking or even nonexistent, it’s time to have a conversation with your partner about expectations about sex and physical intimacy. If you are speaking up about your needs and feel it is going nowhere, it’s a good idea to see a couples counselor to help facilitate needed conversations.
See A Couples Counselor
Still need more help in reigniting the spark in your marriage? Working through relationship issues with a licensed counselor can help. Couples counselors teach fair fighting skills, tools for creating intimacy, help clients get to the root of issues, increase empathy between partners, and help bridge the gap between misunderstandings and communication. While it may feel uncomfortable to discuss relationship issues and intimacy concerns with a licensed professional, it is better than the alternative – living in an unhappy marriage. If you are curious about how a couples counselor can help, I encourage you to reach out and ask questions. You deserve to feel the love and passion in your marriage again.
Begin Therapy in Katy, TX
If you need more direction to help reignite the spark in your relationship, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more information about improving your relationship
Meet with one of our kind and caring relationship therapists
Find other ways to improve your relationship with the help of a knowledgeable therapist!
Other Therapy Services We Offer
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!