Understanding Boundaries

By: Katherine Lickteig, MA, LPC Associate
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S

What are Boundaries?

Understanding and Creating boundaries is one of the best ways to keep your emotional energy. In Relationships they allow people to learn when to say yes and when to say no to others and yourself. It can also help define the people and things you allow in your life. Most of all, they help you set a rule on how others can treat you.

The Invisible Line

A boundary is an invisible line a person can draw around themselves that will help to identify acceptable and unacceptable behavior. The beauty of this is that you can change and adapt to them. Some people love boundaries because they represent structure, order, and rules. Others see them as limits that are annoying or frustrating. They struggle to see that there can be no gray areas. They see things only in black and white. Psychological distress can result from overly rigid or overly loose limits. An essential part of mental health is deciding on the correct number of boundaries and understanding these for your own life and have a sense control. 

Understanding various forms of boundaries:

Physical boundaries define your personal space. 

They control the area around your body. It allows you to decide who can come into your personal space and who cannot. They help you decide what type of affection you are comfortable with. Do you like it a lot, or are you more reserved and like just a little? 

Mental boundaries apply to your thoughts. 

Do you have an open mind? Can you be flexible, or is everything black or white? People with weak mental boundaries tend to react in an overly emotional manner. They will often become defensive or rigid and may even become combative.

Emotional boundaries protect your feelings. 

It is ok to agree to disagree with a person. These help you recognize that you are not to blame for other people being upset. Guilt should not rule your life. You have a choice in every situation if you choose to exercise that right.

Financial boundaries dictate how money is spent. 

Money can be a struggle for a lot of people. Setting financial limits can help you decide how you will and will not handle money. These limits also determine how and what you choose to spend on material goods and experiences.

Moral boundaries help you to determine which actions align with your core values.

Some great examples are not accepting intolerant attitudes from others or refusing to put up with lying and cheating. These boundaries help to set what deserves moral consideration.

Sexual boundaries will help you understand your comfort level around physical touch, intimacy, or sexual behaviors.

These  help you decide what fits your comfort level when it comes to your sexual life. 

Spiritual boundaries help to define your religious beliefs or lack thereof.

These do not only pertain to God, another deity, or a supernatural being. These should be clear limits that govern our beliefs and how we put those beliefs into practice. 

Common reasons people lack boundaries:

Boundaries are difficult for most people. They are tough for people that were raised by parents who are overly harsh or overly permissive with discipline. Even for those who simply have a hard time understanding boundaries. Trauma in your childhood may also make you more willing to tolerate unhealthy behaviors from others. The good news is that you are now an adult with control over your life.

Common reasons people develop unhealthy boundaries:

1. You were not taught how to develop boundaries as a child. When parents do not respect your needs and want, you may internalize that your opinions are not important. 
2. You tend to be a people-pleaser. You never like to offend anyone or cannot say “no,” so you take on too much.
3. You were “parentified” as a child. This is when the role in your family was to take care of others needs, so your needs were always put on hold. You could never do anything for yourself because that would mean you were selfish.

Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!

If you are ready to learn how to implement boundaries, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide counseling and mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about boundaries.
2. Meet with one of our compassionate therapists.
3. Uncover ways to understand your personal boundaries.

Other Therapy Services We Offer:

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!