Unpacking Gentle Parenting
By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC-Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, LPC-S
Everywhere you go now, it seems everyone is talking about gentle parenting. But really, what is it? And is it right for you?
Defining Gentle Parenting
In psychology, we do not necessarily call healthy parenting styles gentle parenting. Check out this link for another blog on each parenting style and how it works. For an actual definition, gentle parenting is very similar to the authoritative parenting style. Both styles are based on talking with your child, explaining the situation, and keeping calm to demonstrate to your child how to stay calm in stressful situations.
Gentle Parenting Versus Authoritative Parenting
Some argue that gentle parenting and authoritative parenting are the same. And yes, they do have some similarities. Both require talking out situations with your child. For instance, if a child hits another child out of frustration or anger, the parent would not jump to react. Instead, they would talk with the child to discover healthier options for their emotions and actions. Some would argue the main difference is authoritative parenting requires positive and negative reinforcement to help implement healthy boundaries. To explain positive and negative reinforcement, think of this as a way to encourage a behavior. For example, if you give a reward for completing chores. Reinforcement can help motivate your child to make a change. It can depend on your child specifically to see which is best for you and your family. Some children do respond to talking things through. Others need more help with impulse control to help change their behavior. Neither child is “bad.” And neither parenting style is “wrong.”
The Importance of Talking Things Out
Finding the right balance for your family is necessary to find peace for you and your child. This is where talking it out is so important. Keep in mind that the language and logic must be age-appropriate, ensuring your child can interact in the conversation. Talking things out allows your child to understand and start to use critical thinking skills. Think back to when you were a child. Do you ever remember your parent saying, “because I said so?” Firstly, that can cause a power struggle. Power struggles can create a divide and tension in the parent/child relationship. Furthermore, saying because I said so does not give your child a chance to understand why we cannot do certain things. For instance, if they are trying to reach for something dangerous and we say no because I said so, children learn not because mom said no, not necessarily that it was dangerous. So, when mom is not there to say no, they do not necessarily think about safety. Keep in mind, as a parent, you are human. What I mean by that is sometimes we might not always say or do the “right’ thing. Parents even have moments where they do not feel like they handled things as they intended to because they may be tired or flooded with emotions. Going back and readdressing the situation and clarifying where we could have done things differently will teach your children how to recognize when they make mistakes and how to handle them better next time.
Summarizing
At the end of the day, authoritative parenting and gentle parenting are very similar. And honestly, not every home will function the same way. So, can you, as a parent, choose what works best for your home…absolutely! (Within reason) We can see in many studies that talking with your children to help them learn how to problem solve and manage their emotions are fundamental. If you lean more toward a particular parenting style, that is ok. But the main thing to remember is that your children are looking to you to see how to manage their emotions. Talking through how you stayed calm or worked towards a resolution helps create emotionally healthy kids. Call today to help find your healthy way of parenting.
Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!
If you are ready to learn more about parenting, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide counseling and mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
- Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about parenting.
- Meet with one of our compassionate therapists.
- Uncover ways to discover how to parent in your own healthy way.
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