What is Gentle Parenting

By: Margie Frisco, MA, LPC, CATP, CFTP

Gentle parenting is a term that has gained popularity in recent years.  But what is gentle parenting?It is a term that is frequently misused.  Realistically, anyone can define gentle parenting as they see fit, but effective parenting is what I believe most parents are truly seeking.

Gentle parenting typically consists of two core components: effective communication and clear boundaries.  Any form of healthy parenting involves healthy communication and clear boundaries.  This blog will explore the details of what healthy communication and healthy boundaries entail in parenting.

A man sitting with his son at a computer. Represents gentle parenting in Texas. Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch offers in person and virtual appointments.

Parenting with Communication

Communication is one of the keys to a healthy relationship.  But what does that mean? Let’s break this down more.  For healthy communication, a parent must listen effectively and speak directly, but kindly.  

Healthy listening means that the parent must actually listen.  Many times, humans will hear something and quickly think about solutions, feel defensive, and plan a rebuttal, think of their own experiences to relate to, or spin off onto a completely different topic.  When someone does this, it becomes tough to listen and think at the same time, so listening often takes a backseat.  

Parents practice listening by:

  • Staying focused on the topic
  • Practice gathering information
  • Remember that your child connects when they feel heard
  • Remember, you are showing your child how to listen in a conversation when you are talking

Healthy speaking means that parents must remember the developmental age your child is at and meet them there.  This means that if your child is developmentally at the age of 5, discussing complex emotions or more mature subjects might not be something they can process.

Parents practice speaking by:

  • Use a kind tone
  • Speak directly and clearly
  • Use words your child understands
  • Remember, you are showing your child how to speak properly

Communication skills in children will grow and develop depending on what they observe.  Children learn from others around them.  As children develop and grow, this does not mean that kids are all done learning how to be in a conversation.  Communication will change and develop as they do.  This is why it is so pivotal for parents to continue having conversations, even when their child is a teen or young adult.

Furthermore, children of all ages seek closeness and approval from their parents.  This is a primal drive that all humans look for.  Being a “gentle parent” means intentionally creating a space so that the child feels safe to talk with their parents.  Parents want their children to come to them when things get scary.  This means that parents must create a safe space when things are small to create a healthy pattern.

A mom putting on her son's shoes. Represents gentle parenting in Texas.

Parenting with Boundaries

Parenting with boundaries is another area where “gentle parenting” can sometimes get lost.  Gentle parenting does not mean that we become the kids’ friend.  Parents must still teach children when and where to stop.  In simple terms, that is all a boundary does.

Some core details about boundaries:

  • Clearly defined
  • Use words your child will understand
  • Make sure the complexity of the boundary matches their developmental age
  • Use an assertive (not angry, but not passive) tone
  • End the boundary with something the parent controls

For example, if you have a child who will not complete their homework or chores.  State calmly and directly, “You must have your homework/chore done by this time.  If not, there will be a consequence.”  Now, here is the most significant part of a boundary.  You must be consistent and follow through with what you say.  Children are good at recognizing patterns.  They can unintentionally learn that Mom/Dad is going to say something, but do not follow through and try to repeat that pattern. For more information about healthy consequences, check out the blogs below to learn more!

High School Kid (https://cincoranchcounseling.com/parenting-for-high-school-age/)

Middle School Kid (https://cincoranchcounseling.com/parenting-for-middle-school-age/)

Elementary School Kid (https://cincoranchcounseling.com/parenting-for-elementary-school-age/)

Conclusion

In conclusion, parenting is hard.  Gentle parenting can feel even harder.  Using healthy communication and healthy boundaries can help.  Call today to learn more about parenting with our Parenting Workshop.  Here, we provide more details for different age groups to help parent more effectively.  Check out this link!

Begin Therapy in Katy, TX!

If you are ready to start working on bettering your parenting skills, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide counseling for parents, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

  • Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more information about parenting.
  • Meet with one of our knowledgeable therapists.
  • Find ways to thrive through therapy today!

Other Therapy Services We Offer: 

Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

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