Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch
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By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC, NCC Oftentimes, our nonverbal communication is just as important as our verbal communication. Healthy communication is an essential part of a strong, supportive, and healthy relationship. Usually, when thinking about communication, we consider the actual words we use, whether spoken or written. Often, we forget just how much of our communication […]
Oftentimes, our nonverbal communication is just as important as our verbal communication. Healthy communication is an essential part of a strong, supportive, and healthy relationship. Usually, when thinking about communication, we consider the actual words we use, whether spoken or written. Often, we forget just how much of our communication is through means besides words- things like body language, facial expressions, tone, volume, gestures, and physical space. It is essential to consider these things as it often matters not what we say but how we say it.
When I talk to clients about communicating with those close to them, many say they struggle feeling heard or understood; sometimes, they might feel like they cannot truly get their point across. Many clients come to me to talk about communication regarding conflict or expressing feelings. These are things that are important to do healthily as one needs to be able to reach resolutions and assert themselves in a manner that is both respecting their needs and the needs of the other. We want to be sure our communication- both verbal and nonverbal- is healthy and constructive.
Be sure to consider how you may be coming across to the person you are speaking to; have open body language, a calm expression, and a welcoming tone. Suppose you are coming across as aggressive or dismissive in your nonverbal language. Even if the words you are saying are assertive, another person might put their guard up and pay more attention to your attitude rather than what you are trying to say. Things that can be an immediate turn-off are loud voices, condescending tones, harsh glares, eye-rolling, or turning your back to the person you are talking to. How you say things can have a tremendous impact on how those words are interpreted. The look we give others can convey a vast range of emotions so take note of how your gaze may be impacting the conversation.
In therapy, you can work on learning even more specific techniques to cater to your communication style. You can have the opportunity to process conflicts and feelings with a therapist and even roleplay how to express yourself in a way that can be received and interpreted correctly. Healthy and constructive communication are achievable; try implementing some positive changes for lasting impact.
If you are ready improve your communication skills, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer treatment for depression and anxiety for adults, teens, and kids. We also provide counseling services in other areas, including trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on various mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Would you like to know how to be more assertive? Do you struggle to say what you mean to others? Do you struggle to make decisions and find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no?” Maybe you find yourself putting your […]
Would you like to know how to be more assertive? Do you struggle to say what you mean to others? Do you struggle to make decisions and find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no?” Maybe you find yourself putting your needs and wants last to
avoid conflict, but later find yourself overwhelmed, resentful, and stressed. If you identify with any of these
examples, you may have a passive communication style that is not serving you in getting your needs met. This blog will look at five ways to increase your assertive communication skills and meet your needs!
An assertive communication style means that you are direct and respectful when you communicate with others. Your tone of voice is firm but not aggressive. You speak your needs clearly and maintain eye contact. You take the needs of yourself and others when speaking and expressing your needs.
For example, let’s say that your co-worker expects you to do her part of a team project at work. You find yourself saying yes to avoid conflict but end up missing time with your family and your spouse due to
picking up her slack after work. Later, you find yourself burned out, exhausted, missing your family, and feeling restful towards your co-worker.
Here you state your needs clearly and offer a team to help if your friend needs it. If you were to practice assertive communication, you could say, “unfortunately, I cannot take any more time on helping you with your part of the project. If you have any questions or need any help, we could set up a team meeting to discuss it together.”
When you have a specific request from others, break down what you want to say first. You can brainstorm your needs and then state your needs or desires out loud. You can role-play with your therapist or friend and ask for feedback.
This style of communication will help you sound less accusatory and more respectful. For example, you can say, “I would like your help with this project,” instead of “you need to do this.”
If you find yourself saying yes to requests and then blaming yourself or canceling plans after agreeing when you did not want to, you may need to practice saying no. Some ways to say no can be “no, I cannot do that right now,” or “no, I have another commitment.” No need to apologize or give a detailed explanation.
Keep it brief and to the point. Remember why you are declining in the first place. If you are at capacity
with engagements, you are doing yourself a service to not take any more things on. Or, if you want to be polite, you can offer a different activity or different time. If you do not want to spend time with this person or people, reconsider your relationship.
Assertive communication is not only about how you communicate with others, but it is also about how you receive the messages that are communicated to you. Active listening is listening without interruption, listening for the meaning behind another person’s message. After you hear the news, summarize and paraphrase the message back to ensure a clear understanding.
Practice your assertive skills in situations that require you to take small risks first—maybe letting a barista know if your order was wrong or ask your friend not to call you after 9 PM. Later, once you start to build your confidence, you can challenge yourself to speak up more at work or ask your boss for a raise.
Remember that learning assertive communication takes time. Just as with any social skill, the more you practice, the better and more natural you will become.
If you would like to talk more about improving your communication skills, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help!
We provide couple’s counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin
couples counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!