Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch
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By: Janelle Schlueter, MS, LPC, NCC, CCTP It’s a word we hear all the time. From family, friends, strangers and even ourselves. “Should” is such a common word so why would I say it’s the new curse word? Some of the many things I am passionate about as a therapist are issues that impact our self-esteem. […]
It’s a word we hear all the time. From family, friends, strangers and even ourselves. “Should” is such a common word so why would I say it’s the new curse word? Some of the many things I am passionate about as a therapist are issues that impact our self-esteem. Read on to see why a word so simple can have such a negative impact on how you view yourself.
If someone says “you should read this book”, it sounds innocent enough, right? Actually, it’s pretty harmful. This person is assuming that they know you will like the book or benefit from it when they do not know for sure. They are assuming they have more insight into your life, schedule, wants, likes, and interests than you do. That’s crazy! Who knows what’s best for you more than you?!
If someone says “you should break up with your partner”, it may sound like they are being helpful in giving advice but, it’s not. The way people tend to interpret a comment like that is that not only does this person think they know what’s best for us more than we do for ourselves but it implies there is a clear right and clear wrong way to do things. Is it possible that this scenario is not black and white but actually has some grey area, too? Absolutely!
Judgement and criticismDo you like the idea of being judged and criticized for your decisions? I didn’t think so! When people judge and criticize, it often comes out in a “should” statement. I’m sure you’ve probably been told “you shouldn’t do that” or “you should have done this”. When you heard that, how did you feel about yourself? Not good, right? You likely felt guilty, ashamed or like you did something wrong. The question I ask my clients is: is there really a golden rule that you were not following or was it someone’s set of standards or rules unique to them? You will find there are few times where there is an understood right and wrong (think laws).
Lastly, but most importantly, be mindful of how often you say “should” to yourself. We are all guilty of judging and criticizing ourselves harder than others ever could. One of the dangers of negative self-talk is that we don’t say things aloud so we don’t always recognize that we are saying anything. “I should do this”, “I should not have done that”, “I should be this” are examples of self-talk that are based on judgment, criticism, and the assumption of a clear right and wrong. Is that helpful? No. Not at all.
We can try to rephrase things to eliminate judgment and the assumption of right and wrong. Rather than saying “you should read this book” try and say “you might enjoy this book”. Don’t those sound much nicer?!
To make sure you are communicating as healthy as possible to others as well as yourself, try viewing “should” as a buzzword. My clients are often hearing me make a small buzzer noise when they say “should”. It doesn’t take long before they stop using “should” and significantly reduce judgment, criticism and assumption from others as well as themselves!
Go To Counseling To Help With Self-Esteem!Counseling can help with many issues that you may find yourself struggling with, such as: anxiety, depression, lack of coping skills, communication issues, relationship struggles, history of trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder, sleep issues, addiction, and so much more. Seeing a counselor can help you identify areas that you would like to work on such as self-esteem talked about in this blog.
If you are ready to find help for your mental health struggles, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Other Therapy Services We Offer
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC Healthy boundaries are an essential part of keeping good mental health. So how do we ensure we are establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries? Well, setting boundaries is not just about setting limits with those in our lives, but also prioritizing your relationship with yourself. We have to remember our worth […]
Healthy boundaries are an essential part of keeping good mental health. So how do we ensure we are establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries? Well, setting boundaries is not just about setting limits with those in our lives, but also prioritizing your relationship with yourself. We have to remember our worth and our values.
Now more than ever, lines are blurred when it comes to work/life balance and relationships. It is important that we remember to build our personal and emotional space in a way that is healthy for us. Being aware and setting boundaries provides clarity around what is good for us, what feels comfortable, and what is healthy for our life. It can help us regain some sense of control- something that right now many feel they have lost.
There are many things we can do to reevaluate our boundaries right now! Notice the people, places, and things that tend to drain you. Is there any room or way for change in these areas? Inspect different parts of your life and self, such as physical, mental, and emotional health, work, social, and home life, and self-care. Check for any holes that may leave room for improvement. Make it a habit to notice your personal limits; when we overdo it, we risk burnout and resentment.
It is okay to say “no” and communicating with clarity and assertiveness are skills that can be learned in therapy. Setting boundaries can sometimes be hard and even uncomfortable, but allow yourself the opportunity so that you are not denying yourself happiness and self-growth. Remember to seek support if you feel overwhelmed through talking to someone like a therapist or friend and utilize coping skills and relaxation techniques.
Maybe you’re the kind of person that puts others before yourself- while that is a caring and worthy trait, it can mean you struggle to know your own worth and may have difficulty setting boundaries. Take some time to consider what is important to you. Evaluate what your values are and how you can implement them into your life. Remember that boundaries are not set in stone; they are flexible and can change when you need them to as life evolves. Check in with yourself frequently and remember sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first.
If you are ready to find out how to establish healthy boundaries, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in other areas including trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
Marriage is a beautiful thing and there is nothing more amazing than the love and bond you share with your partner. What happens though when life happens and you start to feel less connected with your spouse? Connection in Marriage Should Be Natural…Right? Let’s face it…we have all said it. I’m tired or I’m busy. […]
Marriage is a beautiful thing and there is nothing more amazing than the love and bond you share with your partner. What happens though when life happens and you start to feel less connected with your spouse?
Connection in Marriage Should Be Natural…Right?Let’s face it…we have all said it. I’m tired or I’m busy. The kids have this thing or that thing and then before we know it the day is over. We go to sleep, wake up and repeat. I see many couples that say “I feel like we are on autopilot.” So how do you go to work, take care of the home and kids, take care of yourself, oh and keep a strong connection in your relationship?
“A strong relationship requires choosing to be intentional in showing your partner that you love them everyday.”
This is one of the most important things that I have couples incorporate during their time in therapy. And, hopefully they continue! Spending even just 20 minutes a day focused on each other can help you feel more connected. Many people think that if you are together while accomplishing “tasks” then you are at least together. The reality is that while that is okay- it does not equate into keeping a strong bond. Keep it simple, but schedule the time so that it becomes a part of your life rather than a moment forgotten.
Couples that are connected and feel that they have a strong bond feel more satisfied and happy. So how do you accomplish that when busy lives prevail? Go on a date. Many couples quit dating after marriage and after time begin to feel like their marriage is put on the back burner compared to other things in their life. The reality is couples should continue to date throughout their lifetime. Yes, how often and where you go will change, but only dating for special occasions will not keep the bond strong. Try to schedule a date once a week (with intention) and if that is difficult due to work or kids, then at least try for every other week.
Do you enjoy saying I love you to your partner? Well, I hope the answer is yes, but I often hear from couples that sometimes it just feels “routine” or “monotonous.” Change it up a bit! You can easily send a love text, leave a little note on a coffee mug or mirror to say I love you. The little extra always feels special. As part of therapy, I have couples write “I love you because…” notes to remind them why they chose their partner and to inject positivity. A little love note is always a nice reminder to your partner that you care and they matter to you.
Have FunIn a world where people lead extremely busy lives, let loose and have some fun with your partner. Many couples get caught up in the “business” of taking care of the home, the kids, the bills, the…where does the list end. While all of those things need to be attended to, it does not mean that is all there is to life. So what is fun to you? Start inviting your partner to share in the fun- it helps create more connected moments between the two of you. Plus laughter is good for the soul!
If you are ready to strengthen the bond with your partner, the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couples counseling services as well as cater to specific needs for men and women in relationships. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages including: women’s issues, treatment for anxiety, trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, family therapy, men’s issues, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!