Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch
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By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S What are boundaries, and why do we need them? Boundaries are expectation or rules that we set for ourselves that tells the other person our limit of space or activity. Boundaries show others who you are, your needs, and what you will and […]
What are boundaries, and why do we need them? Boundaries are expectation or rules that we set for ourselves that tells
the other person our limit of space or activity. Boundaries show others who you are, your needs, and what you will and will not accept from others. Sometimes if we do not have personal boundaries, we find it hard to respect boundaries that others set. It can be a challenge to appreciate something we do not honor ourselves, so identifying your boundaries is the first step. Boundaries are healthy for relationships because they establish clear expectations, allow each partner to meet their needs, and create open communication.
Evaluate how you feel within your relationship. Do you need more time to yourself? Are you feeling a lack of social connection with your friends and need some time with them? Do you need more respect from your partner? Do you crave more understanding or more intimacy from your partner?
Write down a list of your needs and expectation and where you want to set a limit. If you are giving too much of your time to your partner, how can you create more balance?
Look at your emotional, mental, and physical health trajectory if your needs go unmet. Not setting boundaries and neglecting your needs will ultimately lead to relationship burnout and can fuel negative cycles of interaction with your partner.
Communicate your boundaries in a non-threatening way. For example, if your need is that you want your partner to be more present and you notice your partner is on the phone when you try to have a conversation, you can say:
“I feel heard and valued when you listen to me without any distractions” or “I feel respected when I can finish my point without interruption” instead of “s
top picking up your phone when I’m talking, or I’ll stop talking to you.”
Remember that sometimes when you start to state your needs, wants, or limits to others, especially if you have difficulty doing so or rarely set boundaries, it may trigger deep-seated feelings of guilt, shame, or selfishness. It is essential to consider the origin of these negative core beliefs. Keep in mind that feeling this way does not mean that you should not set boundaries with others. You can process these feelings by placing limitations on your partner. Being vulnerable and sharing these feelings can help your partner understand you and enrich the bond you have together.
If you have not had boundaries with your partner before, it may be a challenge for them initially to accept your limits. They may want more than you are comfortable giving, overstep, challenge why you have a specific boundary, judge or criticize them, or question if they are realistic. When this happens, consider your values around your limits. Ask your partner about any fears about this change and reassure and soothe these fears together. Communicate to your partner using the “gentle startup” (I feel…about what…I need…) of how you feel when your boundaries are not respected. Share with your partner that identifying, honoring, and expressing your needs can help you from disconnection.
Need Help Setting Boundaries? Don’t Know Where to start? If you are ready to improve your relationship, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couples counseling as well as other services. To begin couples counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Margie Frisco, MA Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Middle School can be challenging for the parents and the kids. Kids are trying to adjust to a new school with new people. Parents are trying to change to what can feel like a new kid. The transition to middle school will be one of […]
By: Margie Frisco, MA
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
Middle School can be challenging for the parents and the kids. Kids are trying to adjust to a new school with new people. Parents are trying to change to what can feel like a new kid. The transition to middle school will be one of the most complicated transitions children will experience. Different resources to help them adjust are available to help you.
Involvement is not just at home or school. There are many ways a parent can help their middle schooler. For instance, studies have shown that middle school kids do better with parent involvement. Parent involvement is most effective both at home as well as in school.
As your child grows, what they need from a parent changes. For example, a young child might need help changing or preparing their sandwich. A middle school kid might not need help with those things. But they might still need help at home with managing their time.
Lots of middle school kids have difficulty adjusting to managing chores, grades, and doing things they want to do. Helping your child figure out what works best for them is one way to help.
Another way parents can help at home is to be prepared for a change in their child. Many parents describe their middle school kids changing into a teenager overnight. Being ready for the change in attitude and behavior can be helpful for the parent.
Lastly, it is ok to need help. If further assistance is required, group counseling might be an option. Group therapy allows middle schoolers to share their feelings, feel validated by their peers, and learn by seeing others’ social interactions. In group therapy, the Center provides a space. We talk about healthy communication, ways to regulate their emotions, learning to celebrate small victories, and self-care.
A significant change in middle school is the school work. Not only do they now have more teachers, but they have to go to multiple classrooms, the schoolwork gets more complicated, and they become painfully aware that multitasking is mandatory. Keep in mind the parent involvement will change too.
Since your kid is getting older, they can be more responsible for their school work. They will still need help adjusting to taking on more responsibility. Middle schoolers can learn from watching you. They are watching how you react when you get discouraging news from work or when you have to work together with family members/co-workers. Setting an example of working effectively can genuinely influence your middle schooler.
Is your middle schooler understanding and developing academically? Are they struggling in one subject? Then take that information and find resources that help your middle schooler directly—also, getting to know where your middle schooler is developmentally helpful.
Even if they are acing all of their classes, are they involved in their school? Studies have shown that kids involved in after-school activities tend to adjust better in middle school. After-school activities can be anything, ranging from athletics, clubs, dance, or anything that interests your child.
If you would like more help with parenting strategies for raising a middle schooler, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! To begin counseling in Katy, Texas, follow these three steps:
1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or get more information on parenting.
2. Meet with one of our understanding therapists.
3. Find other ways to help your middle schooler with therapy today!
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC, NCC Oftentimes, our nonverbal communication is just as important as our verbal communication. Healthy communication is an essential part of a strong, supportive, and healthy relationship. Usually, when thinking about communication, we consider the actual words we use, whether spoken or written. Often, we forget just how much of our communication […]
Oftentimes, our nonverbal communication is just as important as our verbal communication. Healthy communication is an essential part of a strong, supportive, and healthy relationship. Usually, when thinking about communication, we consider the actual words we use, whether spoken or written. Often, we forget just how much of our communication is through means besides words- things like body language, facial expressions, tone, volume, gestures, and physical space. It is essential to consider these things as it often matters not what we say but how we say it.
When I talk to clients about communicating with those close to them, many say they struggle feeling heard or understood; sometimes, they might feel like they cannot truly get their point across. Many clients come to me to talk about communication regarding conflict or expressing feelings. These are things that are important to do healthily as one needs to be able to reach resolutions and assert themselves in a manner that is both respecting their needs and the needs of the other. We want to be sure our communication- both verbal and nonverbal- is healthy and constructive.
Be sure to consider how you may be coming across to the person you are speaking to; have open body language, a calm expression, and a welcoming tone. Suppose you are coming across as aggressive or dismissive in your nonverbal language. Even if the words you are saying are assertive, another person might put their guard up and pay more attention to your attitude rather than what you are trying to say. Things that can be an immediate turn-off are loud voices, condescending tones, harsh glares, eye-rolling, or turning your back to the person you are talking to. How you say things can have a tremendous impact on how those words are interpreted. The look we give others can convey a vast range of emotions so take note of how your gaze may be impacting the conversation.
In therapy, you can work on learning even more specific techniques to cater to your communication style. You can have the opportunity to process conflicts and feelings with a therapist and even roleplay how to express yourself in a way that can be received and interpreted correctly. Healthy and constructive communication are achievable; try implementing some positive changes for lasting impact.
If you are ready improve your communication skills, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer treatment for depression and anxiety for adults, teens, and kids. We also provide counseling services in other areas, including trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on various mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Margie Frisco, MA Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S If you have a child in Middle School, a therapy group can be an impactful way for your child to learn various skills. For instance, do you remember what it was like to be a middle schooler? It was the time in most of our […]
By: Margie Frisco, MA
Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S
If you have a child in Middle School, a therapy group can be an impactful way for your child to learn various skills. For instance, do you remember what it was like to be a middle schooler? It was the time in most of our lives that our friend’s opinions and behaviors began to influence us the most. We start to transition to connect more with our peers. The transition from fifth grade to middle school is one of the kids’ most challenging transitions.
If we can make it a little easier, it can make the parents’ lives easier. Group therapy can be a way to help. It gives our kids a space to feel and express their emotions with their peers. Expression at the Center is encouraged in a room that does not feel like school. Therefore, expressoin is inspired by acting out situations, drawing/coloring, talking, and playing games. Below is a list of common topics discussed within the Middle School therapy group.
Undoubtedly, healthy communication skills are imperative. Furthermore, some forms of communication are better and more beneficial than others. For example, you cannot communicate effectively with another person while feeling outraged. Moreover, we would practice different ways to display depending on the situation. This week we will review various forms of communication.
It is a natural event for individuals to have random thoughts. How many times have we thought we knew what others were thinking? For instance, what if you caught someone looking at you. Could they just be looking in your direction? Or could they be thinking something nice about you? The reality is we genuinely do not know what others are thinking. It can be easier to assume we know what they are thinking.
Everyone experiences stress. We begin by noticing how anxiety manifests for each person to address it. For some individuals, anxiety can display in the body as headaches, stomach aches, or body pains. Keep in mind some individuals are better at managing their symptoms than others.
It is essential to discover where the pressure starts when trying to understand anxiety. Understanding the increase, why it occurs, and recognizing it allows us to address it before it becomes overwhelming. Identifying the lowest form of tension in the body can help pinpoint pressure.
Recognizing emotions can benefit middle schoolers by teaching them to identify the feeling, ask if they are unsure, and react appropriately. Emotions can look different for each person. For instance, some people cry when they are sad. Others might become very quiet when low. Neither action is “wrong,” but noticing that both individuals are unhappy can be helpful.
Emotion regulation means being able to help bring heightened emotions back down to an average level. This can be done by adding healthy coping skills. We focus on helping you recognize your feelings, learn to calm down, and return to a regulated place.
Coping skills can help make an overwhelming feeling more manageable. Keep in mind there are healthy and unhealthy coping skills. To differentiate, healthy versus unhealthy coping skills are covered during this week. Furthermore, how and when to implement the skills.
The relationship does not have to be just romantic. Identifying the impact of relationships can help recognize healthy and beneficial friendships to keep. This week, we look at the closest relationships in our lives and recognize abusive tendencies within a relationship.
If you would like to talk more about Middle School Group therapy, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help!
We provide couple’s counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin
couples counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Other Therapy Services We Offer:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Would you like to know how to be more assertive? Do you struggle to say what you mean to others? Do you struggle to make decisions and find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no?” Maybe you find yourself putting your […]
Would you like to know how to be more assertive? Do you struggle to say what you mean to others? Do you struggle to make decisions and find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no?” Maybe you find yourself putting your needs and wants last to
avoid conflict, but later find yourself overwhelmed, resentful, and stressed. If you identify with any of these
examples, you may have a passive communication style that is not serving you in getting your needs met. This blog will look at five ways to increase your assertive communication skills and meet your needs!
An assertive communication style means that you are direct and respectful when you communicate with others. Your tone of voice is firm but not aggressive. You speak your needs clearly and maintain eye contact. You take the needs of yourself and others when speaking and expressing your needs.
For example, let’s say that your co-worker expects you to do her part of a team project at work. You find yourself saying yes to avoid conflict but end up missing time with your family and your spouse due to
picking up her slack after work. Later, you find yourself burned out, exhausted, missing your family, and feeling restful towards your co-worker.
Here you state your needs clearly and offer a team to help if your friend needs it. If you were to practice assertive communication, you could say, “unfortunately, I cannot take any more time on helping you with your part of the project. If you have any questions or need any help, we could set up a team meeting to discuss it together.”
When you have a specific request from others, break down what you want to say first. You can brainstorm your needs and then state your needs or desires out loud. You can role-play with your therapist or friend and ask for feedback.
This style of communication will help you sound less accusatory and more respectful. For example, you can say, “I would like your help with this project,” instead of “you need to do this.”
If you find yourself saying yes to requests and then blaming yourself or canceling plans after agreeing when you did not want to, you may need to practice saying no. Some ways to say no can be “no, I cannot do that right now,” or “no, I have another commitment.” No need to apologize or give a detailed explanation.
Keep it brief and to the point. Remember why you are declining in the first place. If you are at capacity
with engagements, you are doing yourself a service to not take any more things on. Or, if you want to be polite, you can offer a different activity or different time. If you do not want to spend time with this person or people, reconsider your relationship.
Assertive communication is not only about how you communicate with others, but it is also about how you receive the messages that are communicated to you. Active listening is listening without interruption, listening for the meaning behind another person’s message. After you hear the news, summarize and paraphrase the message back to ensure a clear understanding.
Practice your assertive skills in situations that require you to take small risks first—maybe letting a barista know if your order was wrong or ask your friend not to call you after 9 PM. Later, once you start to build your confidence, you can challenge yourself to speak up more at work or ask your boss for a raise.
Remember that learning assertive communication takes time. Just as with any social skill, the more you practice, the better and more natural you will become.
If you would like to talk more about improving your communication skills, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help!
We provide couple’s counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin
couples counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Do you feel like you need to build trust with your partner? Do you feel disconnected from him or her? Does it feel like they are just not there for you when you need them the most? You may start to feel distant […]
Do you feel like you need to build trust with your partner? Do you feel disconnected from him or her? Does it feel like they are just not there for you when you need them the most? You may start to feel distant and unsure of what is happening or how to get the connection you once had back. Read on to find out about trust and how to rebuild it with your partner one interaction at a time.
Trust is transparency. It means that you will do what you say you will do. It answers the age-old question, “are you there for me when I need you the most?” Trust is also positive moral certainty about your partner. Trusting our partners means that we genuinely believe them to be ethical, honest, and good people who treat others with kindness, love, honesty, and goodwill.
Trust is built in everyday interactions, past fights, regrettable incidents, and conflict.
There are opportunities in everyday interactions for couples to build trust and connection. Each partner performs small “trust tests” where they directly or indirectly ask for something from one another. Psychologist John Gottman calls these moments “bids for connection.” In couples
counseling, we identify what these moments are for each partner and work on ways to turn towards or answer these bids.
If these requests for attention are met, trust is built over time, and partners begin to feel like they are there for each other. If, however, partners are not emotionally or physically available, trust can also start to erode over time.
The more your partner is confident that they can effectively get your attention and that you will respond positively, the more risk and vulnerability they will be able to take in the future for other bids.
The way couples respond to bids matters. A partner can choose to turn towards you by acknowledging your request, turn away by ignoring your request, or turn against by responding sarcastically or angrily. If you think of your relationship as an emotional bank account, turning towards makes deposits while turning away or against makes withdraws. Turning towards bids increases positive emotions and humor between couples. The more turning towards bids you have, the more positive effect there appears to be during the conflict.
In couples counseling, we learn how our partner tends to make requests and wants us to respond. An example of a bid maybe “I had the worst day ever at work. I lost an important account.” A turning towards response could be, “I hear you. That must have been so difficult for you. What can I do to meet your need?” A turning away bid could be ignoring your partner by walking away or playing on your phone. A turning against a bid may sound like, “ Why is it always about you?! I had a bad day too, but you never ask!”
Arguments are an inevitable part of all relationships. Attunement, according to John Gottman, Ph.D. is the number one way to regulate heightened emotions, or what he calls” flooding” during an argument. Negative events should be processed through the process of attunement. If they are not fully processed, they are rehearsed repeatedly in each person’s mind and brought up at other arguments. This erodes trust. The “Zeigarnik effect” states that we have better recall for not completely processed events.
When we process emotions with our partners, we build trust by showing them that we are there. Attuning is crucial because it helps us resolve a regrettable event and avoid the chance of festering in our minds.
Emotions do not vanish by being banished. When we dismiss our partner’s feelings, we are saying, “I don’t want to hear about it when you feel this way.” “Just replace your emotion with a positive one.” Emotional dismissing comes from the belief that a person can have any emotion they desire, which is a matter of will.
On the other hand, attunement means being aware of your partner’s emotions, turning towards those emotions, tolerance, understanding, nondefensively listening, and empathy. Shifting from being responsible for changing your partner’s feelings to understanding them. It would be best if you decided to attune. Practice the steps below to build trust:
Check-in with your partner by asking, “How are you doing?” This is an opportunity for intimacy and closeness. Do not be disapproving of negative emotions. Remember your partner’s vulnerabilities and sensitivities and soften how you discuss issues. Imagine your partner wearing a t-shirt with their vulnerabilities written on them.
Ask your partner for a positive need. Shift your perspective away from what you want your partner to stop doing, which will lead to defensiveness to more of what they can do to meet your needs. EX: “I need you to ask me about my day. “This is the responsibility of the speaker, not to begin with blame or criticism.
Tolerance means accepting both the positive and negative emotions your partner experiences. Tolerance does not mean agreement or that we must adapt our partner’s perspective. Accept that your partner’s reality is valid and have their point of view. All feelings are acceptable, but all behavior is not.
Understanding means that we postpone our plan and seek to understand where our partner is coming from. Ask your partner if you have fully understood them or anything more.
Listening without the need to defend yourself requires regulating feelings of defensiveness as you listen to your partner’s negative emotions and perceptions. This is the most challenging social skill in attunement. You can practice controlling your defensiveness by keeping quiet, pausing a beat before responding, and postponing your agenda. The key is to focus on your partner’s perceptions, not just the facts, and remember to breathe and self-soothe.
Listen with compassion and understanding by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes. Seek to see the world through your partner’s eyes. Communicate your empathy and understanding through validation.
To learn more about emotional attunement, see the book The Science of Trust by John Gottman here:
If you want help to deepen your understanding of yourself and your partner and learn skills to improve your relationship, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couple’s counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin couples counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Do you find yourself arguing over money, communication, who will do the chores, jealousy, or how to spend each other’s free time? If so, you are not alone. All happy couples argue about something. However, the key is to develop skills needed to manage conflict effectively. How happy you […]
Do you find yourself arguing over money, communication, who will do the chores, jealousy, or how to spend each other’s free time? If so, you are not alone. All happy couples argue about something. However, the key is to develop skills needed to manage conflict effectively. How happy you are as a couple will depend on how you resolve things you disagree on and how well you understand your partner’s perspective.
Conflict occurs when two parties have a different understanding or position on an important issue. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, and completely normal.
Some common misconceptions about conflict are that it is irreparable, should be avoided, and that it signals that the relationship is doomed to fail. These thinking errors can lead to suppressing our wants and desires in order to avoid an argument, which can be unhealthy and lead to resentment. Conflict can help you understand your partner’s inner world and having the tools to resolve it can help your relationship thrive.
Some Skills In Couples Counseling To Help Resolve ConflictWhen conflict arises avoid using “you statements” which can lead to your partner becoming defensive, practice speaking from this formula instead “I feel…about what…I need.” Describe what is happening from your perspective. Listen with the intent to understand, use validating statements to express empathy such as “I get it, I can see why this upsets you” or “that makes sense that you would feel that way.”
Accepting your partner’s influence can help you build a positive perspective of one another. Practice accepting influence by recognizing that sometimes your partner has good ideas and trying some of them out can help build mutual respect. Take this quiz to see where you stand when it comes to accepting influence from one another:
Love Quiz: Do You and Your Partner Accept Each Other’s Influence?
De-escalate heightened emotions and reduce tension. Firstly, you can start by asking your partner questions like “I don’t feel like you understand me right now, let me try again” or “I’m sorry, I can see my part in this.” Remember to pause if things begin to feel overwhelming by asking to take a break and agreeing on a time to return to discussion after you both had a chance to calm down.
Conflict can help us understand our partner. Asking the right questions during an argument can lead to a deeper understanding of your partner’s inner world. Learning to recognize and explore your partner’s dreams can help you both move through conflict effectively. For instance, asking your partner questions may help you understand them and the situation better.
Some questions you can ask to gain understanding:
Make a list of your core needs and areas of flexibility, ask your partner to do the same. Help each other understand why your core needs are important to you. Work with your partner to find common ground and compromise on your areas of flexibility. Remember compromise will never feel perfect, the key is that you both feel understood and respected in the process.
Couples Counseling Can Help You Resolve ConflictEvery relationship can benefit from couples counseling. Couples counseling is not just for relationships at the brink of falling apart. Couples therapy can help any partnership that needs help navigating conflict. A skilled couples therapist can guide you in identifying the sources of conflict and help you develop the skills you need to improve your communication!
You can also work on specific goals that will help you and your partner establish patterns of emotional and sexual connection that can improve the overall quality of your relationship. If you are stuck in conflict with your partner and would like help getting unstuck, please give us a call at the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch. We would love to help you cultivate a happy and meaningful relationship with your partner.
If you are ready to improve your relationship, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couple’s counseling as well as other services. To begin couples counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC While conflicts are a normal part of any relationship, they can often lead to arguments and fights that increase our stress and anxiety and can cause rifts in our relationships. Learning conflict resolution skills can assist you in maintaining healthy boundaries, increase healthy communication skills, and lead you to improved […]
While conflicts are a normal part of any relationship, they can often lead to arguments and fights that increase our stress and anxiety and can cause rifts in our relationships. Learning conflict resolution skills can assist you in maintaining healthy boundaries, increase healthy communication skills, and lead you to improved relationships. These are a few tips you can start utilizing today to resolve conflicts in a healthy way and keep relationships and mental health strong.
A Few Ways To Have Healthy Conflict ResolutionFirstly, remember that a conflict is a disagreement. Sometimes these disagreements may be big, but make the relationship the priority. Conflicts continue to fester when they are ignored. Be sure that you do not fear addressing the issue. Ignoring a problem, whether real or perceived, can lead to resentment. When addressing the problem, be sure you are in a calm and open state of mind.
If you need a few minutes to collect yourself, take the time to do so. This avoids things getting heated and the potential of someone losing control. Some conflicts may trigger strong emotions and it is important that we prepare for this- be mindful and recall your coping skills.
Secondly, it is essential that we understand and state our needs when trying to resolve conflicts and work towards being understanding and compassionate to the needs of others. Be aware of how and what you are communicating and avoid any disrespectful words or comments- also, facial expressions! If you notice the urge to engage in this, it’s time for a break.
Let whomever you are in conflict with know you need a few minutes, but will return to resolve the issue later. While you may be tempted to not return, it is important to do so to allow for resolution and avoid any chance of resentment or pent up negative feelings later. When communicating with the person you are in conflict with, be sure to focus on facts and express your feelings; try to avoid placing blame.
Remember it is okay to agree to disagree. There may be times when conflicts are not resolved in the way you’d prefer. Think of what your responsibility is in the situation and what you have control over. Is there anything you can do to improve your circumstance?
Resolving conflicts in a healthy way provides opportunity for self-growth and can lead to stronger and healthier relationships. If you notice conflict being frequent, try to notice causes. When we can recognize the cause of a conflict, we can work towards avoiding it. Remember to utilize coping skills if things get heated. Do not be afraid to take a time-out. Need more tips? Come in for therapy to work on how to better manage emotions, assert boundaries, and increase healthy communication.
If you are ready to find relief from conflict in your relationship, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer treatment services for adults, teens, kids, couples and families. We offer counseling services in trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Janelle Schlueter, MS, LPC, NCC, CCTP It’s a word we hear all the time. From family, friends, strangers and even ourselves. “Should” is such a common word so why would I say it’s the new curse word? Some of the many things I am passionate about as a therapist are issues that impact our self-esteem. […]
It’s a word we hear all the time. From family, friends, strangers and even ourselves. “Should” is such a common word so why would I say it’s the new curse word? Some of the many things I am passionate about as a therapist are issues that impact our self-esteem. Read on to see why a word so simple can have such a negative impact on how you view yourself.
If someone says “you should read this book”, it sounds innocent enough, right? Actually, it’s pretty harmful. This person is assuming that they know you will like the book or benefit from it when they do not know for sure. They are assuming they have more insight into your life, schedule, wants, likes, and interests than you do. That’s crazy! Who knows what’s best for you more than you?!
If someone says “you should break up with your partner”, it may sound like they are being helpful in giving advice but, it’s not. The way people tend to interpret a comment like that is that not only does this person think they know what’s best for us more than we do for ourselves but it implies there is a clear right and clear wrong way to do things. Is it possible that this scenario is not black and white but actually has some grey area, too? Absolutely!
Judgement and criticismDo you like the idea of being judged and criticized for your decisions? I didn’t think so! When people judge and criticize, it often comes out in a “should” statement. I’m sure you’ve probably been told “you shouldn’t do that” or “you should have done this”. When you heard that, how did you feel about yourself? Not good, right? You likely felt guilty, ashamed or like you did something wrong. The question I ask my clients is: is there really a golden rule that you were not following or was it someone’s set of standards or rules unique to them? You will find there are few times where there is an understood right and wrong (think laws).
Lastly, but most importantly, be mindful of how often you say “should” to yourself. We are all guilty of judging and criticizing ourselves harder than others ever could. One of the dangers of negative self-talk is that we don’t say things aloud so we don’t always recognize that we are saying anything. “I should do this”, “I should not have done that”, “I should be this” are examples of self-talk that are based on judgment, criticism, and the assumption of a clear right and wrong. Is that helpful? No. Not at all.
We can try to rephrase things to eliminate judgment and the assumption of right and wrong. Rather than saying “you should read this book” try and say “you might enjoy this book”. Don’t those sound much nicer?!
To make sure you are communicating as healthy as possible to others as well as yourself, try viewing “should” as a buzzword. My clients are often hearing me make a small buzzer noise when they say “should”. It doesn’t take long before they stop using “should” and significantly reduce judgment, criticism and assumption from others as well as themselves!
Go To Counseling To Help With Self-Esteem!Counseling can help with many issues that you may find yourself struggling with, such as: anxiety, depression, lack of coping skills, communication issues, relationship struggles, history of trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder, sleep issues, addiction, and so much more. Seeing a counselor can help you identify areas that you would like to work on such as self-esteem talked about in this blog.
If you are ready to find help for your mental health struggles, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Other Therapy Services We Offer
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC Healthy boundaries are an essential part of keeping good mental health. So how do we ensure we are establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries? Well, setting boundaries is not just about setting limits with those in our lives, but also prioritizing your relationship with yourself. We have to remember our worth […]
Healthy boundaries are an essential part of keeping good mental health. So how do we ensure we are establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries? Well, setting boundaries is not just about setting limits with those in our lives, but also prioritizing your relationship with yourself. We have to remember our worth and our values.
Now more than ever, lines are blurred when it comes to work/life balance and relationships. It is important that we remember to build our personal and emotional space in a way that is healthy for us. Being aware and setting boundaries provides clarity around what is good for us, what feels comfortable, and what is healthy for our life. It can help us regain some sense of control- something that right now many feel they have lost.
There are many things we can do to reevaluate our boundaries right now! Notice the people, places, and things that tend to drain you. Is there any room or way for change in these areas? Inspect different parts of your life and self, such as physical, mental, and emotional health, work, social, and home life, and self-care. Check for any holes that may leave room for improvement. Make it a habit to notice your personal limits; when we overdo it, we risk burnout and resentment.
It is okay to say “no” and communicating with clarity and assertiveness are skills that can be learned in therapy. Setting boundaries can sometimes be hard and even uncomfortable, but allow yourself the opportunity so that you are not denying yourself happiness and self-growth. Remember to seek support if you feel overwhelmed through talking to someone like a therapist or friend and utilize coping skills and relaxation techniques.
Maybe you’re the kind of person that puts others before yourself- while that is a caring and worthy trait, it can mean you struggle to know your own worth and may have difficulty setting boundaries. Take some time to consider what is important to you. Evaluate what your values are and how you can implement them into your life. Remember that boundaries are not set in stone; they are flexible and can change when you need them to as life evolves. Check in with yourself frequently and remember sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first.
If you are ready to find out how to establish healthy boundaries, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in other areas including trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, anxiety treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!