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    How to Set Boundaries with Your Partner

    May 21, 2022

    By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S What are boundaries, and why do we need them? Boundaries are expectation or rules that we set for ourselves that tells the other person our limit of space or activity. Boundaries show others who you are, your needs, and what you will and […]

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    How to Set Boundaries with Your Partner

    May 21, 2022
    By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate
    Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S

    What are boundaries, and why do we need them? Boundaries are expectation or rules that we set for ourselves that tellsHow to Set Boundaries with Your Partner blog, katy texas, counseling center at cinco ranch, road paved as if to show a boundary or a place to not go off the road. the other person our limit of space or activity. Boundaries show others who you are, your needs, and what you will and will not accept from others. Sometimes if we do not have personal boundaries, we find it hard to respect boundaries that others set. It can be a challenge to appreciate something we do not honor ourselves, so identifying your boundaries is the first step. Boundaries are healthy for relationships because they establish clear expectations, allow each partner to meet their needs, and create open communication.

    How to Identify Your Boundaries:

    Identify Your Needs and Wants:

    Evaluate how you feel within your relationship. Do you need more time to yourself? Are you feeling a lack of social connection with your friends and need some time with them? Do you need more respect from your partner? Do you crave more understanding or more intimacy from your partner?

    Put Them On Paper:

    Write down a list of your needs and expectation and where you want to set a limit. If you are giving too much of your time to your partner, how can you create more balance?

    Be Clear About the Value Your Boundaries Serve You:

    Look at your emotional, mental, and physical health trajectory if your needs go unmet. Not setting boundaries and neglecting your needs will ultimately lead to relationship burnout and can fuel negative cycles of interaction with your partner. 

    How to State Your Boundaries to Your Partner:

    Communicate your boundaries in a non-threatening way. For example, if your need is that you want your partner to be more present and you notice your partner is on the phone when you try to have a conversation, you can say:

    “I feel heard and valued when you listen to me without any distractions” or “I feel respected when I can finish my point without interruption” instead of “sHow to Set Boundaries with Your Partner blog, katy texas, counseling center at cinco ranch, stop sign to signify a boundary or a way to change directiontop picking up your phone when I’m talking, or I’ll stop talking to you.” 

    1. Listen to your partner’s needs. When you listen, ask why these needs are essential, try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, and hear from your partner’s perspective. Listening is an active process. 
    2. Boundaries are best communicated using “I statements” to reduce the likelihood that your partner feels blamed or attacked and becomes defensive.
    3. Respect each other’s boundaries. Honor your partner’s needs, and let them know that next time they communicate their boundary to you, you will commit to honor and ask for the same.

    Why Setting Boundaries is Difficult:

    Remember that sometimes when you start to state your needs, wants, or limits to others, especially if you have difficulty doing so or rarely set boundaries, it may trigger deep-seated feelings of guilt, shame, or selfishness. It is essential to consider the origin of these negative core beliefs. Keep in mind that feeling this way does not mean that you should not set boundaries with others. You can process these feelings by placing limitations on your partner. Being vulnerable and sharing these feelings can help your partner understand you and enrich the bond you have together.

    What If My Partner Does Not Respect My Boundaries?

    If you have not had boundaries with your partner before, it may be a challenge for them initially to accept your limits. They may want more than you are comfortable giving, overstep, challenge why you have a specific boundary, judge or criticize them, or question if they are realistic. When this happens, consider your values around your limits. Ask your partner about any fears about this change and reassure and soothe these fears together. Communicate to your partner using the “gentle startup” (I feel…about what…I need…) of how you feel when your boundaries are not respected. Share with your partner that identifying, honoring, and expressing your needs can help you from disconnection. 

    Begin Couples Therapy in Katy, TX!How to Set Boundaries with Your Partner blog, katy texas, counseling center at cinco ranch, a couple embracing

    Need Help Setting Boundaries? Don’t Know Where to start? If you are ready to improve your relationship, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couples counseling as well as other services. To begin couples counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about couples counseling
    2. Meet with one of our skilled therapists
    3. Find ways to thrive in your relationship!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer:

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

     

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: boundaries, communication, communication therapy, counseling, counseling center at cinco ranch, couples, couples counseling, expectations, fulshear texas, Katy Texas, limits, partner, rules, talk therapy

    Helping Middle School Kids Adjust blog, counseling center at cinco ranch, katy texas, fulshear, richmond texas, 77494

    Helping Middle School Kids Adjust 

    April 12, 2022

    By: Margie Frisco, MA Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Middle School can be challenging for the parents and the kids. Kids are trying to adjust to a new school with new people. Parents are trying to change to what can feel like a new kid. The transition to middle school will be one of […]

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    Helping Middle School Kids Adjust 

    April 12, 2022

    Young middle school aged girl writing in a notebook sitting next to her backpack at school, Helping Middle School Kids Adjust blog, counseling center at cinco ranch, katy texas, fulshear, richmond texas, 77494By: Margie Frisco, MA
    Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S

    Middle School can be challenging for the parents and the kids. Kids are trying to adjust to a new school with new people. Parents are trying to change to what can feel like a new kid. The transition to middle school will be one of the most complicated transitions children will experience. Different resources to help them adjust are available to help you. 

    Ways to Help Your Middle School Kids:

    Involvement is not just at home or school. There are many ways a parent can help their middle schooler. For instance, studies have shown that middle school kids do better with parent involvement. Parent involvement is most effective both at home as well as in school. 

    Helping Your Middle School Kids at Home:Young man texting on his phone outside at school, Helping Middle School Kids Adjust blog, counseling center at cinco ranch, katy texas, fulshear, richmond texas, 77494

    As your child grows, what they need from a parent changes. For example, a young child might need help changing or preparing their sandwich. A middle school kid might not need help with those things. But they might still need help at home with managing their time. 

    Lots of middle school kids have difficulty adjusting to managing chores, grades, and doing things they want to do. Helping your child figure out what works best for them is one way to help. 

    Another way parents can help at home is to be prepared for a change in their child. Many parents describe their middle school kids changing into a teenager overnight. Being ready for the change in attitude and behavior can be helpful for the parent. 

    Lastly, it is ok to need help. If further assistance is required, group counseling might be an option. Group therapy allows middle schoolers to share their feelings, feel validated by their peers, and learn by seeing others’ social interactions. In group therapy, the Center provides a space. We talk about healthy communication, ways to regulate their emotions, learning to celebrate small victories, and self-care. 

    Helping Your Middle School Kids at School:Young girl looking pensive, at school or in a school setting or function, Helping Middle School Kids Adjust blog, counseling center at cinco ranch, katy texas, fulshear, richmond texas, 77494

    A significant change in middle school is the school work. Not only do they now have more teachers, but they have to go to multiple classrooms, the schoolwork gets more complicated, and they become painfully aware that multitasking is mandatory. Keep in mind the parent involvement will change too. 

    Since your kid is getting older, they can be more responsible for their school work. They will still need help adjusting to taking on more responsibility. Middle schoolers can learn from watching you. They are watching how you react when you get discouraging news from work or when you have to work together with family members/co-workers. Setting an example of working effectively can genuinely influence your middle schooler. 

    Is your middle schooler understanding and developing academically? Are they struggling in one subject? Then take that information and find resources that help your middle schooler directly—also, getting to know where your middle schooler is developmentally helpful. 

    Even if they are acing all of their classes, are they involved in their school? Studies have shown that kids involved in after-school activities tend to adjust better in middle school. After-school activities can be anything, ranging from athletics, clubs, dance, or anything that interests your child.

    Begin Counseling at Our Center in Katy, TX! 

    If you would like more help with parenting strategies for raising a middle schooler, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! To begin counseling in Katy, Texas, follow these three steps: 

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or get more information on parenting. 

    2. Meet with one of our understanding therapists.

    3. Find other ways to help your middle schooler with therapy today! 

    Other Therapy Services We Offer: 

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

     

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: 77494, communication, counseling, counseling center at cinco ranch, home, home and school, katy, Katy Texas, kids, middle school, middle school counseling, middle school therapy, pre-teen, school, teen, teens, therapy

    two women swinging on a swing, laughing, the importance of nonverbal communication blog, counseling center at cinco ranch, therapy, katy texas

    The Importance of Nonverbal Communication   

    April 4, 2022

    By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC, NCC Oftentimes, our nonverbal communication is just as important as our verbal communication. Healthy communication is an essential part of a strong, supportive, and healthy relationship. Usually, when thinking about communication, we consider the actual words we use, whether spoken or written. Often, we forget just how much of our communication […]

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    The Importance of Nonverbal Communication   

    April 4, 2022
    By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC, NCC

    two women swinging on a swing, laughing, the importance of nonverbal communication blog, counseling center at cinco ranch, therapy, katy texas

    Oftentimes, our nonverbal communication is just as important as our verbal communication. Healthy communication is an essential part of a strong, supportive, and healthy relationship. Usually, when thinking about communication, we consider the actual words we use, whether spoken or written. Often, we forget just how much of our communication is through means besides words- things like body language, facial expressions, tone, volume, gestures, and physical space. It is essential to consider these things as it often matters not what we say but how we say it.

    Effective Nonverbal Communication Can Help Resolve Problems.

    a couple or friends sitting in what looks like a coffee shop having a conversation, the importance of nonverbal communication blog, counseling center at cinco ranch, therapy, katy texasWhen I talk to clients about communicating with those close to them, many say they struggle feeling heard or understood; sometimes, they might feel like they cannot truly get their point across. Many clients come to me to talk about communication regarding conflict or expressing feelings. These are things that are important to do healthily as one needs to be able to reach resolutions and assert themselves in a manner that is both respecting their needs and the needs of the other. We want to be sure our communication- both verbal and nonverbal- is healthy and constructive. 

    What is Your Nonverbal Communication Saying to Others?

    three ladies sitting in a field of flowers having a conversation, the importance of nonverbal communication blog, counseling center at cinco ranch, therapy, katy texasBe sure to consider how you may be coming across to the person you are speaking to; have open body language, a calm expression, and a welcoming tone. Suppose you are coming across as aggressive or dismissive in your nonverbal language. Even if the words you are saying are assertive, another person might put their guard up and pay more attention to your attitude rather than what you are trying to say. Things that can be an immediate turn-off are loud voices, condescending tones, harsh glares, eye-rolling, or turning your back to the person you are talking to. How you say things can have a tremendous impact on how those words are interpreted. The look we give others can convey a vast range of emotions so take note of how your gaze may be impacting the conversation. 

    How Can You Improve your Communication Style?

    In therapy, you can work on learning even more specific techniques to cater to your communication style. You can have the opportunity to process conflicts and feelings with a therapist and even roleplay how to express yourself in a way that can be received and interpreted correctly. Healthy and constructive communication are achievable; try implementing some positive changes for lasting impact.

    Begin Counseling at Our Center in Katy, TX!

    If you are ready improve your communication skills, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to get more information about communication or other life skills.
    2. Meet with one of our attentive therapists. 
    3. Find peace from your stress with counseling!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer:

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer treatment for depression and anxiety for adults, teens, and kids. We also provide counseling services in other areas, including trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment,  depression treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on various mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: communication, communication tips, counseling center at cinco ranch, effective communication, Katy Texas, life skills, nonverbal communication, resolving conflict, resolving problems, therapy, verbal communication

    Upset and depressed girl holding smartphone sitting on college campus floor holding head. University sad student suffering from depression sitting on floor at high school. Lonely bullied teen in difficulty with copy space. Middle School therapy blog post, katy Texas, 77494.

    Middle School Therapy Group

    March 17, 2022

    By: Margie Frisco, MA Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S If you have a child in Middle School, a therapy group can be an impactful way for your child to learn various skills. For instance, do you remember what it was like to be a middle schooler? It was the time in most of our […]

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    Middle School Therapy Group

    March 17, 2022

    By: Margie Frisco, MA
    Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S

    If you have a child in Middle School, a therapy group can be an impactful way for your child to learn various skills. For instance, do you remember what it was like to be a middle schooler? It was the time in most of our lives that our friend’s opinions and behaviors began to influence us the most. We start to transition to connect more with our peers. The transition from fifth grade to middle school is one of the kids’ most challenging transitions.

    How can the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch help your Middle Schooler?Group of middle school girls using their hands to form hearts in a field, uplifting, Middle School therapy blog post, katy Texas, 77494.

    If we can make it a little easier, it can make the parents’ lives easier. Group therapy can be a way to help. It gives our kids a space to feel and express their emotions with their peers. Expression at the Center is encouraged in a room that does not feel like school. Therefore, expressoin is inspired by acting out situations, drawing/coloring, talking, and playing games. Below is a list of common topics discussed within the Middle School therapy group.

    Healthy Communication Skills:

    Undoubtedly, healthy communication skills are imperative. Furthermore, some forms of communication are better and more beneficial than others. For example, you cannot communicate effectively with another person while feeling outraged. Moreover, we would practice different ways to display depending on the situation. This week we will review various forms of communication.

    Irrational Thoughts:

    It is a natural event for individuals to have random thoughts. How many times have we thought we knew what others were thinking? For instance, what if you caught someone looking at you. Could they just be looking in your direction? Or could they be thinking something nice about you? The reality is we genuinely do not know what others are thinking. It can be easier to assume we know what they are thinking.

    Anxiety:

    Everyone experiences stress. We begin by noticing how anxiety manifests for each person to address it. For some individuals, anxiety can display in the body as headaches, stomach aches, or body pains. Keep in mind some individuals are better at managing their symptoms than others. 

    It is essential to discover where the pressure starts when trying to understand anxiety. Understanding the increase, why it occurs, and recognizing it allows us to address it before it becomes overwhelming. Identifying the lowest form of tension in the body can help pinpoint pressure.Upset and depressed girl holding smartphone sitting on college campus floor holding head. University sad student suffering from depression sitting on floor at high school. Lonely bullied teen in difficulty with copy space. Middle School therapy blog post, katy Texas, 77494.

    Emotion Recognition:

    Recognizing emotions can benefit middle schoolers by teaching them to identify the feeling, ask if they are unsure, and react appropriately. Emotions can look different for each person. For instance, some people cry when they are sad. Others might become very quiet when low. Neither action is “wrong,” but noticing that both individuals are unhappy can be helpful.

    Emotion Regulation:

    Emotion regulation means being able to help bring heightened emotions back down to an average level. This can be done by adding healthy coping skills. We focus on helping you recognize your feelings, learn to calm down, and return to a regulated place.

    Healthy Coping Skills:

    Coping skills can help make an overwhelming feeling more manageable. Keep in mind there are healthy and unhealthy coping skills. To differentiate, healthy versus unhealthy coping skills are covered during this week. Furthermore, how and when to implement the skills.

    Healthy Relationships:

    The relationship does not have to be just romantic. Identifying the impact of relationships can help recognize healthy and beneficial friendships to keep. This week, we look at the closest relationships in our lives and recognize abusive tendencies within a relationship.

    Young male student staring at the sink in the bathroom looking sad, Middle School therapy blog post, katy Texas, 77494.

    Begin Middle School Therapy today at the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch in Katy, TX.

    If you would like to talk more about Middle School Group therapy, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help!

    We provide couple’s counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin

    couples counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about how to increase assertive communication 
    2. Meet with one of our knowledgeable therapists
    3. Find new ways to become your most authentic you!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer:

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: anxiety, communication, emotion recognition, emotional regulation, group therapy, healthy communication skills, healthy coping skills, healthy relationships, irrational thoughts, middle school, preteen, skills, student, teens

    Two friends or coworkers having a conversation at a table, talking, assertiveness blog, relationship, begin counseling in Katy Texas, Fulshear Texas, Richmond Texas, How to be more assertive

    How to Be More Assertive

    February 2, 2022

    By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Would you like to know how to be more assertive? Do you struggle to say what you mean to others? Do you struggle to make decisions and find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no?” Maybe you find yourself putting your […]

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    How to Be More Assertive

    February 2, 2022
    By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate
    Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S

    Would you like to know how to be more assertive? Do you struggle to say what you mean to others? Do you struggle to make decisions and find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no?” Maybe you find yourself putting your needs and wants last to

    Two friends sitting at a table having a conversation, talking, assertiveness blog, relationship, begin counseling in Katy Texas, Fulshear Texas, Richmond Texas

     avoid conflict, but later find yourself overwhelmed, resentful, and stressed. If you identify with any of these

    examples, you may have a passive communication style that is not serving you in getting your needs met. This blog will look at five ways to increase your assertive communication skills and meet your needs!

    What is Assertive Communication?

    An assertive communication style means that you are direct and respectful when you communicate with others. Your tone of voice is firm but not aggressive. You speak your needs clearly and maintain eye contact. You take the needs of yourself and others when speaking and expressing your needs. 

    For example, let’s say that your co-worker expects you to do her part of a team project at work. You find yourself saying yes to avoid conflict but end up missing time with your family and your spouse due to

     picking up her slack after work. Later, you find yourself burned out, exhausted, missing your family, and feeling restful towards your co-worker. 

    Here you state your needs clearly and offer a team to help if your friend needs it. If you were to practice assertive communication, you could say, “unfortunately, I cannot take any more time on helping you with your part of the project. If you have any questions or need any help, we could set up a team meeting to discuss it together.” 

    Benefits of being more assertive:

    A woman giving a speech or presentation in front of a group or office, talking, assertiveness blog, relationship, begin counseling in Katy Texas, Fulshear Texas, Richmond Texas

    • Being assertive can help you build self-esteem because communicating enables you to advocate for your needs. 
    • You will earn the respect of others and increase your self-confidence and self-respect when you learn how to express your wants, thoughts, and feelings. 
    • Others will begin to learn where your boundaries are, and you will have more time for self-care or do things you enjoy.

    How to be More Assertive:

    Rehearse your message:

    When you have a specific request from others, break down what you want to say first. You can brainstorm your needs and then state your needs or desires out loud. You can role-play with your therapist or friend and ask for feedback.  

    Practice speaking your wants and needs with “I statements:”

    This style of communication will help you sound less accusatory and more respectful. For example, you can say, “I would like your help with this project,” instead of “you need to do this.” 

    Practice saying no:

    Friends, coworkers, or students talking at a lunch or dinner table, talking, assertiveness blog, relationship, begin counseling in Katy Texas, Fulshear Texas, Richmond Texas

    If you find yourself saying yes to requests and then blaming yourself or canceling plans after agreeing when you did not want to, you may need to practice saying no. Some ways to say no can be “no, I cannot do that right now,” or “no, I have another commitment.” No need to apologize or give a detailed explanation.

     Keep it brief and to the point. Remember why you are declining in the first place. If you are at capacity

    with engagements, you are doing yourself a service to not take any more things on. Or, if you want to be polite, you can offer a different activity or different time. If you do not want to spend time with this person or people, reconsider your relationship.

    Practice Active Listening:

    Assertive communication is not only about how you communicate with others, but it is also about how you receive the messages that are communicated to you. Active listening is listening without interruption, listening for the meaning behind another person’s message. After you hear the news, summarize and paraphrase the message back to ensure a clear understanding.

    Start small:

    Practice your assertive skills in situations that require you to take small risks first—maybe letting a barista know if your order was wrong or ask your friend not to call you after 9 PM. Later, once you start to build your confidence, you can challenge yourself to speak up more at work or ask your boss for a raise. 

    Remember that learning assertive communication takes time. Just as with any social skill, the more you practice, the better and more natural you will become.

    Build trust with your partner with help from the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch in Katy, TX.

    If you would like to talk more about improving your communication skills, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help!

    We provide couple’s counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin

    couples counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about how to increase assertive communication 
    2. Meet with one of our knowledgeable therapists
    3. Find new ways to become your most authentic you!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer:

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

     

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: 77494, assertive, assertive communication, assertiveness, be assertive, being assertive, communication, communication skills, Conversation, counseling center at cinco ranch, couples therapy, effective communication, family, friends, interpersonal communication, katy, relationships, strength, texas, therapy, types of communication, verbal communication

    Couple sharing a trusting moment at night, Couple leaning in close, intimacy, trust, how to build trust with your partner blog, relationship, begin counseling in Katy Texas, Fulshear Texas, Richmond Texas

    How to Build Trust with Your Partner

    January 24, 2022

    By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Do you feel like you need to build trust with your partner? Do you feel disconnected from him or her? Does it feel like they are just not there for you when you need them the most? You may start to feel distant […]

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    How to Build Trust with Your Partner

    January 24, 2022
    By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate
    Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S

    Do you feel like you need to build trust with your partner? Do you feel disconnected from him or her? Does it feel like they are just not there for you when you need them the most? You may start to feel distant and unsure of what is happening or how to get the connection you once had back. Read on to find out about trust and how to rebuild it with your partner one interaction at a time.

    What is Trust, and How Do You Build It?

    Trust is transparency. It means that you will do what you say you will do. It answers the age-old question, “are you there for me when I need you the most?” Trust is also positive moral certainty about your partner. Trusting our partners means that we genuinely believe them to be ethical, honest, and good people who treat others with kindness, love, honesty, and goodwill.

    Trust is built in everyday interactions, past fights, regrettable incidents, and conflict.

    Building Trust in Everyday Interactions:

    There are opportunities in everyday interactions for couples to build trust and connection. Each partner performs small “trust tests” where they directly or indirectly ask for something from one another. Psychologist John Gottman calls these moments “bids for connection.” In couples

    Couple leaning in close, intimacy, trust, how to build trust with your partner blog, relationship, begin counseling in Katy Texas, Fulshear Texas, Richmond Texas

    counseling, we identify what these moments are for each partner and work on ways to turn towards or answer these bids.

    If these requests for attention are met, trust is built over time, and partners begin to feel like they are there for each other. If, however, partners are not emotionally or physically available, trust can also start to erode over time.

    Examples of bids are:

    • Requests for attention.
    • Asking for help with a project.
    • An offer to start a conversation or a bid for affection or sexual intimacy.

    The more your partner is confident that they can effectively get your attention and that you will respond positively, the more risk and vulnerability they will be able to take in the future for other bids.

    The way couples respond to bids matters. A partner can choose to turn towards you by acknowledging your request, turn away by ignoring your request, or turn against by responding sarcastically or angrily. If you think of your relationship as an emotional bank account, turning towards makes deposits while turning away or against makes withdraws. Turning towards bids increases positive emotions and humor between couples. The more turning towards bids you have, the more positive effect there appears to be during the conflict.

    In couples counseling, we learn how our partner tends to make requests and wants us to respond. An example of a bid maybe “I had the worst day ever at work. I lost an important account.” A turning towards response could be, “I hear you. That must have been so difficult for you. What can I do to meet your need?” A turning away bid could be ignoring your partner by walking away or playing on your phone. A turning against a bid may sound like, “ Why is it always about you?! I had a bad day too, but you never ask!”

    Building Trust During Arguments or Past Conflicts:

    Arguments are an inevitable part of all relationships. Attunement, according to John Gottman, Ph.D. is the number one way to regulate heightened emotions, or what he calls” flooding” during an argument. Negative events should be processed through the process of attunement. If they are not fully processed, they are rehearsed repeatedly in each person’s mind and brought up at other arguments. This erodes trust. The “Zeigarnik effect” states that we have better recall for not completely processed events.

    When we process emotions with our partners, we build trust by showing them that we are there. Attuning is crucial because it helps us resolve a regrettable event and avoid the chance of festering in our minds.

    How to attune to your partner:

    Emotions do not vanish by being banished. When we dismiss our partner’s feelings, we are saying, “I don’t want to hear about it when you feel this way.” “Just replace your emotion with a positive one.” Emotional dismissing comes from the belief that a person can have any emotion they desire, which is a matter of will.

    On the other hand, attunement means being aware of your partner’s emotions, turning towards those emotions, tolerance, understanding, nondefensively listening, and empathy. Shifting from being responsible for changing your partner’s feelings to understanding them. It would be best if you decided to attune. Practice the steps below to build trust:

    Check your partner’s emotional temperature:Couple sharing a trusting moment at night, Couple leaning in close, intimacy, trust, how to build trust with your partner blog, relationship, begin counseling in Katy Texas, Fulshear Texas, Richmond Texas

    Check-in with your partner by asking, “How are you doing?” This is an opportunity for intimacy and closeness. Do not be disapproving of negative emotions. Remember your partner’s vulnerabilities and sensitivities and soften how you discuss issues. Imagine your partner wearing a t-shirt with their vulnerabilities written on them.

    Turn towards your partner:

    Ask your partner for a positive need. Shift your perspective away from what you want your partner to stop doing, which will lead to defensiveness to more of what they can do to meet your needs. EX: “I need you to ask me about my day. “This is the responsibility of the speaker, not to begin with blame or criticism.

    Act with tolerance:

    Tolerance means accepting both the positive and negative emotions your partner experiences. Tolerance does not mean agreement or that we must adapt our partner’s perspective. Accept that your partner’s reality is valid and have their point of view. All feelings are acceptable, but all behavior is not.

    Try to understand your partner:

    Understanding means that we postpone our plan and seek to understand where our partner is coming from. Ask your partner if you have fully understood them or anything more.

    Nondefense listening:

    Listening without the need to defend yourself requires regulating feelings of defensiveness as you listen to your partner’s negative emotions and perceptions. This is the most challenging social skill in attunement. You can practice controlling your defensiveness by keeping quiet, pausing a beat before responding, and postponing your agenda. The key is to focus on your partner’s perceptions, not just the facts, and remember to breathe and self-soothe.Couple sharing a kiss, Couple sharing a trusting moment at night, Couple leaning in close, intimacy, trust, how to build trust with your partner blog, relationship, begin counseling in Katy Texas, Fulshear Texas, Richmond Texas

    Respond with empathy:

    Listen with compassion and understanding by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes. Seek to see the world through your partner’s eyes. Communicate your empathy and understanding through validation.

    To learn more about emotional attunement, see the book The Science of Trust by John Gottman here:

    https://smile.amazon.com/Science-Trust-Emotional-Attunement-Couples/dp/0393705951/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1641588776&sr=8-1

    Build trust with your partner with help from the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch in Katy, TX.

    If you want help to deepen your understanding of yourself and your partner and learn skills to improve your relationship, one of the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couple’s counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin couples counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:

    • Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about emotionally focused therapy
    • Meet with one of our knowledgeable therapists
    • Find ways to thrive in your relationship!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer:

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

     

     

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: Arguments, Attention, build trust, building trust in relationship, CBT, communication, conflict, Conversation, couples counseling, couples therapy, developing trust, earning trust, establish trust, How to build trust, katy, marriage counseling, new beginning, therapy, trust, tx, ways to build trust

    A heterosexual couple that is hugging outside in the mountains. Represents the needs for couples counseling to help resolve conflict in Katy, TX 77494

    5 Ways Couples Counseling Can Help You Resolve Conflict

    June 28, 2021

    By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Do you find yourself arguing over money, communication, who will do the chores, jealousy, or how to spend each other’s free time? If so, you are not alone. All happy couples argue about something. However, the key is to develop skills needed to manage conflict effectively. How happy you […]

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    5 Ways Couples Counseling Can Help You Resolve Conflict

    June 28, 2021
    By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate

    Do you find yourself arguing over money, communication, who will do the chores, jealousy, or how to spend each other’s free time? If so, you are not alone. All happy couples argue about something. However, the key is to develop skills needed to manage conflict effectively. How happy you are as a couple will depend on how you resolve things you disagree on and how well you understand your partner’s perspective.

    What Is Conflict And Can We Resolve It?

    Conflict occurs when two parties have a different understanding or position on an important issue. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, and completely normal. 

    Some common misconceptions about conflict are that it is irreparable, should be avoided, and that it signals that the relationship is doomed to fail. These thinking errors can lead to suppressing our wants and desires in order to avoid an argument, which can be unhealthy and lead to resentment. Conflict can help you understand your partner’s inner world and having the tools to resolve it can help your relationship thrive. 

    A couple holding hands over a cup of coffee. Represents the need for couples counseling to resolve conflict in Katy, TX 77494Some Skills In Couples Counseling To Help Resolve Conflict

    1. Use A Soft Startup

    When conflict arises avoid using “you statements” which can lead to your partner becoming defensive, practice speaking from this formula instead “I feel…about what…I need.” Describe what is happening from your perspective. Listen with the intent to understand, use validating statements to express empathy such as “I get it, I can see why this upsets you” or “that makes sense that you would feel that way.”

    2. Take Influence From Each Other

    Accepting your partner’s influence can help you build a positive perspective of one another. Practice accepting influence by recognizing that sometimes your partner has good ideas and trying some of them out can help build mutual respect. Take this quiz to see where you stand when it comes to accepting influence from one another:

    Love Quiz: Do You and Your Partner Accept Each Other’s Influence?

    3. Repair- and De-Escalate

    De-escalate heightened emotions and reduce tension. Firstly, you can start by asking your partner questions like “I don’t feel like you understand me right now, let me try again” or “I’m sorry, I can see my part in this.” Remember to pause if things begin to feel overwhelming by asking to take a break and agreeing on a time to return to discussion after you both had a chance to calm down.

    4. Dreams Within A Conflict

    Conflict can help us understand our partner. Asking the right questions during an argument can lead to a deeper understanding of your partner’s inner world. Learning to recognize and explore your partner’s dreams can help you both move through conflict effectively. For instance, asking your partner questions may help you understand them and the situation better.

    Some questions you can ask to gain understanding:

    • “Can you tell me why this is important for you?”
    • “Does this relate to your background in some way?”
    • “What is your need or wish in this situation?”
    • “What do you feel about it?” 

    5. The Art of Compromise

    Make a list of your core needs and areas of flexibility, ask your partner to do the same. Help each other understand why your core needs are important to you. Work with your partner to find common ground and compromise on your areas of flexibility. Remember compromise will never feel perfect, the key is that you both feel understood and respected in the process.

    A couple sitting looking at the sunset surrounded by candles. Represents the need for couples therapy to resolve conflict in Katy, TX 77494Couples Counseling Can Help You Resolve Conflict

    Every relationship can benefit from couples counseling. Couples counseling is not just for relationships at the brink of falling apart. Couples therapy can help any partnership that needs help navigating conflict. A skilled couples therapist can guide you in identifying the sources of conflict and help you develop the skills you need to improve your communication!

    You can also work on specific goals that will help you and your partner establish patterns of emotional and sexual connection that can improve the overall quality of your relationship. If you are stuck in conflict with your partner and would like help getting unstuck, please give us a call at the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch. We would love to help you cultivate a happy and meaningful relationship with your partner. 

    Begin Couples Therapy in Katy, TX 

    If you are ready to improve your relationship, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couple’s counseling as well as other services. To begin couples counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to learn more about couples counseling
    2. Meet with one of our skilled therapists
    3. Find ways to thrive in your relationship!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: communication, conflict, conflict resolution, couples counseling, couples therapy, Gottman Method, resolve conflict

    A couple sitting on a bridge talking. Represents the need for healthy conflict resolution therapy in Katy, TX 77494

    Tips For Healthy Conflict Resolution

    June 24, 2021

    By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC While conflicts are a normal part of any relationship, they can often lead to arguments and fights that increase our stress and anxiety and can cause rifts in our relationships. Learning conflict resolution skills can assist you in maintaining healthy boundaries, increase healthy communication skills, and lead you to improved […]

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    Tips For Healthy Conflict Resolution

    June 24, 2021
    By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC

    While conflicts are a normal part of any relationship, they can often lead to arguments and fights that increase our stress and anxiety and can cause rifts in our relationships. Learning conflict resolution skills can assist you in maintaining healthy boundaries, increase healthy communication skills, and lead you to improved relationships. These are a few tips you can start utilizing today to resolve conflicts in a healthy way and keep relationships and mental health strong.

    Two women talking about conflict resolution. Represents the need for counseling in Katy, TX 77494A Few Ways To Have Healthy Conflict Resolution

    Do Not Ignore The Issue

    Firstly, remember that a conflict is a disagreement. Sometimes these disagreements may be big, but make the relationship the priority. Conflicts continue to fester when they are ignored. Be sure that you do not fear addressing the issue. Ignoring a problem, whether real or perceived, can lead to resentment. When addressing the problem, be sure you are in a calm and open state of mind.

    If you need a few minutes to collect yourself, take the time to do so. This avoids things getting heated and the potential of someone losing control. Some conflicts may trigger strong emotions and it is important that we prepare for this- be mindful and recall your coping skills. 

    Be Aware of Your Language and Expressions

    Secondly, it is essential that we understand and state our needs when trying to resolve conflicts and work towards being understanding and compassionate to the needs of others. Be aware of how and what you are communicating and avoid any disrespectful words or comments- also, facial expressions! If you notice the urge to engage in this, it’s time for a break.

    A couple sitting at a table not communicating and taking a break from one another. Represents the need for conflict resolution counseling in Katy, TX 77494Let whomever you are in conflict with know you need a few minutes, but will return to resolve the issue later. While you may be tempted to not return, it is important to do so to allow for resolution and avoid any chance of resentment or pent up negative feelings later. When communicating with the person you are in conflict with, be sure to focus on facts and express your feelings; try to avoid placing blame.

    Recognize Your Responsibility

    Remember it is okay to agree to disagree. There may be times when conflicts are not resolved in the way you’d prefer.  Think of what your responsibility is in the situation and what you have control over. Is there anything you can do to improve your circumstance? 

    Resolving conflicts in a healthy way provides opportunity for self-growth and can lead to stronger and healthier relationships. If you notice conflict being frequent, try to notice causes. When we can recognize the cause of a conflict, we can work towards avoiding it. Remember to utilize coping skills if things get heated. Do not be afraid to take a time-out. Need more tips? Come in for therapy to work on how to better manage emotions, assert boundaries, and increase healthy communication. 

    Begin Conflict Resolution Counseling in Katy, TX

    If you are ready to find relief from conflict in your relationship, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to get more information about conflict resolution.
    2. Meet with one of our caring therapists.
    3. Find ways to reduce conflict with counseling!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer treatment services for adults, teens, kids, couples and families. We offer counseling services in trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment,  depression treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: communication, compassion, conflict, conflict resolution, couples counseling, couples therapy, mental health, relationships

    Are You Struggling with Low Self-Esteem? The “Shoulds” May be to Blame!

    April 27, 2021

    By: Janelle Schlueter, MS, LPC, NCC, CCTP It’s a word we hear all the time. From family, friends, strangers and even ourselves. “Should” is such a common word so why would I say it’s the new curse word? Some of the many things I am passionate about as a therapist are issues that impact our self-esteem. […]

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    Are You Struggling with Low Self-Esteem? The “Shoulds” May be to Blame!

    April 27, 2021
    By: Janelle Schlueter, MS, LPC, NCC, CCTP

    It’s a word we hear all the time. From family, friends, strangers and even ourselves. “Should” is such a common word so why would I say it’s the new curse word? Some of the many things I am passionate about as a therapist are issues that impact our self-esteem. Read on to see why a word so simple can have such a negative impact on how you view yourself. 

    The Different Ways One Word Can Ruin Healthy Self-Esteem

    Do others really know what’s better for you?

    If someone says “you should read this book”, it sounds innocent enough, right? Actually, it’s pretty harmful. This person is assuming that they know you will like the book or benefit from it when they do not know for sure. They are assuming they have more insight into your life, schedule, wants, likes, and interests than you do. That’s crazy! Who knows what’s best for you more than you?!

    Is there really a clear right and wrong?A field with different path's. Represents the idea of therapy for self-esteem in Katy, TX 77459

    If someone says “you should break up with your partner”, it may sound like they are being helpful in giving advice but, it’s not. The way people tend to interpret a comment like that is that not only does this person think they know what’s best for us more than we do for ourselves but it implies there is a clear right and clear wrong way to do things. Is it possible that this scenario is not black and white but actually has some grey area, too? Absolutely!

    A judge's gavel that represents the need for therapy to help with self-esteem in Katy, TX 77459Judgement and criticism

    Do you like the idea of being judged and criticized for your decisions? I didn’t think so! When people judge and criticize, it often comes out in a “should” statement. I’m sure you’ve probably been told “you shouldn’t do that” or “you should have done this”. When you heard that, how did you feel about yourself? Not good, right? You likely felt guilty, ashamed or like you did something wrong. The question I ask my clients is: is there really a golden rule that you were not following or was it someone’s set of standards or rules unique to them? You will find there are few times where there is an understood right and wrong (think laws).

    Don’t “should” yourself

    Lastly, but most importantly, be mindful of how often you say “should” to yourself. We are all guilty of judging and criticizing ourselves harder than others ever could. One of the dangers of negative self-talk is that we don’t say things aloud so we don’t always recognize that we are saying anything. “I should do this”, “I should not have done that”, “I should be this” are examples of self-talk that are based on judgment, criticism, and the assumption of a clear right and wrong. Is that helpful? No. Not at all.

    How to replace “should”

    We can try to rephrase things to eliminate judgment and the assumption of right and wrong. Rather than saying “you should read this book” try and say “you might enjoy this book”. Don’t those sound much nicer?!

    To make sure you are communicating as healthy as possible to others as well as yourself, try viewing “should” as a buzzword. My clients are often hearing me make a small buzzer noise when they say “should”. It doesn’t take long before they stop using “should” and significantly reduce judgment, criticism and assumption from others as well as themselves!

    A man standing in a field thinking about his positive self-esteem after attending therapy in Katy, TX 77459Go To Counseling To Help With Self-Esteem!

    Counseling can help with many issues that you may find yourself struggling with, such as: anxiety, depression, lack of coping skills, communication issues, relationship struggles, history of trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder, sleep issues, addiction, and so much more. Seeing a counselor can help you identify areas that you would like to work on such as self-esteem talked about in this blog.

    Begin Self-Esteem Counseling in Katy, TX

    If you are ready to find help for your mental health struggles, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to get more information about how we can help with self-esteem
    2. Meet with one of our caring therapists
    3. Build your self-esteem with counseling!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: anxiety, communication, depression, self-care, self-compassion, self-esteem, women's issues

    A stop sign that represents identifying when to say no and set healthy boundaries for yourself. Learn boundary setting in therapy in Katy, TX 77494

    Setting Healthy Boundaries

    March 15, 2021

    By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC Healthy boundaries are an essential part of keeping good mental health. So how do we ensure we are establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries? Well, setting boundaries is not just about setting limits with those in our lives, but also prioritizing your relationship with yourself. We have to remember our worth […]

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    Setting Healthy Boundaries

    March 15, 2021
    By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC

    Healthy boundaries are an essential part of keeping good mental health. So how do we ensure we are establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries? Well, setting boundaries is not just about setting limits with those in our lives, but also prioritizing your relationship with yourself. We have to remember our worth and our values.

    Scrabble pieces that say "live well." Represent the need to learn about healthy boundaries in therapy in Katy, TX 77494Now more than ever, lines are blurred when it comes to work/life balance and relationships. It is important that we remember to build our personal and emotional space in a way that is healthy for us. Being aware and setting boundaries provides clarity around what is good for us, what feels comfortable, and what is healthy for our life. It can help us regain some sense of control- something that right now many feel they have lost. 

    Healthy Boundaries Are Important

    There are many things we can do to reevaluate our boundaries right now! Notice the people, places, and things that tend to drain you. Is there any room or way for change in these areas? Inspect different parts of your life and self, such as physical, mental, and emotional health, work, social, and home life, and self-care. Check for any holes that may leave room for improvement. Make it a habit to notice your personal limits; when we overdo it, we risk burnout and resentment.

    It is okay to say “no” and communicating with clarity and assertiveness are skills that can be learned in therapy. Setting boundaries can sometimes be hard and even uncomfortable, but allow yourself the opportunity so that you are not denying yourself happiness and self-growth. Remember to seek support if you feel overwhelmed through talking to someone like a therapist or friend and utilize coping skills and relaxation techniques.  

    A woman staring out the window and reflecting on her self-care after learning about healthy boundaries in her women's group therapy session in Katy, TX 77494Maybe you’re the kind of person that puts others before yourself- while that is a caring and worthy trait, it can mean you struggle to know your own worth and may have difficulty setting boundaries. Take some time to consider what is important to you. Evaluate what your values are and how you can implement them into your life. Remember that boundaries are not set in stone; they are flexible and can change when you need them to as life evolves. Check in with yourself frequently and remember sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first. 

    Begin Counseling in Katy, TX

    If you are ready to find out how to establish healthy boundaries, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:

    1. Contact our office to set up an appointment or to get more information about healthy boundaries
    2. Meet with one of our caring therapists
    3. Find peace in your life with counseling!

    Other Therapy Services We Offer

    Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in other areas including trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment,  depression treatment, anxiety treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!

    Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: boundaries, communication, healthy boundaries, relationships

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