Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch
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By: Julie, Sekachev, M. Ed, LPC Associate Do you struggle with perfectionism? Do you find yourself chasing impossible standards? Striving for that “perfect” body, that Pinterest dream house, exceptional grades, a promotion at work, etc. You almost feel like success is just around the corner, that if you only get that next big thing you […]
Do you struggle with perfectionism? Do you find yourself chasing impossible standards? Striving for that “perfect” body, that Pinterest dream house, exceptional grades, a promotion at work, etc. You almost feel like success is just around the corner, that if you only get that next big thing you can relax, but it seems like that “it” is something outside of yourself that you never quite reach. Sometimes the expectations you put on yourself and others are so high that you often find yourself procrastinating out of fear of failure. If you constantly find yourself criticizing yourself or others, read on to discover ways to break free.
What is perfectionism?Perfectionism is the need to be or appear perfect. Perfectionism can happen when we place pressure on ourselves or others to live up to impossible standards we create. Striving for perfectionism can be stressful and can lead to burnout, lack of motivation, anxiety, fatigue, and procrastination.
There is nothing wrong with setting goals and expectations, but when we are highly self-critical or negative, even after our goals are met, we can run into problems.
Setting impossible standards can lead to hopelessness because we cannot accomplish what we expect of ourselves because perfection does not exist.
Perfection can also lead to negative self-talk. You may begin to think “What is wrong with me?” Or “Why can’t I keep up” but the reality is that even if perfection was achieved at a certain point, standards for what is perfect may change over time.
When we chase impossible standards, we may begin to avoid challenges all together, or do things we already know we are good at, which can stop our creativity.
Expecting perfection of others can cause us to appear judgmental and not accepting of other’s flaws which make them truly unique. Our relationships with others can also be affected because we are not being genuine, but just appearing to others how we think they want us to look or be.
Daring to be Imperfect: Tips to Break FreeWhat will it mean to you when you reach the perfect job, weight, etc. what does that say about you? Focusing on your inner needs can help you understand what you are truly after. Make a list and explore what your values are, what are you trying to avoid, what are the consequences of perfectionism, what are you losing (time with friends, sleep, well-being, etc.). Evaluate the costs of chasing perfection and think of some benefits of modifying your expectations.
Pick an activity that you enjoy and be mindful of staying in the present moment. Let go of the need to share your results with others. For example, if you enjoy drawing, try to draw just for the way it makes you feel, not for the validation others may give your finished drawing. Allowing for imperfect time can also help you connect with others. When you share your vulnerabilities, you give others permission to do the same allowing room for connection. 
Make a list of your good qualities, are you a kind person? Helpful to others? Do you take risks? Are you courageous? Focusing on these qualities can help you realize that you are already good enough, and you don’t need to chase things outside of yourself to complete you.
Notice moments when you are being hard on yourself. Look for “should statements” in your expectations of yourself and others. Statements like “I should have done better” or “I should always be my best” can cause low self-esteem and depression. Instead of these rigid statements try to look at yourself as a dynamic person, always evolving and growing. Changing the way we look at mistakes and setbacks can help fuel our motivation for progress, not perfection.
If you are ready to feel like your best self, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide counseling for men and women, as well as group counseling. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Other Therapy Services We Offer
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S Being a woman in 2021 can be amazing, but it also has its challenges. We get pulled in a million directions, and that can feel overwhelming. As women, we may be business owners, employees, moms, wives, friends, and list goes on. At times, our confidence may falter for different reasons. […]
Being a woman in 2021 can be amazing, but it also has its challenges. We get pulled in a million directions, and that can feel overwhelming. As women, we may be business owners, employees, moms, wives, friends, and list goes on. At times, our confidence may falter for different reasons. Some of these reasons may be out of your hands, but there are things you can do to help boost your confidence.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Especially on social mediaOk. We are all guilty of spending hours scrolling Facebook or the like. When we do this, oftentimes we see someone who we feel has a better body, parents their children better, has a perfect relationship, etc., etc. This can lead to negative thoughts, and less confidence. Don’t compare what they are showing on the outside to how you are feeling on the inside. Honestly, we could all use a little less social media.
We all have responsibilities. These may include family, jobs or volunteering, but we cannot do it all. It is ok to say no when asked to be the treasurer of PTO, or when asked to stay late at work. When we overcommit, it makes it harder to get everything done. Therefore, we may feel like we are failing. Prioritize your time and focus on a few commitments you can be successful completing. This will boost your confidence!
Way too often do we brush off a compliment from someone or downplay an accomplishment. We tend to focus on the negative, which can lead to lower self-esteem. Just say “Thank you,” and own it!
We all know a few complainers, gossips, or critics. It is hard to avoid them, or maybe we are those people sometimes. Still, it is important to surround ourselves with those who support us and allow us to be ourselves. Be mindful of how certain relationships make you feel and decide how to spend your time.
I do not mean adding more to your plate or taking on someone else’s duties. I simply mean, be nice. Pay a friend a compliment or listen when they need a friend. Be that positive force for someone else. It feels great!
Make yourself a priority. Do things that make you feel good. Take care of your body by exercising, eating good food, or getting outside every day. Take care of your mind by reaching out for support, journaling, or relaxing.
If you are ready feel like your best self, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide counseling for men and women, as well as group counseling. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Other Therapy Services We Offer
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages including: eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, treatment for anxiety, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, family therapy, , trauma counseling, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Janelle Schlueter, MS, LPC, NCC, CCTP It’s a word we hear all the time. From family, friends, strangers and even ourselves. “Should” is such a common word so why would I say it’s the new curse word? Some of the many things I am passionate about as a therapist are issues that impact our self-esteem. […]
It’s a word we hear all the time. From family, friends, strangers and even ourselves. “Should” is such a common word so why would I say it’s the new curse word? Some of the many things I am passionate about as a therapist are issues that impact our self-esteem. Read on to see why a word so simple can have such a negative impact on how you view yourself.
If someone says “you should read this book”, it sounds innocent enough, right? Actually, it’s pretty harmful. This person is assuming that they know you will like the book or benefit from it when they do not know for sure. They are assuming they have more insight into your life, schedule, wants, likes, and interests than you do. That’s crazy! Who knows what’s best for you more than you?!
If someone says “you should break up with your partner”, it may sound like they are being helpful in giving advice but, it’s not. The way people tend to interpret a comment like that is that not only does this person think they know what’s best for us more than we do for ourselves but it implies there is a clear right and clear wrong way to do things. Is it possible that this scenario is not black and white but actually has some grey area, too? Absolutely!
Judgement and criticismDo you like the idea of being judged and criticized for your decisions? I didn’t think so! When people judge and criticize, it often comes out in a “should” statement. I’m sure you’ve probably been told “you shouldn’t do that” or “you should have done this”. When you heard that, how did you feel about yourself? Not good, right? You likely felt guilty, ashamed or like you did something wrong. The question I ask my clients is: is there really a golden rule that you were not following or was it someone’s set of standards or rules unique to them? You will find there are few times where there is an understood right and wrong (think laws).
Lastly, but most importantly, be mindful of how often you say “should” to yourself. We are all guilty of judging and criticizing ourselves harder than others ever could. One of the dangers of negative self-talk is that we don’t say things aloud so we don’t always recognize that we are saying anything. “I should do this”, “I should not have done that”, “I should be this” are examples of self-talk that are based on judgment, criticism, and the assumption of a clear right and wrong. Is that helpful? No. Not at all.
We can try to rephrase things to eliminate judgment and the assumption of right and wrong. Rather than saying “you should read this book” try and say “you might enjoy this book”. Don’t those sound much nicer?!
To make sure you are communicating as healthy as possible to others as well as yourself, try viewing “should” as a buzzword. My clients are often hearing me make a small buzzer noise when they say “should”. It doesn’t take long before they stop using “should” and significantly reduce judgment, criticism and assumption from others as well as themselves!
Go To Counseling To Help With Self-Esteem!Counseling can help with many issues that you may find yourself struggling with, such as: anxiety, depression, lack of coping skills, communication issues, relationship struggles, history of trauma, obsessive compulsive disorder, sleep issues, addiction, and so much more. Seeing a counselor can help you identify areas that you would like to work on such as self-esteem talked about in this blog.
If you are ready to find help for your mental health struggles, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Other Therapy Services We Offer
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Denise Servin, M. Ed., LPC Associate Does your teen engage in self-harm? Teenagers are facing many difficult setbacks right now. Living though a pandemic has changed how they are educated. It has also affected the way they socialize. They do not get to see their friends as often as they are used to. Many […]
Does your teen engage in self-harm? Teenagers are facing many difficult setbacks right now. Living though a pandemic has changed how they are educated. It has also affected the way they socialize. They do not get to see their friends as often as they are used to. Many of them are dealing with loss. It may be the loss of a family member or friendship. There is also the loss of most chances to be social.
Depression can sometimes be a result of these experiences. Depression can lead to self-harm behaviors. But, what is self-harm? What does it look like? What are some of the warning signs you can look for? How do you give them support through it? It can be a very scary topic to deal with. It can also be uncomfortable to talk about.
What Is Self-Harm?Self-harm can be described as self-injury. Self-harm is the act of inflicting harm on oneself. But, the intention of self-harm is not to die. For example, you may see cutting, burning, hitting themselves, or even picking at the skin. Why do teens self-harm? The reasons can be different for everyone. But, the reasons and emotions behind self-harm are key to understanding the behavior. These core feelings must be addressed in order to help your teen heal. Healing is necessary to make these behaviors stop.
The reasons that teens engage in self-harm behaviors are not reasons that need to make sense to you. It is enough that they are real to your teen.
Communication is very important. Self-harm can be very scary to talk about. But, opening that door is one of the most supportive things you can do. When you ask you are showing that you care. Talking about it gives them the space to talk about their feelings. Also, it shows that you are not afraid to hear what they have to say. In some cases, teens fear opening up. They worry that might be punished for their feelings.
If you’re dealing with a teen who is self-harming, there is already enough punishment happening. They are already feeling guilt and shame. So, it’s best to avoid adding to those feelings. It’s important to ask open-ended questions and really listen to what they have to say. At this point, you may decide it’s time to seek help.
Therapy can be very effective for people who want to stop self-harm behaviors. Furthermore, therapy can help your teen address and process the feelings that led to these behaviors. Also, they can learn new coping skills to help deal with strong emotions. A therapist can also work with your teen to come up with a plan of safety. These resources can be used if the urge to self-harm comes up.
If you are ready to learn how to help your teen deal with self-harming behaviors, the therapists at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide therapy to people of all ages. To begin counseling in Katy, TX, follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Denise Servin, M. Ed., LPC Intern Self-esteem is a tricky thing. It can help you get through some tough times. But, typically tough times can cause your level of self-esteem to drop. Overall, women tend to have lower self-esteem than men. It can be especially difficult for women to maintain a healthy level of […]
Self-esteem is a tricky thing. It can help you get through some tough times. But, typically tough times can cause your level of self-esteem to drop. Overall, women tend to have lower self-esteem than men. It can be especially difficult for women to maintain a healthy level of self-esteem. Keeping up with all of the pressures from society to not only do everything, but to do it better is a struggle. The myth of women “having it all” often leads to feelings of competition and decreased self-esteem.
Low self-esteem may seem like it shouldn’t be high on your list of things to worry about. But, it can lead to an overall loss of interest in the things you were once passionate about and unhappiness with life. Hence, having low self-esteem can also make it harder to get back up again after a set-back. This is especially true if these feelings last for a long time. More serious effects of low self-esteem include increased anxiety, depression, and eating disorder-related behaviors.
I feel like my self-esteem has definitely taken some hits lately. Maybe it’s never really been as high as I would like it to be. What can I do?
Are you starting to feel hopeless or helpless about the direction of your life? Do you have trouble taking credit for anything good you accomplish? Do you ever feel like every last detail has to be perfect, or there’s no point in even trying? Maybe you just don’t like yourself at all anymore and you don’t believe anyone else could like you either. Counseling can help with low self-esteem in many ways. Working with a therapist can help you get to know your true self, learn about boundaries, and increase your self-respect.
Increasing your self-esteem with the help of a therapist is not easy. It’s hard work. But, it’s worth it. The benefits of increasing your self-esteem include positive changes in the way you value yourself, an increase in seeking positive, healthy relationships, and healthier ways to cope with the challenges of life. Our therapists at the Counseling Center can help you on this journey.
Please contact our office to discuss your therapy needs or arrange an initial consultation with Denise.
The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch in Katy, TX, offers counseling services to help you increase your self-esteem. We also offer other counseling services including: trauma counseling, depression treatment, eating disorder treatment, counseling for anxiety, family counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for teens, counseling for young adults, and couples counseling. Our therapists regularly post helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. Stay tuned for the next blog! To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Center today!
By: Carey Robey, MS, LPC Intern Are you concerned about the amount of time your child spends on social media? Do you think about its impacts? In today’s day and age, social media use is abundant. With improvements in technology and increased access, kids are spending more and more time glued to their phones. Social […]
Are you concerned about the amount of time your child spends on social media? Do you think about its impacts? In today’s day and age, social media use is abundant. With improvements in technology and increased access, kids are spending more and more time glued to their phones.
Social media can have its pros. Kids report being inspired by things like art and music, appreciate the ability to talk with others from far away, and are more engaged in current events. However, social media also has its cons. It can lead to decreased mental health and symptoms of depression and anxiety, low self-esteem, and increased exposure to substance use.
Kids are spending more and more time on their phones.
Why don’t I look like that? Why isn’t my life like that?
Depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem are a few of the known effects social media has on mental health. With platforms like Instagram and Snapchat, it is easy to idolize the experiences of those we see on our tiny screens. However, many often forget that the content portrayed is glamorized and curated. It is not a true reflection of reality and daily life. In therapy, individuals mention that they feel inferior or inadequate due to what they see on social media.
Why don’t I look like that? Why isn’t my life like that? These are just a couple of questions of the many that people ask themselves daily. Social media heavily influences the way people see themselves. This leads to a decrease in their self-esteem. Many are in a perpetual loop of comparing themselves to others and constantly seeking approval through likes and views.
When not getting this approval, they report feeling not good enough or even worthless. This can often lead to feelings of depression and anxiety. Many state feeling isolated when they see others doing activities on social media that they are not engaged in or have not been invited to. They report having feelings of “FOMO”- fear of missing out- and seek to experience whatever it is they feel they are missing. This feeling of wanting to belong and fit in can at times lead to engagement in risky behaviors
Along with the risks of kids experiencing negative feelings such as inferiority and isolation, they are becoming more exposed to negative behaviors. These behaviors include underage drinking and illicit drug use. Seeing drug and alcohol use on social media has many feeling curious and even at times pressured to experiment themselves.
Kids can be desensitized to the dangers of drugs and alcohol. They often see a glamorized version of substance use, whether it be celebrities posting or their fellow peers at a party. They are willing to make risky choices in order to fit in to what they perceive as the status quo. Social media can also drive teens to drugs and alcohol through self-medicating. These feelings of depression and anxiety associated with low self-esteem and social comparison has kids seeking to find comfort. Teens especially are at risk to replacing healthy coping skills with substance use to manage their unhappiness and difficult feelings.
A simple talk with your child should not be underestimated. Ask them about their experiences on social media and their feelings about what they see. Talk to them about how those we see on social media are typically putting their best out there, and it is not always a true reflection of reality. At the Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer Middle School and High School group sessions where we process and reflect on these topics.
Restricting your child from social media entirely may be unrealistic; however, having open and honest communication and placing some restrictions on the amount of time they are on social media can be helpful. These measures could decrease their chances of falling into unhealthy thinking patterns and help them maintain a more positive mindset and better mental health.
Our therapists at the Counseling Center can help you. Please contact our office to discuss your therapy needs or arrange an initial consultation with Carey.
