Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch
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By: Julie Sekachev, M.Ed, LPC Associate Supervised by Melissa Barton, MA, LPC-S What are boundaries, and why do we need them? Boundaries are expectation or rules that we set for ourselves that tells the other person our limit of space or activity. Boundaries show others who you are, your needs, and what you will and […]
What are boundaries, and why do we need them? Boundaries are expectation or rules that we set for ourselves that tells
the other person our limit of space or activity. Boundaries show others who you are, your needs, and what you will and will not accept from others. Sometimes if we do not have personal boundaries, we find it hard to respect boundaries that others set. It can be a challenge to appreciate something we do not honor ourselves, so identifying your boundaries is the first step. Boundaries are healthy for relationships because they establish clear expectations, allow each partner to meet their needs, and create open communication.
Evaluate how you feel within your relationship. Do you need more time to yourself? Are you feeling a lack of social connection with your friends and need some time with them? Do you need more respect from your partner? Do you crave more understanding or more intimacy from your partner?
Write down a list of your needs and expectation and where you want to set a limit. If you are giving too much of your time to your partner, how can you create more balance?
Look at your emotional, mental, and physical health trajectory if your needs go unmet. Not setting boundaries and neglecting your needs will ultimately lead to relationship burnout and can fuel negative cycles of interaction with your partner.
Communicate your boundaries in a non-threatening way. For example, if your need is that you want your partner to be more present and you notice your partner is on the phone when you try to have a conversation, you can say:
“I feel heard and valued when you listen to me without any distractions” or “I feel respected when I can finish my point without interruption” instead of “s
top picking up your phone when I’m talking, or I’ll stop talking to you.”
Remember that sometimes when you start to state your needs, wants, or limits to others, especially if you have difficulty doing so or rarely set boundaries, it may trigger deep-seated feelings of guilt, shame, or selfishness. It is essential to consider the origin of these negative core beliefs. Keep in mind that feeling this way does not mean that you should not set boundaries with others. You can process these feelings by placing limitations on your partner. Being vulnerable and sharing these feelings can help your partner understand you and enrich the bond you have together.
If you have not had boundaries with your partner before, it may be a challenge for them initially to accept your limits. They may want more than you are comfortable giving, overstep, challenge why you have a specific boundary, judge or criticize them, or question if they are realistic. When this happens, consider your values around your limits. Ask your partner about any fears about this change and reassure and soothe these fears together. Communicate to your partner using the “gentle startup” (I feel…about what…I need…) of how you feel when your boundaries are not respected. Share with your partner that identifying, honoring, and expressing your needs can help you from disconnection.
Need Help Setting Boundaries? Don’t Know Where to start? If you are ready to improve your relationship, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide couples counseling as well as other services. To begin couples counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including: counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Janelle Schlueter, MS, LPC, NCC, CCTP How important is ‘normalizing’ for survivors of sexual assault? Arguably it is the most essential part. Normalizing occurs when a therapist takes a thought that the client believes to be ‘abnormal’ or ‘shameful’ and helps the client see that it is actually ‘normal.’ This is most often done through […]
How important is ‘normalizing’ for survivors of sexual assault? Arguably it is the most essential part. Normalizing occurs when a therapist takes a thought that the client believes to be ‘abnormal’ or ‘shameful’ and helps the client see that it is actually ‘normal.’ This is most often done through trauma-informed education. The result of normalizing is the removal of shame and the addition of confidence. Normalizing also significantly speeds up the healing process.
Physical arousal does not equal consent. Arousal is a natural body response. It is possible for a person not to want to participate in a sexual act, and their body can still respond to physical sensations by becoming aroused. An orgasm is even possible. It is more common than you’d think, but even during a sexual assault, the body response can overtake the anxious fight/flight thoughts. This means that you do not have to be emotionally calm and comfortable to feel pleasure. Once again, physical arousal or even orgasm does not equal consent!
When something traumatic happens to you, your brain has trouble accepting it as a reality. To allow you to gradually accept that the event has happened, your brain tends to change the memory to something more pleasant. This takes place in dreams when you cannot change your thoughts. Your brain will create more pleasant versions of what happened to you. These changes could be someone coming to your rescue, you physically fighting and winning, or making the event consensual and romanticized.
I am a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional who specializes in working with sexual assault survivors. I often hear from my clients that they are ‘ashamed’ by thoughts like these and others like them. It is vital to understand that shame or embarrassment after sexual assault is expected, but it is not yours to hold!
One way to let go of the shame is through your self-talk. Keep in mind that ‘our thoughts are not always our friend’. When you have encountered sexual assault, your thoughts tend to be hostile towards yourself. Keep challenging yourself with “would I say this to a friend who was sexually assaulted?” If the answer is no, do not say it to yourself!
If you are ready to find healing after sexual assault, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! We provide mental health counseling, as well as other mental health services. To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch, we offer counseling services for people of all ages in areas including counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, teen counseling, couples counseling, eating disorder treatment, men’s issues, women’s issues, anxiety treatment, depression therapy, trauma counseling, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to post blogs regularly. We provide helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!
By: Quique Autrey, MS, LPC Associate For the last 5 years, I’ve worked with teenagers and young adults diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). ASD is a developmental disorder that affects a person’s communication and social behavior. ASD is a spectrum diagnosis which means there are different levels of severity. Some people diagnosed with ASD […]
For the last 5 years, I’ve worked with teenagers and young adults diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). ASD is a developmental disorder that affects a person’s communication and social behavior. ASD is a spectrum diagnosis which means there are different levels of severity. Some people diagnosed with ASD have severe deficits in communication and social functioning and require substantial support all their life. Others experience social challenges, but can hope to live a life of relative independence with some professional support.
There are different kinds of therapy available for individuals diagnosed with ASD. Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) is considered the gold-standard treatment for younger children with ASD. ABA is a type of therapy that can improve social, communication, and learning skills through positive reinforcement. Most of my ASD clients are older and relatively high-functioning and thus benefit from talk therapy. What is talk therapy and why is it beneficial for someone diagnosed with ASD?
Sigmund Freud, one of the founders of modern therapy, referred to his work as the “talking cure.” At its most basic level, talk therapy is an arrangement between a therapist and a client where a client works to transform his/her emotional state by talking and learning coping skills. While talk therapy cannot remove a person’s Autism, it can help them accept and better manage it.
As I am presenting it, talk therapy is not social skills or group therapy. Traditional talk therapy is two individuals facing each other in a room and talking about the emotional and social concerns of the client.
The Benefits of Talk Therapy Every teen and young adult on the spectrum I’ve ever worked with has struggled with low self-esteem. Why is this? The number one reason is that all of them have experienced bullying and have felt like social outcasts. Persons on the spectrum usually have a hard time reading social cues. They also struggle to regulate negative emotions. As a result, ASD individuals stick out in social situations and have a hard time fitting into the typical norms of the group.
Talk therapy encourages teens and young adults with ASD to translate their raw emotions and pain into words and language that helps them make better sense of their experience. Furthermore, not only does it encourage people to translate their suffering into speech, it provides an environment of love, acceptance, and non-judgement. The positive relationship that’s established between the therapist and the client is an important part of the client’s growth in self-esteem.
Many teens diagnosed with ASD struggle with being labeled. They fear that having this diagnosis makes them “weird” and “different” in a negative way. Part of the process of talk therapy is helping the client to accept their diagnosis. The therapist and client can discuss what the diagnosis means. Moreover, they can explore some of the challenges of being on the spectrum. Talk therapy also helps the client understand some of the strengths of the diagnosis. Many people on the spectrum have gifts and abilities that enable them to make a wonderful contribution to society.
ASD is a life-long disorder. While it may not be possible to outgrow Autism, it is possible to manage it and develop as a person. The management skills someone can learn in talk therapy include life, social and emotional coping skills.
In talk therapy, the client and therapist may discuss situations that arise at school or work. More importantly, they can explore what did not go so well. After understanding what went wrong, the therapist and client can role play a similar scenario and practice healthier ways to respond and relate to others. Talk therapy should provide depth and practicality. The therapist and client can talk about everything from the meaning of life to the importance of taking care of one’s personal hygiene.
What To Look For In A Therapist For Talk TherapyFirstly, not all therapists are equal. If your child has been diagnosed with ASD, it’s important to find a therapist who has experience working with ASD. ASD is a unique disorder that cannot be treated in the same way as anxiety, depression or other common diagnoses.
Secondly, it is also very important that your son or daughter connect with their therapist. Therapy will not be effective if the client does not bond with the therapist. Since many individuals with ASD already have a difficult time connecting with others, the formation of a therapeutic relationship will be essential to effective treatment.
Finally, seek out a therapist who is open to communicating and including the parents and siblings in therapy. ASD is a difficult diagnosis that impacts the whole family. It can have a negative impact on a marriage and the emotional well being of siblings. Steer clear of therapists who just want to focus on the ASD client and keep the family at a distance. Talk therapy is a useful tool that can incorporate the entire family.
If you are ready to begin therapy, one of the therapists at The Center at Cinco Ranch can help! To begin counseling in Katy, TX follow these three steps:
Here at The Counseling Center at Cinco Ranch we offer counseling services for people of all ages including: women’s issues, couples counseling, treatment for anxiety, trauma counseling, counseling for kids, counseling for young adults, men’s therapy , eating disorder treatment, depression treatment, family therapy, and group counseling. Our therapists strive to regularly post blogs with helpful information on a variety of mental health topics. To learn more about our therapists and our counseling services, please reach out to the Counseling Center today!